Tag Archives: fear

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE…why you should care.

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Why should you care? Why should anyone care about Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is insipid. If you have never heard this term, the definition of domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another; also : a repeated or habitual pattern of such behavior .

Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under-reported crimes. Only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults, one-fifth of all rapes, and one-half of all stalkings perpetuated against females by intimate partners are reported to the police.…from www.ncadv.org/files/
DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

Why would such crimes be under-reported?

Have you ever been a victim of hateful and nasty behavior?

This could be happening in high school. Perhaps a boyfriend tells you to be a certain way and if you do not, he berates you and calls you names that made you feel worthless.

He tells you that no other man could love you. He calls you a slut or other unsavory names. He makes fun of you in front of his friends.

Did you tell anyone?

Did you report him to the school authorities?

Did you call the Teen Abuse hot line 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)?

You probably did nothing.

You may not even have recognized that you were being abused. You may even have convinced yourself that it was your fault.

You may have seen your own Mother abused at home and so you feel that “true love” must look like that.

Your own Mother may be making excuses for the man in her life, and you see that her abuse is much more horrific.

So you say nothing.

After all, you do not have it “that” bad.

Abuse is insipid and it is confusing. How can a person with whom you are having intimate relations treat you so horribly? How can the person you swear you love be so mean and hateful to you?

You try so hard to please him and nothing ever works.

You feel like you are always walking on egg shells.

His rage erupts for the smallest infraction, and you are afraid to take any action unless the action is sanctioned by the abuser.

These are but a few of the reasons why Domestic Violence is under-reported.

Women are confused and brain washed into thinking that all of it is their fault.

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.1 An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.2 85% of domestic violence victims are women. Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew. Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.… from http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

These facts were taken from a PDF found when I googled Domestic Violence.

I am not making this up. Below are actual numbers taken from the same article that I found on Google.

The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.

Victims of intimate partner violence lost almost 8 million days of paid work because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence.

There are 16,800 homicides and $2.2 million (medically treated) injuries due to intimate partner violence annually, which costs $37 billion.…from http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

If you are not being abused, there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE that you know someone who is being abused.

 

Please keep your eyes and ears open. Please encourage those suffering to seek counsel and support. There are MANY support centers around the country and world. If you are the one suffering, please reach out here and I will direct you to some help in your area.

You can send an e mail to

info@indranislight.org with the subject line… A HEADS UP.

You can use a computer at the library or at a friend’s home.

This is NOT your fault. You have done NOTHING wrong.

You deserve to be loved and respected.

Please reach out either for your own self or for someone else.

My personal mantra is ONE ABUSED WOMAN IS ONE TOO MANY! Please help me in this endeavor to eradicate DV from the face of the earth. WE can do it if we band together.

Love and Light

Indrani

 

 

 

 

I always wanted a cape…

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No, I never wanted a cape of wool, cashmere, or mink.
I want a cape that shimmers in the face of wrong doing.
I want a cape that shines in the instance of injustice.
I want cape colored bright in a dark world of harm.
I want a super hero’s cape!

Instead?

I got a nose.

Donned with the red nose of a clown, I recently went to Guatemala to visit children and adults who were in hospitals and institutions.
A red nose is hardly something that gives a person super powers by any means.

But that red nose gave me:
-The power to look beyond the grim, sad cinder block buildings that housed people who lived beyond the fringe of society and poverty.
-The power to face my own fears of reaching out and touching and loving those suffering people who needed love.
-The power to laugh, dance and be silly in dismal conditions to raise up a smile in a person that seemed impossible to reach as they were trapped in their ill mind.
-The power to put my judgments, preconceived notions and ignorance aside to be genuine and to look at others with love.

I want to challenge you to be someone’s super hero. No, I don’t want you to travel to far and distant places or leap tall buildings in a single bound.

What can you use as your cape to give you the power to drop your fears and judgments and to reach out to people who could use love, understanding and compassion in your life?

Kay Walten

Daring to question the regular-ness of life…

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When time is non linear…it is super sweet.
I just spent 8 days with 25 strangers.
After 8 days a normal person would not expect to know more than a few
of these people and, not very well.
I have known people for far longer than 8 days and still feel like I do not know them at all. I have limited and shallow conversations with them and am relieved when we part. I am sure they feel much the same. It is funny how we humans can hide behind social masks and cultural “SHOULD” masks that make it easy to remain invisible. Marshall B. Rosenberg says that “should” is a violent word. I agree. All of the “shoulding” I have done on myself and on others has only brought me pain and distance and has contributed to my being invisible.

Staying invisible to most of the world makes it safe for me. Often
times when I take risks and show my vulnerabilities to those I think I
can trust leaves me really regretting the risk I took.
Something as simple as needing to tell someone that I am sad and need
to cry can, and often does, bring out the fear in them that makes them
strike back with a “oh for God’s sake, get over it. Others have it so much worse”.

But on this clown trip to Guatemala I took risks with strangers. I
took risks with being vulnerable. I told strangers that I loved them
and I really meant it. They accepted it without hesitation.
I cried within the safety of the circle and they accepted it without
judgment. How freeing that felt to be held in safety and non judgment.
Instead of words during an intense hour of sharing, I chose to walk
around the circle and share energy by looking into their eyes as I
send good wishes of peace and love. Everyone chose to look back at my
soul and accept my love.

How can this happen in so short a time?
Why can we not have safety and acceptance from those closest and dearest to us?
What are we so afraid of?

I am afraid that I will be judged and labeled.
I have been labeled in the past as “too emotional” which only meant that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I dared to show my vulnerabilities.
So now, my heart remains hidden and I play the social game and everyone seems to be so much happier for it.

But am I?
Am I happier to be locked away and closed off for fear of being labeled?

Questions, too many to list.
Answers, too few at this moment.

I have learned to be happy with questions because they make me curious about
the plethora of responses waiting in my heart.

I invite you to question all the facets of your life and be quiet in
the safety of the questions.
Do not grasp for answers. They are there and they will find you.
Your job is to keep questioning.
Be grateful that YOU CAN dare to question your life and world.
Questions are the essence of all new discoveries.
Questions belong to those of us who are awake.
Awaken and question.
Dream and question.
Live your life and watch the answers unfold right in front of your eyes.

Love and light,
Indrani

What is an OUTCAST?

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What is an OUTCAST?
What is an INCAST?

The Webster dictionary describes an OUTCAST as a person who is rejected, degraded or expelled and driven from home or society.

So what does this mean to the INCASTS?

Do they reach out to the outcasts to try to find out if they are hurting? Do the outcasts try to reach back? Do outcasts know that they are considered outcasts?

Who makes the decision about which CAST you are in?

I am NOT smart enough to have any answers to these questions.
I only know that YET another shooting has occurred and more incasts are dead.
More incasts were terrorized by the outcast.

Can we AFFORD to hide behind these terms?

If you feel like an OUTCAST, please reach out for help…
and all you INCASTS, please reach out also and take someone by the hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/28/tj-lane-chardon-high-school-suspect_n_1306511.html#s733488

What did I step in?

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No, I did not have to look at the bottom of my shoes for dog poop.  

I unknowingly walked into a 12-step program last Friday.

Dis-ease wrapped around me like an itchy blanket.  I was very uncomfortable, but walking out would had been just as uncomfortable and embarrassing.  Hands folded in my lap, picking my fingers.  My leg shaking up and down nervously… “Grant me the serenity to accept…. to change the things I can…. and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Light bulb goes off in my head.

Accept the things I cannot change!
I had been saying these exact words throughout the week so I would stop beating myself up over things I could not change like the economy and other people’s attitudes and actions!

Change the things I can… Whoa I had been thinking about all the things that are within my power to change, work, situations, relationships with myself, others.

The wisdom to know the difference. YES, I have had to stop and think when I am angry, upset, frustrated… “Is this something I can change, yes or no?  If yes, then decide what I want to change it into. If no, then let it go and accept it as it is”.

I listened to the women in the circle as they said their name and shared.  As I listened I thought some women had the same challenges as me!

Hi, my name is Kay, and I actually stepped into the right place.

P.S. As a post script I want to say that there is a stigma, I think, attached to 12-step programs probably because it is so closely associated with AA.   But the 12-step program can be used for so many types of hang-ups, hurts and habits.  With life for many people riddled with frustrations, challenges, anger and not knowing, I think programs like this are an opportunity to see we are not “the only ones” with issues. It is an opportunity to speak our minds and our hearts without judgment.  And it is a time to listen to others and practice compassion. You may want to take a step and find out.

What’s your kryptonite?

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Do you all remember superman?

It used to make me cry when he was tricked into coming into contact
with kryptonite. Of course, back then I was but a mere child.
Why then, do I feel like a mere child when I get close to some of my
kryptonite substances?
Please allow me to explain.

I would say that most of the time, I am strong, confident and
secure. THEN, something happens and I want to fall to my knees and
stay in a fetal position.
These “things” that happen can be as simple as:
Someone giving me the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. I
immediately go into a tsunami of thoughts about what I HAVE DONE
WRONG.

When I am in this “I am such a loser” phase, I almost want to jump
out of my skin to make amends.
Make amends for what?

I stitch together instances of when I think I may have wronged them
and I try to find behaviors that would absolve me of these sins.
A lot of the time, it just looks like begging for forgiveness for the
errors of my ways, or completely forgetting my life’s dreams in favor
of whatever they want.

Recently, I had plans with a friend to do something fun. The day
before the event, I asked for timing details and was
promptly told, with a look of sheer frustration that the event was the
next week. I said “no, it can’t be! I will be out of town”.
I was stunned. I had this on my calendar since OCT 2011.
The person then turned and left the room without a single word. I was
surrounded by kryptonite.

I screwed up, I am a bad friend and I can never get dates right…

Then I rushed to my computer, found the email with the date that I
had saved and rushed to show it to my friend. They looked at it and
said NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not even an “oh boy, I should check this out”.

Of course I thought: I should cancel my trip and I should apologize to
the other parties involved. Until I screamed at myself, “YOU DID
NOTHING WRONG. YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. PEOPLE SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING
TO YOU, DAMMIT!”

I had to walk away from my stinking thinking and hope that the
kryptonite didn’t creep up on me when I was asleep.

So, what’s your kryptonite?

Love and light,

Indrani

You can buy a tiger but you can’t buy common sense!

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I have right to have whatever I want in my home.
I have a right to be safe from my crazy neighbors.
The city has a right to protect the larger community.
First responders put themselves in danger when things go wrong.

I was really enthralled in the conversation when one of the first responders said:

“You can buy a tiger, but you can’t buy common sense”

At first I chuckled, but began to see this statement as wiser than it
first seems.

I can buy a tiger without any currency exchange.
I can summon up that tiger in me at the drop of a hat.
I can jump out of a perfectly smooth day into rage and fierce anger
when I DECIDE that someone is infringing on my rights.
We see this behavior in teenagers all the time.

A teenager might say “I have the right to my own life, just leave me alone”
and the very next minute they need money or your car.

A grown person might say
“I have the right to a satisfying relationship and my
partner is too boring. I deserve to have that affair, or to just dump
my partner”
We see and read about this behavior all the time.

The next time you decide to inhabit the fierce animal within, act as
if it would be easier to purchase some common sense instead.
It’s a lot harder than grabbing hold of the raging beast but in the
long run, it is much easier on you, your family and the community at
large.

Let’s think LONG term solutions, let’s think common sense.
Let the raging animal slink back into its well furnished cave. Don’t
worry; it’s never really that far away.
I guarantee it will poke its head out in a few minutes.
Beware the beast within!

Love and light,

Indrani

If you build it… Will they really come?

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ehow.com

What if you build something, or create something or plan something and
people say they will attend. Yes, they are sure that they will come.

So you invest time, money, energy, etc, and you are pumped, and you
are energized and you are ready.

The day has finally arrived, with all the planning, all the reminders. You get into your car and drive to the venue. You check all the
systems that need to be checked. You wait and wait and wait. The time of performance is here, the music starts and you realize that
only a handful of people have shown up. You keep calm and carry on all the while wondering how could it be that it all fell apart?

This, dear friend, is what happened on 12/18/2011.

I had been asked by several people to plan a Christmas flash mob. So I did.
I kept asking people are you sure that you are coming. I could still cancel, if there was no interest. But, I was constantly reminded that
there was interest.

How does it feel to put time and love and attention into something that fizzles at the last moment?

Here’s what NOT to do!

Do Not Take It Personally!
It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with every individual who did not show. I am sure that they all wanted to be there, but life happens, and in their lives things happened that kept them away.

Was I sad?
YES, I was sad!

Was I confused?
YES, I was confused.

Did I wonder if I had somehow screwed up?
YES, I thought that I had screwed up.

How could I have screwed up?
Did I not do enough reminders on FB?
Was the planning lacking?

I do not have answers to any of those questions.
I only know that I tried my best.
At the end of the day, that is all any of us can do.
Do our best.
If it’s not good enough for anyone, well that’s just too bad.

Easy to say, harder to believe.
I encourage you this holiday, to just do YOUR best.

THEN LET IT GO.
Happiness, joy and peace this the holiday season of 2011
Love and light
Indrani

Pondering doubt.

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doubt |dout|

noun
a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction

 

My question is:  “Does doubt exist if  you have conviction and  the feeling of uncertainty?”   I say yes and this is why. Conviction is a heart-felt concept.  You feel conviction in your soul.  You just know what is right by you.

 

Uncertainty… ah that is created by the ego.  The ego and the personal identity that goes with it, are uneasy, threatened when the heart convictions don’t go along with the ego-flow.  The ego is concerned about self-importance, stature, power, its about fluff up and puff out your chest, and spread those tail feathers wide.   Hence the cliche “Proud as a peacock”. The ego is about self, “I”. It remembers, evaluates, plans and is the response to the physical & social world.

 

The ego’s entire goal is to drive the bus, to take you to where it thinks you should be.
When the ego and your heart-felt convictions, your truths, do not mesh up that creates uncertainty.

 

Uncertainty is like walking on stair steps in the dark and you are uncertain as you shift your weight on each step.  Do you stay where you think you are stable or teeter down to the next step,  perhaps falling over the step un-sure-footed.  When you shift your weight from the comfort and stability of the ego and move your weight to the heart, the ego is telling you “huh oh, careful, watch out, warning, you could topple over, if you go with your heart you could  _____fill in the blank_____________  and you don’t want that to happen!”

 

This is where faith in your heart comes is.  Faith in listening to your heart, overcoming doubt, to know that next step is not going to take you tumbling.  To follow your heart, your truth, your conviction may cause:  ridicule, despise, anger, resentment, oh and a litany of things, but in the end you can ride out the affects because you know it is your truth, the foundation in which you are firmly planted on.

 

How do you work through your doubt when your ego’s uncertainty teeter-totters with your convictions?

 

The Courage of a Stallion

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How much do you think a stallion weighs? Go ahead…make a guess.

Do you think that a stallion has courage and strength? Do you think the bigger the stallion, the more courageous? Daring? What if I told you that there is a breed of stallions that weight about 28 lbs? Would you believe me? Well here is photo of it and here is the web link to learn more.

I challenge you to step up to your courage and valor in spite of the thought that you may not be BIG enough or STRONG enough. If you could NOT believe that you needed a certain size or a certain societal prerequisite to embody stallion-like characteristics how would you be different?

I was applying for a program one day and they asked my height and I responded “a statuesque 5 ft 1 inch”. I really do feel tall. I forget that people see me as a small woman. My courage is as large as any I have ever met. I invite you to step into your courage.

BTW if you are in Austin,TX or the surroundings on 10/22, come hear me present an exhilarating talk sponsored by O Magazine and Ikea. It starts at 10.30am. I would LOVE to see you. Be sure to say hello.

Love and light Indrani