Tag Archives: Gratitude

In the darkest hours…you must love yourself.

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In the darkest hours…you must love yourself.

When you have convinced yourself (or have been convinced by someone else) that you are:
Not worthy
Stupid
Ignorant
Ugly
Frigid
Barren
Undeserving of love

The list goes on…

You MUST find something in you that you like.

Perhaps you like your:
Smile
Laugh
Skin
Inner strength
Compassionate nature

This list can go on also.

You must focus on one or a few positives and drive all of the rest from your mind and heart.
Write in a journal about your past successes or people who still love you.
Find a few things to be grateful for and write them down.

These simple actions will help you to see some light through the darkness.
Trust me, it works.

Love and light,
Indrani

The Gift of Understanding Jokes…

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At first glance, this title seems simple enough.
Of course you can understand a joke. You crack up at Last Comic Standing and you get satire and you can deliver a nice zinger whenever you wish.
Or do you?
Can you?

I just finished Priscilla Gilman’s The Anti-Romantic Child, and I have come to appreciate the gift of this nuance called joking.

Priscilla comes to find out that her first born son has hyperlexia.
She realizes that his grasp of language nuance may be compromised. At this same time she is a Professor of English Literature at Yale.
Her two lives, Mom of Benj and Professor Gilman allow her to understand with painful clarity what we all take for granted.
“There are so many fundamental and important things that we have and take for granted- the ability to converse, to joke, to
decipher body language, to advocate for ourselves….the ability to have meaningful exchange with another person. We are so lucky!”

After reading this paragraph, I had to stop and reflect on the wisdom in those words.
I have NEVER been grateful for my language skills.
I never considered it anything special that I have quick wit and can understand satire, jokes and sense when someone might be lying. Heck, understanding that I even have the ability to lie is quite evolved. I take all language gifts for granted.

It broke my heart when Priscilla talks about all the challenges that Benj has like the ability to use the first pronoun, I and to call someone by their name is a skill. It means the brain is wired in a way that allows these things to happen seamlessly.

I look at my children and deeply appreciate so much more of all that they are.
I feel the fear that Priscilla Gilman has for the future challenges that Benj will face.

Her strength and fierce love of Benj is palpable, and when she said that she realized LOVE is the best medicine, I had to jump up and cheer.

How many of us take for granted all the little miracles that occur in our lives every minute of every day.
I invite you to take off the lens of ” yea yea, gratitude is great but” and SEE all that is within the things that we love.
Can we accept the people in our lives with all their short comings and still be courageous enough to simply love them.
Can we love ourselves for all that we are and not look first at the faults?

I am grateful to Priscilla Gilman for having the courage to lay bare the sweetness of all that she has learned.
I want a sequel, please. I am invested in Benj. I am invested in you and in me.
Thank you for turning on a light that I did not know was out.

What can you celebrate today about your own self that you did not celebrate yesterday?

Love and light
Indrani

Compassion fatigue…when caregivers are too tired to care!

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What happens to ME when I get sick from doing too much for YOU?
What happens to YOU when I can no longer hold you in my heart with love and respect because I am tired of your pain?
What happens to MY PAIN when I cannot find a way to see through your pain and into your soul?
What happens to all of us when we begin to shut down our hearts and rely on formulaic “fixes”?

These are very important questions if you are in the healing worlds of:
Mothering
Fathering
Sistering
Brothering
Coaching
Counseling
Ministering
Wife-ing
Husband-ing

You must have a place to go that is safe…a place where you will NOT be judged for being tired of caring or care taking.
A place where it’s okay to say “I am tired, I am sick AND tired.”

You are human. Humans get tired.
Fatigue does not last forever. When you are fatigued you need rest. You need physical rest, mental rest and emotional rest.
Allowing yourself to rest will give you a chance to be clear. Clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.

Here are a few things that may help on a weekly or monthly basis:

A massage- There are many massage schools that charge very little so their students can practice.

A support group- find one where members have issues in common with yours. You will see that you are not alone. If you have an addiction, then try a 12 step group.
Read this blog by Kay Walten to see how much healing she is receiving from the 12 step group she stumbled into.

A yoga or meditation class- Many studios offer scholarship money for needy students. Ask and you probably will receive.

Plan a Gratitude party for your friends- Tell them who is coming and ask them to write an anonymous note to each person and focus on that person’s greatness. Ask each person to bring a small dish to share. Do not overindulge in alcohol, it dulls the senses.

Beware of compassion fatigue. It makes the sanest among us crazy…and when the brain is crazy you are not your best self.

Love and light,

Indrani

The hourglass called LIFE…

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One of my favorite songs is called BREATHE by Anna Nalick. One of the lines in this wonderful song is “life’s like an hour glass glued to the
table”.

The visual is quite glaring, no flip-overs. What’s done is DONE! My take on this is what’s done is not necessarily GONE!
How can that be?

Yes, time passes, but the memories and lessons last as long as they serve me.

Here is the thing that gets many of us into tons of trouble…

I can make sad memories last FOREVER. I turn them every which way from Sunday. I ponder about things I could’ve done, should’ve done or would do if I am ever in that same situation again.

What I am really doing is wasting the sands that are flowing through the hourglass right now. Instead, if I try to learn what I did well and promise myself that I WILL NOT repeat what I did that brought sadness then I am most surely using those grains of sand to the best possible end.

I have hourglasses strewn throughout my home and office and I often just flip them over to remind myself that those grains of sand really do represent my moments here on earth…moments that are precious and perfect.

Go out and find yourself a beautiful hourglass and keep it in view. When you feel yourself wasting time or fretting about things that cannot be changed, like the weather or a cranky family member, flip the hourglass. This can work one of two ways:

1.) Fret for as long as there is sand left on the top and make it a best fretting you have ever done…then be done!

Or

2.) Use it to remind yourself that the grains represent precious time and start being grateful for all the good in your life.

Time is precious…
You are precious…
Life is precious…

Happy hunting for your hourglass!

Love and light
Indrani

Gratitude, Presence and Self-care…a GPS for life’s twists and turns.

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How many of us now depend on devices that help us to navigate our way to a new destination? The answer is lots of us.

How many of us refuse to tune into our inner GPS to find the way to Peace and Joy? The answer is LOTS of us.

While it is easy to just put an address into your device and get directions, you still must do a few things:

-You must keep the device charged so you can use it.
-You have to learn how to input the address and where to find the app that gives the directions.
-You have to have the presence of mind to closely follow the directions and make the turns that it suggests or you will not get to where you want to go.

This is also true of our internal GPS. Yes, we all have one.
The inner GPS is called intuition. Your intuition will give you hints of Yes and No when you are turning in a direction that is not aligned with the work you were sent here to do. Your work may or may not coincide with the job you have. If it does, you will feel joyful and fulfilled even if there are many struggles in your life. If, however, your job makes you depleted and sad, then your work that you are meant to do is far from what you do daily.

There is a quick fix for this. Yes, a quick fix.

Your intuition wants to steer you into the work you are meant to do and it can if you begin to feel grateful for all the things that you have, even the challenges. Being able to stay present in the midst of challenge and being grateful for the lesson in the challenge is the quickest way to JOY. I promise you, this really does work.

Every night before bed, I write at least 5 things that I am grateful for and I go to bed with gratitude in my head and heart. The “S” in the GPS is for self-care. That means that you put yourself at the TOP of each list you have, and you must be sure you do something for yourself each day. It can be as simple as allowing the answering machine to get the phone calls for a short time while you do a special something. It can be reading a good book, taking a bath, sitting in silence, listening to your favorite music, chatting with a treasured friend, etc. These snippets of self care do not have to look like taking a whole weekend off to go to the spa, although that’s good too!

Waiting for the “right” moment for self-care is a great way to put off self-care. It is a good way to fool yourself into thinking that you have made yourself a priority.

If you are a subscriber to my newsletter, you have received my 5 minutes to Happiness tool that allows you to quickly tap into your positive traits. If you are brave enough to align your behaviors with your positive traits you will have found a quick way to follow your inner GPS.

You can get 5 minutes to Happiness here.

Give this a try for 7 days. I would love to hear how it works for you!

Love and light
Indrani

I was there…now I am here…

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A few hours ago I was in Guatemala sitting and laughing with a group who came together in a serendipitous and synchronistic way to bring smiles to lonely and hurting folk. That was our ONLY purpose. We searched out second hand shops and costume stores, raided our husband’s closets and searched deep within our hearts to find our inner clown.

We donned red noses held up with thin elastic string and we wrapped feather boas and other decorations in our hair and we clambered onto a bus and screamed and waved to innocent bystanders as we zoomed by them.

We were NOT ourselves and we were our BEST selves.
Patch Adams says,
“Clowning is my favorite me”.

This simple statement made immediate sense to me.
This however is not the only self that I loved on this trip.

I loved the self that:

  • taught the 16 year old new mom how to breast feed.
  • lovingly worked with a small boy who was severely handicapped and
    massaged his limbs for almost 75 minutes
  • held the head of an exhausted mother who waited for her child to wake
    up from surgery. She wept and I sang softly into her ear. Even though
    I sang in English and she only spoke Spanish we did connect at the
    soul level.
  • held a young clown who wept at the injustice of all that we saw and
    did not know what to do with all the emotions that he felt.
  • held an older clown who had just lost her dear four-legged friend to a
    hungry coyote. We screamed and cursed the coyote and then we accepted
    the circle of life and all the pain that it entails.
  • sat quietly on the bus and watched the volcanoes and felt immense
    gratitude for my eyes and my ability to come on this trip.

There are many other selves that I met and that I shared. All of them
had their place. I cannot really say that I had a favorite.

I have learned to like my selves.
I have learned to love my selves.
I have felt the joy of all my selves.

I invite you to begin to release some of your selves. Set them free.
Let them run wild. Allow them to trip and fall and get up again.

Make your nose red.
Get out of your head.
Put a smile on your face.
Make this world a sweeter place

Love & light,

Indrani

How large is your Grudge box?

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How large is your Grudge box?

First what IS a Grudge Box? It’s the place in your head where you keep
track of all your past grudges.

You know…

The kid in high school who stole your ONE true love
The woman in the grocery line who flirted with your “ever-so-handsome-and-everyone-wants-him” husband
The mother-in-law who never respects any of your ideas and loves the other one better

Yep, all these and more.

So be honest, how large is your grudge box?

I am working on reducing mine in the following ways:

1. Forgiving myself for holding on to the past.
2. Creating an even larger Gratitude box.
3. Maintaining protective distance from people whom I fear may hurt me.
4. Explaining to my close family that I am no longer in the grudge
business and that I will attempt to clear the air if I feel a grudge
surge coming on.

You may borrow my strategies, or make some of your own. I would love to hear from you.

Love and light
Indrani

Blessed out

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On 12/24 I was involved in something that will make this Holiday really memorable.

Let me tell you what it was NOT.

It was not something that I have to store.

It will not clutter my life.

It does not sparkle in the usual way.

It did not cost me an arm and a leg.

I did not incur any credit card debt.

Everyone who heard about it loved it and some were even jealous that they did not do it.

 

This is what I did…

I was part of a group that hosted a Christmas Party for a group of homeless folk. I was a part of a team of people who provided gifts and food. I did something a little extra. I created a Book Store background and I set up an author signing table and signed books for anyone who wanted one. The party was magical. It was a blessing to be able to spend part of my holiday with these guys. They showed up with a smile. They relished their food and their gifts and some of them sat down and began to read. One beautiful woman said, “I ain’t never meet me a real author before”. I gave her a huge hug and said I was so glad to meet her.

 

When folks live on the streets or in the woods, their possessions have to be functional. Nothing too heavy, or requires too much care. So books may not be so practical. They can get wet or be too bulky for a bag that is already crammed. My hope is that they read as much as they need and then repurpose it as needed. It may end up as kindling for a fire on a cold night. Some of the pages may become a napkin. It may even be a pillow. The book will disappear at some point in their lives. It will be with them for exactly the amount of time they need it and they will forget it and move on.

 

I will not forget the memories I made giving it to them and the feeling I had in my heart.

I am grateful that they came and shared part of their day with me.

I hope that 2012 will be better for them than 2011.

That is my prayer.

 

Doing something for folks in need is one of the quickest ways to get blessed out.

 

I wish you a blessed out New Year. Dream Large in 2012. The world needs us all to show up to the fullest extent of our capacities.

 

Love and light

Indrani

Being yoga vs. doing yoga

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People generally “do” yoga. They go to classes, take their place on their mats, and do the poses…they are dealing with the body. Which is one limb of yoga. It may be easy to do a back bend, balance in a tree pose or strike a warrior pose.

Being yoga is harder. It takes a strong and willing spirit to be patient, compassionate & understanding to yourself & others. It does not require a mat, or being at a class at a specific time.

It requires an open heart, a quiet mind and awareness.
There…is the work.

LOST

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I lost about 6 months’ worth of intellectual property. I had about 75 written blogs and classes and general musings in my notes on my iPad.

How did I lose it?

Here is the sad story:

I had a defunct email on my iPad and was deleting it to install my new email address (which BTW is: Indrani@indranislight.org) and when I hit delete, not only did the email go away but all my notes aligned with the email disappeared also.

I looked helplessly at the emptiness of my NOTES section. I could not even remember all the great stuff I had been writing over these 6 months. Even this blog is brand new but was supposed to be something else. I did not freak out, because it would have been no use. I did not yell or act ugly when the apple genius told me that there was nothing he could do. I recognized the truth when I heard it. It was just one of those things.

Is this the first time I have lost work? No. But it was the first time that I had lost this much work. I had to re-focus my energies and decide what to do next.

What was needed?

I needed a blog and soon.

What should I write?

There’s nothing as powerful as the present lessons to write about. In case you don’t think that this lesson can apply to you, let me give you some examples of stuff going up in smoke: You are counting on something happening in a certain order and out of the blue things change, like a vacation that gets cancelled, or you don’t get into the school of your choice, or your child decides that they are moving to another country and you don’t know how you’ll live without them… There are many ways to be lost.

You can bitch and moan or you can make a different plan. There are so many examples in life when stuff happens to good people, and I have no doubt that you are good people. I also have no doubt that you can use the brain in your head to come up with ways to cope.

The next best thing to do is to make a list of all that is still right with the world. This would look a lot like a gratitude list. Make the items as detailed as you can. It even helps to be grateful for that fact that you can remember that you are lost. What if you didn’t even know you were lost? That would look a little like dementia and that would be a little harder to fix.

So here are some of the items I AM grateful for:

I have use of my hands and can still type.

I still have a brain in my head that works pretty good and I can create new material.

I enjoy writing and have some readers who love to read what I have to say.

I did not lose my physical iPad.

I am sitting at the beginning of the last Harry Potter movie and writing this, while waiting for my baby girl with whom I have shared all the other HP movies. This just makes me all kinds of gratitude.

Do I still feel lost? Not so much anymore.

I have faith that I will create exactly what needs to be created at the right moment that it is necessary. In the meantime, I intend to just be grateful. Yep this is my plan.

Let me know what you can be grateful for.

Love and light from Indrani