PSI Ambassador Mandy Moore and philanthropist Indrani Goradia joined the PSI-Caribbean team at the launch of its gender-based violence initiave – Make It Stop. Continue reading here.
Tag Archives: Indrani Goradia
Make It Stop Launch
Good Morning Trinidad & Tobago!
PSI Caribbean brought Singer/ Actress Mandy Moore and Indrani Goradia of Indrani’s Light Foundation to GMTT to discuss their #MakeItStop campaign to reduce gender based violence.
Posted by Good Morning Trinidad and Tobago on Friday, May 22, 2015
Brighter Life Bit #17: Practicing your “Yes! No. Yes?” – develop a habit
You can listen to the original teaching at the 110 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Saying NO is never easy. At the start, using a Positive NO with your “Yes! No. Yes?” is not going to be easy either. Which is why you need to practice.
We suggest that you start with the easy NOs in your life and build up your skill with delivering a Positive NO before tackling the really big NOs you know you need to be saying. Start with saying NO:
- on the phone when someone tries to sell you something
- to the post office when they deliver junk mail
- to a toleration in your home or office
- an article of clothing you no longer need
- a small request from a family member
In each situation remember to use your “Yes! No. Yes?” statement and have your Plan B ready to put into action.
We would love to hear more about your experience with delivering a Positive NO. You can share your experience in the comments below…
Brighter Life Bit #16: Plan B: What to say if your NO is not accepted
You can listen to the original teaching at the 80 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Have you delivered you first “Yes! No. Yes?” to someone? If so, congratulations! Did they accept your NO?
If they didn’t, it is time to move on to Plan B.
Plan B is a second, or back up plan that addresses your core interest and supports your original Yes! that is not dependent on the other person being involved. Plan B is not retaliation, not anger, and not a threat, Plan B is what you are going to do ANYWAYS when the other person doesn’t accept your no.
If you are clear on your Plan B, and ready to move on regardless of the other person accepting your NO, no one can stop you. Your Plan B allows you to stay true to your values and what you need without depending on the other person.
Before you make your next “Yes! No. Yes?” statement to someone in your life, make sure you have developed a Plan B that you can follow through with regardless of the response you get to your NO.
Writing down your Plan B can help make it more concrete, share your Plan B with the community in the comments below…
Brighter Life Bit #15: Discover your “Yes?” to follow up your NO
You can listen to the original teaching at the 42 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
For today’s lesson think of an example in your life where you have been accommodating, attacking, or avoiding instead of saying NO. Focus on this scenario, and do the following:
- Identify the value you want to say “Yes!” to.
- Ask yourself “How does saying NO serve and support this Yes! ?”
- With your Yes! in mind imagine saying NO to the person.
- Now share you second “Yes?” with this person.
This second “Yes?” is a new option you offer to the person you just said no to. It is a plan that will work regardless of what the other person decides. It needs to be an option that you can follow through on without the other person having to agree with your NO. This “Yes?” is not a compromise, it is a solution that supports you and what is important to you.
(Make sure to listen to the recording to hear Indrani’s brownie example)
Think about your own example and write down a complete “Yes! No. Yes?” statement that you can use in your situation.
When in doubt….reach for your best self
Image by Viktor Hanacek via PicJumbo
Often in life, (at least in mine) I find myself in the midst of a conversation that started off nicely, turned a better corner and then BAM, something flies out of someone’s mouth that takes me out of my pre-frontal cortex.
What’s a Pre-frontal cortex you ask?
Well, it’s that part of the brain where language and executive function reside. When you are in your PFC, you are measured, you have the language you need at the ready, you can laugh at yourself and see things as not so personal, etc.
You do all of this and more, without even realizing all the smoothly excited dance moves you are making. It comes from a place of peace and groundedness.
When the PFC is hijacked, by an event such as physical abuse, or by mean spiritedness such as verbal or emotional abuse, the PFC goes offline. It’s like a total black out. You are left groping in the darkness without anything familiar to navigate your surroundings.
In this case it’s really very hard, almost super human, to reach for your best self.
You need some executive functioning to reach for your best self BUT the executive functions are no where to be found.
What to do?
I have seen myself make a bad situation worse, multiple times, by striking out as if my life depended on my response.
Almost as though I have my hands up and pleading for my life.
It feels that urgent….but it has never been that urgent.
I am fortunate that my life has never been threatened in real life, however, the life I have lived in my head sometimes feels like it is being threatened.
Those times, I now realize are the times when my PFC is offline.
I have been training myself to be quiet in those times.
I have been practicing silence in those times.
I offer my practice of silence to you and it needs to be followed up with introspection after the incident.
Introspection can take place with a coach, a therapist, a non-judgmental friend or with journaling.
Write down the incident as you remember using as much detail as you can.
Then also write down a measured response firmly standing in your PFC and replay the scene and SEE yourself delivering the measured response.
Notice if you feel like you want to have many responses, all of them from your best self.
Try this technique out in a few situations over the course of 30-45 days.
Then begin to notice if there are certain people who are likely to hijack you.
Take note of who they are.
The next time you are with them, begin to notice how they are with others.
Do they pounce on others they way you feel they pounce on you?
Study these people like a private detective.
Begin to speak their words even before they say it (silently in your head).
I know a person who is so very oppositional that if they hear the sky is clear they will immediately try to prove the sky to be cloudy. They LOVE to rile people up….it’s their sport of choice.
When I am in such a situation I have started to say, “Nope, not playing this game today.”
Then I leave the room.
The first few times I did that my heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest.
I was sweating like I was running a marathon in 100 degree heat.
It took a while for me to TRAIN myself to deal with this person in these situations.
I am very good at it now.
Know that new behaviors take practice. You have to be patient with yourself. You have to practice in your head and out in real life.
Practicing in your head is like rehearsing for a part in a play. Your part, your play and YOU are writing the new script.
You know the famous William Shakespeare quote “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”
Play your part well. Write your own script.
Love & light,
Indrani
Brighter Life Bit #14: Troubleshooting your YES so you can say NO
You can listen to the original teaching at the 31 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Did discovering your “Yes” in the last Brighter Life Bit help you say NO?
If you still had trouble delivering your NO, we have some trouble shooting steps to help. If you have identified your “Yes” but are still struggling to say no ask yourself these questions:
- What do I value, and want to protect, that is important enough to say NO to this request?
- If I don’t say NO, what am I teaching/modeling to others and what effect is that having on them?
- Why is the other person and their request more important than what I value?
- What if I am just as important as other people?
After answering these questions revisit your “Yes” and see if it is now strong enough to support the NO you need to deliver in your situation.
LABL 014: Shame and Shame Resilience with Brene Brown
Welcome to Episode #14 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!
In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Brené Brown discuss:
- Shame and shame resilience
- the difference between empathy and compassion
- why relieving suffering can protect you
- why it is important to model a healthy life to your children
- why incongruent living is so exhausting
- the link between expectations and shame
- and so much more…
You can learn more about Brene Brown at www.brenebrown.com
Podcast Recording
[powerpress]
Brighter Life Bit #13: The importance of saying “Yes!” before you say NO
You can listen to the original teaching at the 24 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Before reading further, think of a current experience you are having RIGHT NOW where you are struggling with saying NO to someone. Got something in mind? Great! Keep reading…
William Ury tells us that the key to saying NO is to first get clear on what your “Yes” is.
To discover your “Yes” you need to identify what important value you believe in, that is being threatened by not saying NO. Once you are clear on this value you need to say “Yes” to protecting this value.
By saying “Yes” to what is truly important to you, you are creating a supportive structure to build your NO on.
Think of something you are struggling to say NO to. Now, write down the important value(s) you can use as a “Yes” to help support the NO you need to say in this situation.
Brighter Life Bit #12: How are you using the three “A’s”?
You can listen to the original teaching at the 14 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.
Examples make teachings concrete, so today, a quick (you are not being marked, so don’t panic):
Read the three scenarios below and identify whether it is an example of Accommodating, Attacking, or Avoiding.
- Alice’s son ignores her request to clean up his dishes for the third time while watching TV. Alice begins yelling at her son and a fight begins.
- Ann is afraid of her husband getting angry over the way she spends money on groceries, so Ann gives all of her money to her husband.
- Martha’s sees her coworker Jill in the hallway, Jill wants to borrow $200 to cover rent this month, so Martha quickly ducks into the ladies room.
In which of these three scenarios is power, relationship, or both lost?
Now, think of a situation you have recently experienced in your own life where, instead of saying “No” you accommodated, attacked, or avoided. How was your power in that situation lost? How was the relationship with that person affected?