Tag Archives: gender based violence

Brighter Life Bit #11: Accommodate, Attack, Avoid, OR just say NO…

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 14 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

According to William Ury in “The Power of a Positive No” instead of saying “No” you are most likely doing one of the following:

Accommodating: instead of saying no you accommodate the other person’s request, and in doing so lose your power.

Attacking: instead of saying no you get upset and attack the other person, and in doing so lose relationship.

Avoid: instead of saying no, you avoid the entire situation, resulting in a loss of power and relationship.

Which of the three “A’s” is your biggest substitute for saying “No”?

Once you clearly identify your accommodate, attack, avoid tendencies you are better prepared to start saying “No”

A message from Indrani for International Women’s Day…..

Sunday, March 8th is International Women’s Day.

Click below to listen to a special message from our Founder, Indrani Goradia.

Click here to play video…

 

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How will you celebrate women all over the world? Let us know in the comment section below!

Celebrating YOU!

 

Love & light,

Team ILF

 

Kids on Mindfulness…..Just Breathe

We could all learn a thing or two from these kids.

 

Watch as they describe what happens when they start to feel angry and then what they do to control the emotion.

 

Our future is so bright. 

 

 

Love & light,

 

Team ILF

Brighter Life Bit #10: A quick way to know if your “Yes” is going to cause trouble

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 5 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Here is one quick, and easy to use tool, that you can use to identify when your “Yes” is a mistake, and you should probably be saying “No”:

When you do something quickly to relieve emotional pressure it is usually not the right answer.

Think back to the most recent “no” you should have said:

What emotional pressures were you trying to avoid by saying “yes”? Do these same emotional pressures come up repeatedly when you think of all of the “no’s” you have recently turned into “yeses”?

What to give up for lent….it’s not what you think.

Mother-in-lawThe days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday marks the Lenten season for Christians.

Many people “give up” something for lent. Many stop eating sweets or stop drinking or some other behavior modification.

Few people give up “being nasty” to others.

That maybe be too harsh a thing to say, but it needs to be said.

I recently met a woman whose son was getting married and she “asked” to go to the bridal dress shopping expedition. The future daughter in law was nice enough to take her along. When the bride found the perfect dress, she asked the mother in law what she thought and the response was… “It’s not to my liking.”

The bride went ballistic and shouted at the mother in law that it was NOT her wedding.

As I was listening to this story, I wondered why the mother in law was not giving up something other than sweets for lent.

She was so ferociously attacking the bride-to-be and calling her names to whom ever was listening, like “hoochie” that it was very hard to be sympathetic to her hurt feelings.

Personally, I know what the bride felt like. When I was getting married, none of the saris that I wanted were “good enough” for my future in laws.

Luckily, I was quite stubborn, and with the help of my future husband I got exactly what I wanted.

Parenting is hard at all ages and when kids are grown up enough to start their own families we all get to enter a new stage of parenting. This time we get to try to be nurturing to complete strangers whom our children have chosen.

We have to give up judgments of what they should or should not do.

We have to help the young people to sort through their own lives.

This is the only way forward into a new stage of non aggression with the new family member.

I wished this women would give up bad mouthing her future daughter-in-law for lent instead of cookies and candies.

I believe that I suggested she give up negative thinking instead of sweets and she said that it would be too difficult.

Is that not the idea for lent? To make a sacrifice that smarts a little?

So what have you given up for lent? Let us know in the comment section below.

Make the sacrifice count. Make the sacrifice make you a better person.
Love and light,
Indrani

Are Statistics Killing the Fight Against Gender Based Violence?

sad-girl-236769_128030% of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of violence by their partner…

OR

… 2 weeks after getting married Alice’s husband began telling her that she was worth nothing, no one else would ever want her, and she was lucky that he had decided to marry her. Alice finally decided to leave, 20 years later, when her husband got angry and put his fist through the wall, missing her head by inches.

38% of murders of women are committed by an intimate partner…

OR

… Ellen did not have dinner ready when her husband came home one night. He went to the shed, retrieved an axe, entered the home, and proceeded to assault his wife with the axe putting her in the hospital with multiple injuries. Years later, when Ellen’s husband was released from jail, Ellen took him back into her home to continue their life together.

Statistics or stories.

Which has a greater impact? Which makes the situation of Gender Based Violence feel more real to those who are not directly involved?

What if all of the numbers being collected, compiled, and shared, are not only, not the answer, to ending Gender Based Violence, but are part of the problem?

Numbers make things less messy, more sterile, something to read, then nod your head, perhaps making a “tsking” sound before moving on with your day. Or, even worse, numbers can be something that are misunderstood or used to minimize a problem:

30% of women, well that is less than half of all women, so should we really be throwing more money at this problem?

Stats show that the number hasn’t been increasing over the years, so it isn’t a growing problem

One of the most impactful events in the past year on Gender Based Violence awareness was not a new percentage of people affected, it was Ray Rice punching his girlfriend in the head on camera.

From Statistics to Stories

What if, instead of using calculated numbers, the fight against Gender Based Violence focused more on telling stories?

Instead of a sterile stat spoken in a news clip, 365 personal stories were collected from women about their personal experience with Gender Based Violence, and one of these stories was spoken (and witnessed) on the news every night?

What if, instead of compiling a stat like 30% of women, actual real time numbers were tracked to provide a clearer story? A website or phone number that abused women could visit or call and quickly register that they were just abused, creating an ongoing tally of how serious this problem is.

30% is a stat, knowing that on Monday 10,000 women had reported being abused, but by Tuesday 11,250 women had been abused helps numbers tell a story that people can better understand and take action on.

What if, we stop letting the numbers distance us from the problem and start to live these experiences with the women suffering on a day to day basis?

Could a focus on stories instead of statistics make a big difference in the goal of eliminating Gender Based Violence?

Brighter Life Bit #9: Who are you saying “Yes” to, when you should be saying NO?

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 5 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Do you have trouble saying “No”?

It is easy to say “no” to the stuff you don’t want, those are not the “no’s” we are talking about. We are talking about the challenging “no’s”, the ones that come when you have to say “no” to something you DO want, or to someone you care about, or want to help. It is these difficult “no’s” that you don’t say when you should, that get you into way trouble.

You need to learn to say “No” right now!

But first, you need to explore the challenges you are facing when trying to deliver these difficult “no’s”, so for today’s Brighter Life Bit pick a person or situation where you experience difficulty in saying NO (when you KNOW you should say it) and answer this question:

Why do you have trouble saying no to this person or situation in your life?

It’s a Revolution……

1br_rev_landscape_stack_w.date_blackHappy V-Day!

Did you know that 1 in 3 women will be beaten or raped during her lifetime? That’s ONE BILLION WOMEN AND GIRLS!

If this statistic is as shocking to you as it is to us, you should join our friends over at One Billion Rising. They have started an incredible Revolution to end violence against women and girls.

Every February, we rise – in hundreds of countries across the world – to show our local communities and the world what one billion looks like and shine a light on the rampant impunity and injustice that survivors most often face.  We rise through dance to express joy and community and and celebrate the fact that we have not been defeated by this violence. We rise to show we are determined to create a new kind of consciousness – one where violence will be resisted until it is unthinkable. This year we are rising for Revolution. We are initiating a new series, “Building to One Billion Rising Revolution” where we will be sharing stories of extraordinary activists who embody the creative radical shift in consciousness required to bring about CHANGE.  ~Grassroots Activists who fight for justice and liberation with passion and joy.

LABL 012: No Matter What You Can Make It

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #12 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Paulette Norman discuss Paulette’s experience with tremendous loss and the lessons she has learned:

  • the challenges in your life mold you not break you
  • the importance of gumption and inner fortitude
  • when you need to surrender and when you need to stand up for yourself
  • how a moth made a huge impact on Paulette’s journey
  • how not to die as a crazy old lady

You can get more information about Paulette’s work at: www.protectingchildren.org

Podcast Recording

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