Tag Archives: end gender violence

How long should one girl have to carry the weight of rape?

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enhanced-4298-1409708626-1This college student has vowed to carry a mattress to class every day until her alleged rapist leaves campus.

Emma Sulkowicz states, “The idea of me carrying a mattress sort of stuck in my head. I guess I decided to unpack why I was so fascinated with that idea. I was raped in my own dorm bed, so I think the idea of carrying the mattress represented, in my mind, carrying the weight of the memories that I have of that night and carrying the weight of how the school dismissed not only me but the other two women who reported against him, and the way the police harassed me when I reported my case.”
 
If we were on campus, we would help her carry the weight of that mattress. 

Read Emma’s full story here.

 

Love & light,

Team ILF

Have you turned your back on someone crying Wolf?

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-BlackWolf--4There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, “Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!”

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

He does this a couple more times and as the story goes….

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, “Wolf! Wolf!”

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again and so they didn’t come.

I remind you of this story, because in my own way I have cried wolf. Unlike the shepherd boy, however, I was not lying about the wolf.

The wolf in my life was depression. In my cry of wolf (which came out as cries of pain, tears, sadness) loved ones came for a while and I was heard but quickly dismissed because they could not see the wolf.

The wolf was always lurking. My cries took the forms of chronic stuttering, pacing, insomnia, weight-loss and these all compounded my tears and my pain. People could see signs of trouble but no one saw the wolf so they turned away.

Then the wolf, chewing on me, was devouring me and my life. I made the final cries that I wanted to die. “Help me! Can’t you see I want to die?” And yet the ones who I thought loved me the most were deaf to my pleas. Worse yet, those who heard me held me in contempt.

I never lied about the wolf in my life.

As the little shepherd boy cried out to get attention, yes I did too. The attention I needed was in the form of help.

If someone you know is crying out for attention, they may have the wolf known as depression in their life. Take time to look through the trees to see if they have wolves in the shadows and are in need of help.

Don’t turn away from a cry for help.

It is the loneliest feeling in the world when you reach out to those you love for help and they walk away.

Guilty of sexual assault but still allowed to play…….

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“I feel that he’s earned a second chance.”

That’s what Steubenville High football coach Reno Saccoccia has to say about his decision to welcome convicted rapist Ma’lik Richmond back to his team. ~Elizabeth Beier

 

Please visit this link and let us know how you feel about this article.

 

How else should be be handled?

 

What are we teaching other young predators ?

 
Love & light,

Indrani

 

Robin Williams….

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It is amazing how profoundly touched I have been by the death of Robin Williams.

Yes, he was brilliant, funny and an amazing man who touched many….but he was a person just like you and me.

Beyond the sadness of his loss is a pain in my heart because I KNOW the desperation he felt as he stood in his depression on the precipice of life and death.

For those who have never stood on that ledge, the tragic concept to end ones life is horrible yet it seems so rational to those of us who have teetered on that cliff.

There is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and the option of death appears to be a choice of true freedom.

It’s a decision of surrendering. We have put up a good fight, but now have no more fight in us to keep going.

It is a black or white option, torment or peace.

Unfortunately, millions of people in the world who suffer from depression understand too well what he may have felt in the final hours and moments of his life.

My heart aches today for those who loved him but also for the millions of souls who stand alone on the precipice each and every day.

Please, if you suffer from depression, know that there are options.

It sometimes can be hard to take even the smallest step towards help but even the small step can bring you closer to a better way of life.

#depressionawareness

PS: If someone you know or love struggles with depression, do not dismiss them. Listen, love and help.

 

When the nasty “Know It All” person rears their ugly head, be very targeted in your response….

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Finger waggingAllow me to set the stage.

A couple weeks ago I buried my father.

I had the highest honor at the funeral to have delivered his eulogy.

It was, BY FAR, the most important speech I had ever and will ever make in my whole life.

I wrote and rewrote and edited and practiced and was generally very anxious about the whole day, but especially that I would do the greatest job I had ever done as a public speaker.

I wanted to rely on my memory but I choose to bring up the iPad and I stuck to the script because I was afraid I would lose my composure.

A dear friend had advised me that the eulogy should educate the congregation about the greatness of my father.

I spoke to my siblings and I spoke to his friends and to many young people that he had mentored and I composed my poetry on my Dad.

During the delivery, I spoke clearly, pausing to breathe and to allow the words to flutter like and angel’s wings over my family and dear friends who were in attendance.

I managed to get through almost 97% of it before my voice cracked and the tears began to flow.

Almost everyone came up or called up to tell me what a beautiful honoring I had done for my father.

Ok Dear Reader,

The stage has been set.

Fast forward to the actual night of the funeral. My siblings and children and nephews and mother are gathered in the humble living room in Trinidad and a friend of my mother comes to visit.

She walks in, loudly announcing that she has spent the whole day in church and has just offered up prayers for my mother.

THEN, she looks at me…

“Indrani,” she says loud and clear, “the eulogy was lovely BUT you should have said how devoted and loving your father was to your mother.”

The WHOLE room of people fell silent.

Everyone is now looking at ME, for my reaction.

Let me remind you Dear Reader, that the funeral would have been less than 8 hours prior and we were all still raw and in pain.

My sister, God bless her, sits upright from a slouched and relaxed position and says, “I MUST DISAGREE WITH YOU. You clearly did not hear the beginning when MY sister talked about their marriage of 62 years!”

The “nasty know it all” woman began to defend her position…she REALLY DID begin to defend her position!

If I wouldn’t have been so pissed I would have been laughing.

I then spoke up in a LOUD and VERY CLEAR VOICE.

And this is what I said….

“I have had many comments on the eulogy and everyone has said how lovely and honoring it was. I must tell YOU, you are the ONLY critic. I MUST give YOU a prize for the honor of being the sole critic.”

I then arose from the sofa, I walked to the dining room table and I picked up a piece of crumpled paper and I PRESENTED it to her.

I said, “THIS is your prize. Congratulations for criticizing the eulogy I spoke at my Dad’s funeral.”

Dear reader of this blog post, YOU should have seen the look on her face.

She could NOT believe that I was indeed defending myself against her attack.

She scampered out of my childhood home as fast as she could.

The lesson of this blog is this…

DO NOT allow nasty people to hijack your beautiful brain. Bring out the big response, stand on your sacred honor and let your brilliance fly.

Love and light,

Indrani

Asking the right questions may get you better answers….

 

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question-yourselfI have just started to read The 7 Powers of Questions by Dorothy Leeds.

When I reached for this book in the store, I rolled my eyes at my own self!

Part of me KNEW that I needed help with finding better questions to address Gender Violence, and the other part of me wanted someone else to read the book and think up the better questions.

Can you guess which part won?

Yep, the Inquirer won….she almost always does!

The questioner in me has gotten me into more trouble than I can recall.

So, as I devour this amazing book I came across this…

“Self – questioning is essential to our growth, because it helps us examine ourselves. Self-questioning cannot only help us determine our successes and our failures, but it can help us understand the reasons behind those outcomes.”

Every time a child does something that they are not supposed to do we ask, “Why did you do that?”

As parents and caretakers, we hope that we can help the child to discover the reasons for their actions.

When politicians do crazy things like tweet their private parts to random strangers and do it over and over and THEN still try to run for office, we ask, “Why? Why on earth did you do that?”

Often times we have the best questions but the perp has pitiful answers.

We cannot, however, allow our own self questions to be met with pitiful self answers.

WE (if we want to keep growing) must keep searching for better answers to the WHY questions that we ask ourselves.

Why did we allow that person to yell at us and why do we keep going back for more abuse?

Why do we persist in hitting our innocent children when WE hated that we were hit as children?

Why do we accept less than what we deserve either at work, at home or at school?

No one can give us the answers but ourselves.

We must be relentless in figuring out the answers.

I invite you to read this book, and then begin to form better questions so you can create better answers.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Plagued by thoughts….

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Woman-with-question-marks-15742269Often times, when I least expect it, I get flooded with those questions that I have an inability to answer and they haunt me.

More often than not, those questions have to do with my mission…to end gender violence.

Some of the niggling questions have to do with the relationships between men and women and why women continue to accept abuse and why men continue to think they have the right to abuse.

In my work, my passion for ending Gender Violence, Intimate Partner Violence and Violence against Children, I have more questions than answers.

All the questions begin with WHY?

WHY would a grown man rape a child?
WHY would educated women stay in abusive relationships?
WHY would a mother-in-law abuse her daughter-in-law?
WHY is society still pretending that this is a problem for “others”?

The WHEN question is …

WHEN is enough enough?
WHEN will CEO’s investigate their managers for domestic violence before hiring them?

WHAT can YOU do?

You can begin by eradicating violence in YOUR home and community.

Here are some classes to help get you started, pass this link around to EVERYONE you know.

www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com

NO ONE is immune to be on the receiving end of violence.

Share this blog with all the people you love, ask them to share it with people they love.


Thanks for taking up this cause.


Love and light,
Indrani

How BRAVE must they be?

A few weeks ago, there was a disturbing news report from a city called Lucknow in India.

Seems that a mother who had reported the rape of her young daughter was brutally attacked and in critical care.

The attackers were demanding that she withdraw the rape charge against their family member.

She did not.

SHE IS BRAVE!

What do you think she taught her daughter?

She is one of the bravest women I have never met.

I wish I could meet her and help her.

But chances are, I will never even know her name.

I can still help by continuing  to do the work of ending violence against women.

I am sure that my efforts will not help THIS woman BUT we will help others.

We will help as many as we can reach.

Will YOU help us to help other women?

How, you ask?

You can:

  1. Sign up for the Live a Brighter Life FREE classes and begin to stand up for yourself and for others. www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com
  2. You can train to become a trainer of this work. Just send an email to Stacie@indranislight.org and she can answer any questions you may have and help you get started.
  3. You can make a donation to this foundation so that we can continue to do the great work we have started. http://indranislight.org/donate/

Any amount helps.

The choices are yours.

 

Speak up about abuse or stay silent and allow it to continue.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Spreading joy any way we can…..

When Andrea Lee and I visited an amazing school for the children of sex workers in Delhi in Feb 2014, we were blown over by the level of JOY in the school and the level of commitment that the teachers showed.

We asked them what was on their wish list and the founder said a refrigerator.

We made that happen. Here are some great photos of that fridge and the smiles that it brought.

It made me extremely happy when I saw the blog by Melinda Gates saying that such appliances can significantly change lives.

Here, at ILF, we strive every day to positively change lives and end gender violence.

 

http://www.economist.com/news/international/21603031-how-chilled-food-changing-lives-cool-developments

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What’s really happening on college campuses….

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According to The Sexual Victimization of College Women- National Institute of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics:

  • It is estimated that the percentage of completed or attempted rape victimization among women in higher educational institutions may be between 20% and 25% over the course of a college career.
  • Among college women, 9 in 10 victims of rape and sexual assault knew their offender.
  • Almost 12.8% of completed rapes, 35% of attempted rapes, and 22.9% of threatened rapes happened during a date.
  • It is estimated that for every 1,000 women attending a college or university, there are 35 incidents of rape each academic year.

Please share this take on Sexual Violence by The Daily Show:

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