Tag Archives: gender based violence

Sledge hammers, rubber mallets, nail guns…what’s your tool of choice?

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woman-with-toolbeltYou must have heard the adage, “if the only tool you have is a hammer then everything looks like a nail.”

If you have not heard it, now you have.

I was thinking about expanding on this… what if you only have nails and you need a hammer? Then you have to determine what kind of hammer you need, right?

For instance, if you need to put a small nail in the wall to hold a small painting it would not help to use a sledge hammer because you would not have any wall left.

If you needed to put together some delicate furniture that needed some good pressure, you better use a rubber mallet and that too, very gingerly.

If we can expand this metaphor into the challenges that life gives, we must determine exactly what king of challenge is at hand and what kind of hammer we need.

If a child makes a mistake, say spills milk or pushes a sibling, then using a switch to beat the living daylights out of him, a la Adrian Peterson, is akin to using a sledge hammer. Your aim will be to inflict the most pain for the smallest injury.

Why would anyone choose to do that?

In my experience, sledge hammers and rubber mallets are NEVER needed, nor are nail guns. Instead what we usually need is to take a time out and to discover what other tools we have in our tool belt.

When you have a challenge, take a time out instead of taking out the sledgehammers.

Everyone will be happier.

 

Love and light,
Indrani.

Stopping sexism towards men – A solution for gender based violence?

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Sexism is a term normally associated with women. It affects women in the workplace, on the street, in the media; it affects women in so many different ways, that we often forget an important piece of the sexism puzzle:

Sexism affects everyone: bisexuals, transgender, lesbians, gay men, and yes, even straight men.

Watch Laci Green as she unpacks and explores the idea of sexism against men and the effect it is having on everyone.

Watch and imagine what effect it would have on gender based violence if men no longer felt that they NEEDED to hide emotions, be powerful, and do manly things like fight, fix things, and have lots of sex to prove how masculine they are.

Could part of the solution be as easy as realizing that: there is no man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender. There are humans.

Have you ever been sexist towards a man? If you are one of our male readers, have you ever experienced sexism?

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

 

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Brighter Life Bit #5: Crossed Boundaries, watch for these signs

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 52 minutes and 33 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here

Continuously broken personal boundaries will have wide ranging effects on your entire life, and those you love. “Go to the movies” and watch some of your own footage to see if any of these broken boundary symptoms are showing up for you:

  • Feelings of guilt, depression, and humiliation
  • Feeling confused, unsafe, or fearful
  • A loss of confidence and ability to trust intuition
  • Starting to question your values and beliefs
  • Physical exhaustion and constantly getting sick

Boundary related stress, over time, will also have an effect on everyone around you as they witness your stress and the physical and spiritual toll this stress causes.

Write down the boundaries that are being crossed, and the different ways that these crossed boundaries are effecting the loved ones in your life, then share some of your responses in the comments below.

LABL 011: Indrani’s Story and Lessons From a Broken Singing Bowl

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #11 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani is interviewed by Shawn Shepheard. You will learn:

  • the back story of how Indrani’s Light was named and began
  • Why Indrani doesn’t have a choice in what she does
  • The answer to the question: Why you Indrani?
  • The story of the Broken Singing Bowl

And SO much more!

Podcast Recording

[powerpress]

Whose behaviour are you misdiagnosing?

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“What does it look like when you put [a traumatized] kid in a classroom? When people don’t understand there’s been a tiger in your life, it looks a lot like ADHD to them.” – Dr. Heather Forkey 

This quote comes from the last line of a recent article published about the misdiagnosis of childhood trauma as ADHD (you can read the full article here.)

Rushed doctor’s not taking enough time with patients, teachers and parents looking for a quick solution, families hiding the reality of their home life, and a lack of support for children experiencing trauma have all contributed to the possible misdiagnosis of ADHD, when in reality the child is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to trauma.

Which raises an interesting question for all of us in our everyday lives: who have we misdiagnosed with a rushed and incorrect label in our own lives?

We call the neighbor’s teenage daughter that “gets around” promiscuous (if we are being nice) and a “slut” (if we are not being nice).

We call the boy in the Motley Crue jacket, smoking cigarettes a “thug” and walk on the other side of the road.

We call the lawyer at the party, who pushes everyone away with her know-it-all behaviour, a snob.

The child who never has lunch at school and wears old, torn clothes “just comes from a poor family”.

The bully in the playground is “big for his age, and pushy”.

The little boy, bouncing off the walls at the grocery store while his mother screams “must have ADHD”.

What if each of these people has a deeper story that we are ignoring?

Dr. Nicole Brown, Dr. Heather Forkey and their colleagues are working hard to change the landscape of ADHD diagnosis, hoping that they can teach professionals to look deeper, go beyond the quick and simple diagnosis and find what may really be going on with some of these kids.

You may not be a professional, but doesn’t taking more time and going deeper with your own “diagnosis” of people seem like a good idea?

How could your life, and their life, be different if you did?

 

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Brighter Life Bit #4: Going to the Movies

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 33 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here:

If there is one tool you take away from the first Live a Brighter Life class, this is the one to keep close at hand, and use as often as needed. Indrani calls it Going to the Movies:

  1. Choose a person in your life you have not been able to stand up to.
  2. Imagine this person crossing one or more of your personal boundaries.
  3. Do nothing but observe yourself in this situation. Watch as if you are at the movies, watching someone who looks like you and acts like you.
  4. Notice what this character is doing while the boundary is being broken. How are they standing or sitting? What are they doing with their hands, eyes, mouth?
  5. Now notice what the character is thinking and feeling. What thoughts are running through their head? What emotions are they feeling?

Now grab a piece of paper, a word document, or your journal and answer these questions:

  • What are the personal boundaries being crossed?
  • How are you reacting to these boundaries being crossed?
  • What are you communicating non-verbally and verbally? What are you holding inside?
  • You are the director and script writer of your life: after watching your “film”, what new role would you like to play?

Share your answers to these questions in the comments section below and we can work together to find your new role in the next movie

Let 2015 be the year that you Make A Scene…..

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Here at ILF we are proud of all women everywhere who stand up for what is right and JUST.

Today we commend Susan Hyatt for the action she took while on her daily run when she saw a wrong and righted it.

This is #doonething at its finest.

Here are her words…

{Make a fucking scene.} People! I was just on my run, and I passed two teenage girls and an adorable little yellow lab puppy. I stopped to pet the puppy and ran along.

On my way back, I saw them about a tenth of a mile up the road. The girls were facing my direction. The puppy’s leash was wrapped around one of the girl’s legs and was cowering behind her. One teenage boy was in a parked car on the curb, and the other was in one of the girl’s space, yelling at her, moving quickly in her face, and puffing up his chest. She looked terrified and like she was going to fall. The other girl saw me and started waving at me wildly and yelling for help. She was crying.

In a split second, mama bear instinct kicked in and I don’t think I’ve ever ran so fast or yelled so loudly. “Hey! Back the hell up!”

As I approached, the boy (about 19 ish), said, “Oh, what’s Miss Sparkle-Case- iphone gonna do?”

Me, “Well, I just sent a text to my son, and in about 60 seconds, he and about ten of his friends will be getting in line behind me to kick. your. coward. ass.”

Punk, “I’d like to see you try, you crazy bitch.”

Me, “I’ve got nothing to lose today and if I’m going down, it’ll be while beating some sense into you. Try me.”

At this point his friend was yelling at him to get in the car and stop being an idiot.

He muttered something under his breath about me being a nutcase and got in the car.

The girl sat down on the curb crying that she was so embarassed that they had “made a scene.” I told her, “You are worth more than a scene. And, that guy? Not worth it.”

I noticed a Post Man sitting in his van watching the three of us women band together and stand up to this guy (who was about 6’4″ and easily had 100 pounds on me.) I went over to his van and tapped on the window and asked why he didn’t get out and come help. He apologized but didn’t think it was “his business.” If you see someone in danger, make it your fucking business. At least call 911.

As it turns out, this kid was harassing her because she broke up with him. I walked them home and she was going inside to tell her mom and report the incident.

As I think about this, I’ve been the girl. I’ve been the friend. I’ve been the postman. Please let 2015 be the year that you make a scene. Make a loud, messy scene. How often are we afraid because we were taught “Don’t make a scene.” Screw that. Make a scene. In big and bold ways. Speak up. Speak loud. Do not cower.

And with this adrenaline fueled post, I give you some wise words from Nicki Manaj’s “Fly”….

Cause I am not a word, I am not a line
I am not a girl that can ever be defined
I am not fly, I am levitation
I represent an entire generation
I hear the criticism loud and clear
That is how I know that the time is near
So we become alive in a time of fear
And I aint got no muthaf-cking time to spare

And that pic? That’s me. Proud of three girls in the street today.

‪#‎whorunsthismutha‬ ‪#‎noassholepolicy‬

Brighter Life Bit #3: Unhealthy Personal Boundaries

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 21 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here, or from the ILF website here.

A great place to start when defining and building your personal boundaries is to look at the unhealthy personal boundaries you may have in your life. Things like:

  • Going against a personal value or right in order to please others
  • Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving
  • Letting others define you

Here is a great exercise to use to help you identify the boundaries you need to start working on:

List the ten people in your life that annoy you the most and explore the boundary that is being broken in each situation. Write that boundary down and post it in the comments below.

The Science behind Spanking……

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BadBehavior-532x800-881x499Let’s face it….parenting is the toughest job on the planet. Everyone does it a little differently but I like to think that all parents have the same goal in mind and that is to raise a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child into adulthood.

This article shows the science and facts behind Corporal Punishment, aka Spanking.

One of the long term negative effects? Increased risk of spousal abuse or child abuse as an adult. (And that’s just one.)

http://www.upworthy.com/the-science-of-spanking-what-happens-to-spanked-kids-when-they-grow-up?c=ufb1

Let’s discuss in the comment section below.  Where do you stand on this topic? What type of disciplinary actions do you use (or have you used) as a parent?

 

Love & light,

Team ILF

Thankful for a great 2014….

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nwlrbb50b76a9dc4871As we prepare to join loved ones this holiday season, let us take just a few moments to sit in silence and speak softly the things that pop into our heads that we are thankful for.

For me, it always starts with the simplest things:

  • My health
  • My family
  • The deep love of my children and husband
  • The warmth of my home.

Some of the more significant events are:

  • Visits to India and Trinidad to start global programs.
  • The first Train-the-Trainer in Austin.
  • Train-the-Trainer in Trinidad and how well we all formed community.
  • The ILF Team.
  • The love, support and brilliance of Andrea J Lee.
  • The new knowledge that Kate Roberts has spied about the way I teach and the way it can impact behavior change.
  • My ongoing partnership with PSI and being on the WIN team with Melinda Gates and The Princess of Norway and a group of female philanthropists who are ready to change our world.

What does your list look like?

Please let us know in the comment section below.

May you be at Peace.

Love and light,

Indrani