Tag Archives: culture

Betwixt and between…child and adult

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Betwixt and between…child and adult.

Different cultures have many different rites of passage. These rites indicate to the youth that a threshold has been crossed.
One of the biggest moments in American culture is turning 21 years of age. You can legally consume alcohol, gain entry into bars and clubs and generally speaking, you think of yourself as an adult.

What’s really happening here is that you are learning to be an adult.
It means that you will make decisions, take actions and make comments as you think an adult would. Sometimes you will be spot on and other times you will fall on your face, but you will learn from the experience.

Unless…. you are shamed by the decision and the consequences. A glaring example is when a young woman gets pregnant before marriage and she is either enveloped by the family and helped or shamed as a nasty person, even a whore!
The people around you will, in large part, determine your experience and your memory of the event. What happens when an adult child says something to a parent that ticks the parent off? The parent can choose many ways to respond and all of them will be teaching moments for both the parent and the adult child.

The parent can choose to view the comment with humor and reply appropriately.
The parent can choose to ask the adult child what they mean and listen to the explanation.
The parent can choose to believe that they know exactly what the adult child means and take actions that makes them feel in control.

The parent is the teacher here and has an incredible opportunity to help the adult child with future interactions. They have a chance to have open dialogue with each other, but ONLY if they both think it is worth their while, and they have to put their HURT aside.

If the parent does not take the lead, the adult child will not have an opportunity to gain from the experience.

The parent must choose unconditional love and take conscious action with the underlying thought of making the relationship stronger…because a weakened relationship is good for no one.

Thoughts?

Love & light,

Indrani

We are THEY…

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In the book I Thought It Was Just Me…(but it isn’t), Dr. Brene Brown cautions us to not divide the world into US and THEY.

We have all experienced loss, addictions, failures, etc. To draw a random line around the mistakes that THEY make VS the mistakes the WE make makes no sense.
The only thing it does is keep us separated from seeing the other as being human and needing empathy and compassion just as much as we do.

How many groups of THEY do you recognize in your own life?
Different religions?
Different cultures?
Different side of the tracks?
Different skin color?
Different accents?
Different sexual orientations?

The list of THEY is endless, isn’t it?

Does the list make you feel safe?
Does the list allow you to stereotype more easily?
Does the list allow you to be a better bully?

Can you ever be SURE that the beliefs you hold about all the groups of THEY are true?
If you cannot prove it, why continue to believe it?

Perhaps this week you can stick your toe into a shallow pool of a THEY group, perhaps you will find something quite surprising. Perhaps you will find someone who feels quite like you.
Someone who has fears like you.
Someone who loves and wants the best for their kids, much like you.
Someone who reads bedtime stories to their kids at night, like you.
Someone who has been betrayed by life, like you.
Someone who just wants to be understood, like you.

I hope you take a chance. I hope you are sweetly surprised.

Love and light,
Indrani