Tag Archives: healthy boundaries

Can I stand back up? Yes.

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WomanImageStand back up from what, you may ask?

I was recently assaulted and although it was “unintentional”, intentional or unintentional, the psychological injury is the same.

As I wallow in shame, doubt, distrust and unworthiness…I look for the lessons I can take from the experience to put into good use.

I have learned to stand up for my boundaries and to find strength in knowing I am worthy. I can use this knowledge to help others who may not have found their strength to stand for their boundaries or appreciate their own worthiness.

We are all worthy of love and respect, no matter what.

I can say that….
if you are battling abuse, regardless of the form
if you are battling rejection
if you are battling shame, doubt, and distrust
if you are wondering if you can ever stand back up again

 

The answer is yes.

It sometimes just takes a little time…

 

~Guest blogger- who would like to remain anonymous

 

The mathematically correct way to say NO…

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N + O = Time + Energy Boost.

We have all been there, someone asks for something and we are swamped BUT we say YES because of:

  1. Guilt
  2. Fear
  3. Powerlessness
  4. Cultural norms

Yes, this list can be endless. It does NOT matter why you say YES when you want to say NO, because the effects on you are the same.

You feel taken advantage of or angry and explode at those you love or you become more powerless and it feeds your “things will always be like this” way of thinking.

By the way, the anger and explosive thing, usually happens to someone who had nothing to do with the reason you are angry. The person who gets all of your fallout is usually someone who you feel safe with and who has accepted your explosions in the past. Please note that exploding on people is a form of abuse. (Read my post on Domestic Violence here).

Being unable to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial to saying a soft and positive NO.

Yes, I said a Positive NO.

One of my very favorite books is by William Ury “The Power of a Positive NO”. I recommend you order it NOW. It has changed my life and my relationships.

If you are unable to identify how YOU wish to spend your own time, there is a LONG LINE of folks who have GREAT ideas for what you SHOULD do with your time.

Spend a few moments NOW and make a list of people who constantly steal your time, even though you have tried to stop them it continues to happen.

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Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What do these people have in common?  e.g. family, co workers, perceived power over you, people you adore and love…
  2. How do I feel when these people ask for MORE of my time? Do you feel angry, happy that you can “please them”, afraid when you hear their voice?
  3. How do I hold my posture when I am interacting with these people? Am I standing tall? Do I haunch my shoulders? Does my stomach or my head hurt?

Understanding WHAT you do when you are approached by a TIME THIEF is crucial to understanding how to set and maintain a boundary. See other posts on the Art of saying No.

Have Fun saying NO!

 

Love and light,

Indrani