Tag Archives: letting go of negative

PTSD or PTG?

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African-American-woman-meditating1We all know that PTSD means Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but do you know what PTG means?
PTG is Post Traumatic Growth.
There is much evidence that there can be growth from trauma.
No one would choose to be traumatized.
Trauma is an uninvited visitor and some people turn it into amazing gifts.
These people describe their lives as before the (fill in the blank) and after.
They seem to be able to excavate the experience and come up with the most amazing insights.

I recently attended a Women and Power Conference and met many such women.
There was Loung Ung whose parents were executed by the Kymer Rouge. Loung was forced to be a child soldier and has now written three books and has returned to Cambodia more than 30 times to promote human rights and justice. You can learn about her at www.loungung.com

Then I was mesmerized by Ubaka Hill, who was raped starting at a very young age and has turned to music and drumming to promote healing and community building.
You can journey with her at www.ubakahilldrumsong.com

These women are JUST like you and me. Trauma found them and they found ways to self heal and to heal their respective communities.

I was an abused child and now I devote my life to help victims of Domestic Violence because by helping the mom I can help the child who has been abused or witnessed abuse.

I am no one special. My trauma gave me my super power of compassion and empathy.
My trauma made me special….the trauma that I did not invite.

I know that you too have had trauma that was UNinvited.
Will you talk to a professional about the best way to move through your pain and then will you step into PTG?

The growth is in there…and it wants to come out.
Love and light,

Indrani

Life Imitating Cinema…..

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this way via streetandstage.comI recently had a long flight and got a chance to watch some movies. The one that intrigued me most was Happiness Therapy.

Short version:

Guy seems to be bipolar, freaks out when he catches his wife having shower sex and has a big fight with the shower sex guy. Wife leaves him. He is released from a Psych hospital to live with his parents and he is hyper-focused on getting his wife back. His father is a bookie and has major OCD issues, expects the son to just sit and hold two remotes while the Eagles play whoever they are playing. Guy meets a girl who is also struggling with her issues and invites him to be her dance partner in a competition, in exchange for giving the ex wife a letter.

As I watched it, I was mesmerized by how simple the lesson was for the world.

Here is my take….

This guy is struggling to deal with his mental stuff and trying to think of ways to get back his wife. The girl gives him a chance to help her fulfill one of her dreams and with that promise, he begins to think of someone other than himself and to think of something other than the ex wife.

He practices the dance moves constantly and he is physically exhausted and seems to be getting more mental clarity.

The girl shows him how to tap into real emotion and how to sit with the feelings, also how to bring the emotions to the dance floor.

Meanwhile his father talks him into going to the stadium, where he gets into another fight and he gets arrested.

His father makes a bookie bet on what score he will get in the dance competition and puts additional pressure on his son.

Lessons for all of us

  1. Do something significant for someone else.
  2. The something must be out of our comfort zone, so we can rewire our brains.
  3. Stay away from people who try to put us back into their dramas, even if those people are family.
  4. Do our best in the new commitment and with feeling and purpose.
  5. When people make bets on whether we do well or not, ignore them, they are toxic.
  6. Give wholeheartedly to the people we are helping.

 

I know that this blog may seem a little “pie in the sky” but it is really a good formula for permanent change.

Watch this movie, Happiness Therapy…it may help to cement these lessons.

Love and light,

Indrani

Faberge or Fauxberge?

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images via shutterpointA few weeks ago I attended the Faberge exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science.

Turns out the collection belonged to someone who started quite by accident.

The first piece that the collector bought turned out to be a fake (hence Fauxberge) and that mistake put her on a quest to educate herself about the authentic Faberge pieces.

She spent thousands of hours and as many dollars learning as much as she could about the art and hired many specialists to help her to identify real from fake.

 

How can this story possibly be connected to you?

Have you ever been called names or been told you were insensitive or mean. Have you ever been accused of turning your back on someone?

Have you ever accepted the accusations as real?

If you have, you have accepted the false or fake you that the other person is seeing.

You can say that they have FAUXED you! Yes, I just made up that word. It is pronounced “fawd”.

They have “sold” and you may have “bought” the false and unflattering description of you.

 

Who can you turn to for authentication?

The best source is, of course, YOU. However, sometimes you may be feeling so bad that you cannot be your own best friend. This is when you turn to others who are the “learned” in the field of life.

This could be a trusted friend, family member or a coach.

Each of these people can reflect to you a truer sense of who you are. Each of these individuals will release you from the choke-hold of the false beliefs.

It really is worth the investment of time and maybe dollars to investigate your true and sacred nature.

Don’t be fooled by people who try to paint you with unflattering strokes.

Be brave and stand up to these thieves of your divine self and stand in your authenticity.

If you would like a tried and true way to uncover your beautiful values go to www.viasurvey.org and take the free test.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

 

Are you an approval junkie?

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thumbs-up via successfulworkplaceApproval junkies MUST have people give them a constant supply of their drug of choice…APPROVAL.
“The most sensitive of approval junkies are reluctant to take any action that might be in their own best interest because they’d risk incurring anyone’s disdain.”

How do you handle disapproval?
Do you crater?
Do you feel like you cannot breathe?
Do you feel like your world is falling apart?

Can you ask a good, TRUSTED friend to tell you what you tend to do when people are likely to disapprove of you?

A good friend of mine finally had the nerve to stand up to her cheating husband. He accused her of being frigid and cold and not at all sexy, so that’s why he had to have affairs. After a few years of hearing these words and often believing them, one day she said, “So why would you even want to stay in this marriage if I am all of those things?” He was shocked. She asked for a divorce and told him to leave the apartment. He dragged his feet for almost 8 months and she KNEW that he was not even looking for a new place to stay.

One day when he was at work, she traded apartments with the neighbor across the hall and when he came home and used his key he found himself in someone else’s home and his clothes were in garbage bags at the bottom of the stairs. He was shocked.

That is how she managed to escape the tyranny of a lousy marriage.

He knew all of her hot buttons and he pushed them regularly. Further, he was a financial contributor and she needed his help. When she finally woke up, she had to get out.

She is happily married today and we both laugh at the experience.

What MUST you finally accept about yourself to avoid the hot buttons being activated?

One of the things that I had to accept about myself was that I have a loud voice and I speak my mind.

So now when people accuse me of speaking up or talking out of turn, it no longer hurts my feelings and I say… YEP, that’s who I am and I love myself!
What do you LOVE about yourself?

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Damaged people damage people…

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Two+women+having+an+argument via Getty images“Damaged people damage people.” Marianne Williamson
Does this sentence make sense to you?
Have you ever been in a room full of negative people and try as you may, they soon coat you with their negativity?
What is it about human nature that we tend to stick around toxic people in hopes of changing them?

You know if you are that type. I know that I used to be. The worse someone treated me, the longer I stuck around and the more emotional energy I invested in the relationship as if that would get me an A+ from some imagined professor. I would make excuses for them and tell my other friends things like, “Oh, if you ONLY knew the real so and so.” My friends would say, “If only YOU would see the real person, then you could get out.”

It is quite a pity that I had to get so old before I realized that I was wasting my time and energy with certain types of individuals. I wish I could bottle the knowledge gained from experience and give it away freely to younger women.

Unfortunately, that is not possible.
What I can do is compile a list of questions that you can ask yourself to get clarity about whether to stick around those certain individuals…here goes:

Do they make you feel better about yourself? I have a new favorite TV show called Nashville. There is a young couple on the show and he has
begun to mistreat her and accuses her of sidelining him. She tries to explain and she keeps trying to show him how much she loves him, BUT
it is not working. I want to scream at the TV and say LEAVE!

Do you feel like this person has a clear sense of what they want from their life? Is their path clear to them? If the person wants you to switch your life around so that they can be more comfortable, then this may be a sign that there is trouble in paradise.

Which begs the question, was there ever a paradise? Was there ever a time when you felt really supported and comforted? If not, why expect it now?
If yes, and something has changed, then find the courage to open up the conversation about what has changed AND do not accept blame heaped upon you.

Navigating the ups and downs of life is not easy and NEVER will be.
The easy thing to do is to accept the situation, lie and tell yourself that there is nothing you can do and THEN DO NOTHING!
Yes, doing nothing about people who make you feel like the scum of the earth is easy in the SHORT run!
In the LONG run, it is the best way to lose yourself to lies and pain.
The LONG run is what needs to be addressed, by being courageous enough to take action in the PRESENT, the shorter run.

This really is the only way!

Love and light,
Indrani

I am an ass….

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mule

I was thinking about the people in my life who I do not believe carry their own weight and me doing more than my fair share of work, carrying the burdens.

I instantly had an image of myself as a pack mule….a big, strong mule able to carry my weight and twice that on my back.

Then I thought about all the other mules.  These mules are not as strong. Some have other skills besides hauling stuff, some are younger, some older.  They are not carrying the load I feel I am carrying. I became almost blinded by anger and resentment because they are not doing the work load I believe they should be doing.

AND at the end of the day all of us mules are getting the same amount of food!

WAIT!!!
But I carried the most weight! I did my best work!

And then it hit me.  The other mules, they did their best work too.
Ooooh….

That single thought took away my anger and resentment.

I may not be happy that the other mules did not carry the same amount of weight as me, but I was given the amount of weight because I could carry it.
They were given what they could carry, and no it won’t always be equal.
Perhaps they could have carried the load better with proper attention, guidance and training….but they did the best they could.

Now, I feel like an ass…

Next time I am quick to judge on a job or task that is done, I will ask myself…did that person to the best job they are able to?

And if they didn’t… well, there will be another lesson in that I am sure.

Hee Haaww

A BOTHERSOME GROWTH…

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hand-on-shoulder-via istockIt was the size of a small marble for more than 10 years, the lipoma on my shoulder.
I used to feel it right under my skin over my right shoulder, and I hoped it would go away.
Then it started growing and I STILL hoped it would go away.
Until it grew to a size that I no longer had to feel for it, I could see it. It was really there.
Today, I finally had the courage to remove it. I had to give in, to trust in the expertise of the surgeon and the anesthesiologist and I had to ask for help!
Also, I have to accept a scar in an obvious place on my shoulder.
So BIG DEAL!!! This really is NOT a big deal.

However, I have such growths in my mental body and in my emotional body. I have ignored them and I have hoped they would go away. They’ve grown so large that they have become my blind spots. They feed my prejudices. They become the elephant in the room. They drag toxic energy wherever I go.

What would it take to rid myself of these elephants and these blind spots?

It takes making a decision.
It takes awareness.
It takes mindfulness.
It takes courage.

The best thing about the “lipomas” of my mind is that I won’t need to be put to sleep and I won’t have any physical pain when I remove them. The pain happens only if leave them IN my mind and heart.

Will you do the necessary mental surgery to get rid of the mental and emotional lipomas?
Take the first step, admit them.
Love and light,
Indrani

Deep down, we all want to run around naked…

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We cover our bodies to hide our imperfections.feet_earthing via wakeup-world.com

We use make-up to cover our blemishes.

There are so many products out there to cover up our flaws.

But regardless of what we look like on the outside, deep down don’t you just want to run around naked? Naked in that you do not have to cover up who you really are?  Don’t you wish you could let your flaws….the mole, the freckles, your imperfect smile, just be out there for everyone to see?  Wouldn’t it be great to be able to show our open wounds, our vulnerabilities, the scars from the miles traveled?  Imagine the freedom to be trusting enough to allow others see the tears on our face, the awkward jig we do around the room when we are happy and to hear us sing out of tune when our hearts are full of joy.

We have become obsessed with covering up our bodies, our emotions and our thoughts.
I say quit your grinnin’ and drop your linen!

Expose your body, your feelings, your soul….if not to others, then to yourself.
You’ll be amazed.

All WE need is SELF LOVE….

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self love via thebalancedlifeonlineI will respect myself without your permission.

I will respect my work.

I will seek counsel from trusted advisors.

My work will be my life message.

My life will reflect my beliefs and values.

My values will be visible to ME at all times.

I will respect myself at equal or higher levels than I respect any others.

I expect equal levels of respect from all I meet.

I will not make excuses for my activism.

I will support myself with all of my resources.

I am whole and I am unique.

When faced with your doubt I will not accept it as my own.

When faced with my own doubt I will meet it with love, not fear.

My work is grounded in love.

My love fuels my drive.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Words matter…..

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Coming out of Zumba today, a woman my age looks at me and says, “One day I am going to be able to move like that 25 year old teacher.”

I say, “One day I will not be able to move as well as I do today.”

She looks at me and says, “Oh God, I need to appreciate what I can do today!”

Positive Psych in the house!

 

Please watch the video below. How would you describe yourself? Feel free to post your response in the comment section below.

Do you see yourself as other see you?

Are you your own worst critic?

Dove