Tag Archives: letting go of negative

Surrender

Surrendering does not usually have positive connotations. Recently I had been traveling a lot, meetings, obligations, running here, running there. Just simply overwhelmed. I would lay in bed exhausted not able to even sleep well.

I decided to start looking at my obligations, my schedule to see what I could eliminate. I started thinking what would happen if I surrendered. Not give up, but give in. Give in to the my mind, body and spirit which needed time to rest, recharge, and be still.

If I kept my hectic schedule and burden load I would only be running myself down more.

What would others think if I postponed my appointments with them? I worried that they would think less of me.

What would my loved ones think if I chose to take time by myself and not rush home to them? I felt guilty wanting to indulge myself in rest and rejuvenation.

I decided to surrender to my body, mind and spirit to get the rest and develop the clarity needed.

Once I made the decision to surrender, to give in, the healing actually began at once.

What can you surrender to, that would be for your well being?

These united states of CONFUSION

I find myself in one of the many STATES of CONFUSION.

In my piece of the world, these states can look like:

Lethargy

Over excitedness

Needing to shop

Wanting a drink… Real bad!

Needing to eat chocolate, or cake, or the whole loaf of bread

Deep sixing Self Care so that I become a wreck within a short while.

Well it’s been a few weeks and the Confusion persists. I have tried
many of the above coping mechanisms and must report that
THEY ARE NOT WORKING!

they are not working.

So what now?
Here is what I am not willing to do:

  • I will not become an alcoholic…that is just too big of a hole to crawl out of.
  • I will not eat myself out of house and home… Losing all that weight
  • I would gain would be an even deeper hole to crawl out of
  • I do not have the energy I used to have for over excitement… I get tired rather easily these days… Opps… there’s the lethargy!
  • BTW Lethargy is also out… I refuse to become the lazy slob I used to be before I found triathlons and marathons ( at 50 I transformed myself from a lazy slob and became a triathlete and marathoner).

So I will do what I know best… I will follow the simple steps I laid
out in my book, The Indrani Principle, Inhale Life Exhale Joy.

The system that I wrote about in my book, so many years ago, is one that I STUMBLED upon, while STUMBLING thru my life and challenges.

After morphing from couch potato extradordinaire to elite athlete and then to author, life coach, business owner yada yada yada, I find myself stumbling yet again. I seem to be tripping all over my decisions. I am accepting blame for all kinds of accusations. I am
even convincing myself that somehow I have not been ” good enough”.
AND THEN something glorious happened… I was yet again accused of something and I felt my eyes do some rapid fire blinking as if to say…

Wait!
What?

Then I woke up from the known trance of
“This TOO is your fault!”

Ummmm… nOOOOOOO…. I reject your hypothesis. I bear no fault here.

So let me quickly outline the formula that I stumbled upon, 8 simple principles… Simple does not mean easy.
U…Ultimate principle
I…Intuition principle
F…Focus principle
E… environment principle
I…Intention principle
C…Creation principle
P…Planning principle
Y…You principle.

Tune in next Saturday for a guided tour of how to use these simply powerful principles.

Until then… I will enjoy my current state of confusion, knowing well that there are some juicy lessons here for me. The bigger the
confusion the bigger the lesson.

 

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

(photo credit middleastpost.com)

LOST

I lost about 6 months’ worth of intellectual property. I had about 75 written blogs and classes and general musings in my notes on my iPad.

How did I lose it?

Here is the sad story:

I had a defunct email on my iPad and was deleting it to install my new email address (which BTW is: Indrani@indranislight.org) and when I hit delete, not only did the email go away but all my notes aligned with the email disappeared also.

I looked helplessly at the emptiness of my NOTES section. I could not even remember all the great stuff I had been writing over these 6 months. Even this blog is brand new but was supposed to be something else. I did not freak out, because it would have been no use. I did not yell or act ugly when the apple genius told me that there was nothing he could do. I recognized the truth when I heard it. It was just one of those things.

Is this the first time I have lost work? No. But it was the first time that I had lost this much work. I had to re-focus my energies and decide what to do next.

What was needed?

I needed a blog and soon.

What should I write?

There’s nothing as powerful as the present lessons to write about. In case you don’t think that this lesson can apply to you, let me give you some examples of stuff going up in smoke: You are counting on something happening in a certain order and out of the blue things change, like a vacation that gets cancelled, or you don’t get into the school of your choice, or your child decides that they are moving to another country and you don’t know how you’ll live without them… There are many ways to be lost.

You can bitch and moan or you can make a different plan. There are so many examples in life when stuff happens to good people, and I have no doubt that you are good people. I also have no doubt that you can use the brain in your head to come up with ways to cope.

The next best thing to do is to make a list of all that is still right with the world. This would look a lot like a gratitude list. Make the items as detailed as you can. It even helps to be grateful for that fact that you can remember that you are lost. What if you didn’t even know you were lost? That would look a little like dementia and that would be a little harder to fix.

So here are some of the items I AM grateful for:

I have use of my hands and can still type.

I still have a brain in my head that works pretty good and I can create new material.

I enjoy writing and have some readers who love to read what I have to say.

I did not lose my physical iPad.

I am sitting at the beginning of the last Harry Potter movie and writing this, while waiting for my baby girl with whom I have shared all the other HP movies. This just makes me all kinds of gratitude.

Do I still feel lost? Not so much anymore.

I have faith that I will create exactly what needs to be created at the right moment that it is necessary. In the meantime, I intend to just be grateful. Yep this is my plan.

Let me know what you can be grateful for.

Love and light from Indrani

Cloudy with a chance of ‘OH SHIT’!

This year in Houston, we have a very bad drought. I read that in East Texas, they have been in drought for 3 years. I am saddened for the animals and the trees. People can always seem to find water.
What would happen if it was just the opposite? What if it rained NON STOP for 3 years? What if it rained NON STOP for months on end? It would be called Monsoon. Many parts of the world manage to get through their yearly Monsoon, but not without loss and heart ache. Houses get swept away, human and animal lives are lost, and a host of other tragedies occur.
What happens when life sends you a FLOOD of a different kind? Emotional floods. Floods that sweep through your heart and up end all that you held sound and solid?
Maybe that looks like a loved one passing at the same time that you lose your job. Or maybe it looks like the youngest child leaving for college and your spouse declares that they want a divorce? Or maybe it looks like you are in the hospital awaiting surgery and then the spouse walks in asking for a divorce? It has happened!
When these waves of emotion begin to crash all around you, do not try to swim… just float. DO NOTHING! This too will pass. It always does, it really always does.
Ask instead these questions:
1. What do you know for sure?
2. What can you be grateful for in this moment?
3. Who can you call to share/weep/sigh/scream to?
4. How can you REST inside of the turmoil and wait for the lessons?
5. DO NOTHING.

If you still have some time to read a great poem about emotional flooding… search for THE GUEST HOUSE BY RUMI.

Love and Light and Resting
Indrani

Frustration

The most frustrating situations occur when hard decisions have to be made. The decision is obvious, yet it is of the anticipated reactions by others that causes the frustration and pain.

Perhaps if we did not pre-determine the reactions in our heads, we could make the right decision easily, and then have the clear mind and heart to deal with the repercussions, if they occur at all.

The definition of divorce is….

Emotional divorce as defined by me is:
Disengaging one’s energy from being entangled with the energy of another.
A shorter way to put this is:
Their business is none of yours!
Yes, I know it sounds crass and abrupt and even a little bitchy.

Bear with me a while and read the following story:
I just met a delightful woman walking her equally delightful dogs and we stopped to chat. I started to tell her about the joy event (if you missed it, send me an email and we will send you a taste of what you missed). Anyway, the conversation quickly turned to her feeling really taken advantage of by a very close family member. This person insists on smoking in her house, even though she has been repeatedly told not to. She engages in harmful drug behaviors and has people scrambling to always save her from herself. She even intentionally ruins the good fortunes of others with every trick at her disposal.
This person is an excellent teacher…. Do you have any such teachers in your life?

For example…
People who constantly borrow money?
People who continually dump their emotional bilge all over you?
People who are always complaining about their job but won’t make any changes?
People who must have all the attention on themselves because their life is the only thing worthwhile?

WHAT EXACTLY DO these people teach us? What could we possible learn from emotionally draining situations such as this?
Well the answer to this question is both simple and complicated.
The simple answer is this: They are here to teach us to mind our own business and live our own lives.
The complicated answer is this: What kind of life do you want and do you have the courage to step completely into it?

Let’s take the complicated answer first.

Take some time to answer these questions.

What would your LIFE look like if this person were NOT in your life?

How would you live differently?

What actions would you not have to take?
How would your emotional state of health look like?
Would you be happier if you did not have to constantly care take the emotional abuser?
Do you know what emotional abuse is?
Are there others in your life that you take emotional abuse from?
What wonderful projects would you invest the emotional energy that you are saving?

Now, the simple answer….
All the above answers are YOUR business.
All the above answers are the WAY YOU WANT to LIVE your own life.
NOW DO IT!
There is no time to waste.
Life is shorter than you think.
If not now, when?
If you won’t take responsibility for your happiness who will or more importantly who should?

Love and light, Indrani.

Belief BUSTERS

Ok so I really kinda want you to conjure up an image of Ghost Busters here and see them running around The New York Public Library chasing down old ghosts and sucking them into their canister.

Would it not be a hoot if we could find a way to suck out OLD burdensome beliefs that suck the life out of US and either replace it with a great new one or just leave space until we find one we like?

Here’s an example… This past weekend I had the great fortune to be the EMEE at Wealthy Thought Leader in Vancouver. Andrea Lee, took a heck of a chance on me. I was an unknown entity. This event was Andrea’s baby. She has nurtured it over the course of many months and she had a lot to lose if she choose the wrong woman for the job.

When she asked, I immediately said yes and then I allowed it to recede to the back of my mind until the week before. THEN I started to get worried.

All kind of “what ifs” entered my mind…
What if I don’t know what to say?
What if I look like a fool?
What if I look too fat? yep…even that!!!
What if the people don’t like the way I do it?
What if the simulcasters say I am doing a sucky job?
And the list went on and on… And on

On Thursday morning, I began and I KNEW I was holding back and Andrea felt it also. She asked if I was ok and I said yes but I was NOT!
She said that my energy was different and I admitted that I was AFRAID of coming off too bold or brazen and that I was worried that people would think I was trying to eclipse her. She laughed and said… eclipse Away!
So Thursday afternoon I showed up as ME and I never looked back… Except those nibbling “what ifs” were always lurking!
I am so grateful that everyone was supportive and that I did not have to fight negativity.

I was lucky…. What happens if YOU are following your passions… Like Lela Lee and have to fight your whole family system? That is HARD and energy sucking. It is easy to give up. It is easy to just do what you are being told to do. It is easy to turn down the dimmer switch.

Please don’t
Please allow yourself to feel discomfort and fear and insecurity.
Only by feeling all of these will you be able to find the courage to pursue and hone the skill set that will fuel your dreams.

Every hurtful comment you hear or mistake you make will strengthen your resolve to make your LIFE your OWN.

If not NOW… When?
Please give yourself a chance to shine. Only you can take that step and I GIVE YOU the PERMISSION.
Like Jesh De Rox says:
“Do not say something to yourself that you would not say to a new born!”

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

Are VICTIMS promotable?

Are VICTIMS promotable?

What is the definition of VICTIM?

What is YOUR definition of victim?

Victims feel that things are being done to them!

There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.

What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?

In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.

Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!

Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
1
2
3
4
5
And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.

Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.

Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?

During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.

What’s RAGE got to do with it?

You would have to be living under a very big rock if you did not know that Japan had a very big tsunami that destroyed at least 4 nuclear reactors and that the spent energy rods that are supposed to always be kept under water and cooled are exposed and heating up. While these rods are no longer useful in terms of creating energy, they are still very much alive and can wreck havoc on the atmosphere by giving up the radiation that they inherently contain.

A very simplistic explanation is this, if you burn coal and the embers are left burning, the embers can start a fire if it came into contact with something flammable. YES I know how simplistic this is, please bear with me.

The potential for damage by the exposed rods is HUGE. I do not think that we can even come close to wrapping our brain around how devastating this can be for all forms of life. Think 3 headed snakes and 2 headed cows if you must, but know that those examples are pale in comparison by what can truly happen. Genetic mutation of apocalyptical proportions.

What does this have to do with Life Coaching?

Glad you asked… Think RAGE!

RAGE is dangerous! RAGE creates havoc and RAGE changes families in ways that people cannot fathom. The effects of RAGE may not be at the genetic mutation level, but the toxicities of rage can get into our cells and change us for a very long time.

If you do not know why we act the way we act and do not see that Familial Rage may be the culprit, then we pass on these destructive behaviors to our children and every one says “Oh well, that’s just the way so and so behaves”.

I say… BS!

When you are in the path of RAGE it’s all you can do to keep your sanity. You have to strive to not get swept up and into the path of the destruction.

You have to find ways to COOL down the person who is raging. Family members begin to tip toe around the raging bull and everyone begins to change their actions so as not to set of so and so.

We feel a need to cool them down as surely as we know we need to keep those spent fuel rods cooled. We KNOW that something horrible will be unleashed into our atmosphere if the heat continues to rise.

I have a solution for RAGE.

It is not an easy solution.

When you are in the presence of RAGE… L E A V E… Get up and be very deliberate in your leaving.

Do not say a single word!

Allow your actions to speak for themselves.

If you can be consistent with this for a few times you might make the raging bull-headed person stop and think… And if their rage continues then you have to decide if it’s worth being around that person.

The rageful person leaks toxicity not only into their own system but also into the energy fields of those around them.

People who witness the raging events, shake their heads in disbelief as the family members shrink down (hang their heads) in shame and pretend that it’s the first time this has happened.

If the whole family would get up and leave the RAGER to rage at themselves then maybe something can change.

RAGE ONLY works if there is someone to rage at, so if people would get some guts and leave, then maybe a change can occur.

I tell you what, trying to keep the rager COOLED and unheated is an exhausting and thankless job and no one should have to do it.

Life is short, why must we waste another minute of it in the face of anyone’s rage and toxic anger?

What do you think?

The A B C’s of my Life… what’s yours?

Lets borrow a page from our days of NOT KNOWING MUCH, even the ABC’s and get out from the DAZE of THINKING WE KNOW SO MUCH

lets re- learn our ABC’s

A/ASSERTIVE

B/BRAVE

C/CURIOUS

D/DYNAMIC

E/EMPATHETIC

F/FORGIVING

G/GENEROUS

H/HUMOROUS

I/INSPIRATIONAL

J/JOYFUL

K/KIND

L/LOVING

M/MINDFUL

N/NOURISHING

O/OPTIMISTIC

P/PASSIONATE

Q/QUESTIONING

R/REFLECTIVE

S/STEADY

T/TENACIOUS

U/UPLIFTING

V/VIBRANT

W/WISE

X/eXCITED

Y/non YELLING

Z/ZESTFUL

I invite you to CREATE YOUR OWN ABC BRAG LIST.

What would life look like if you only lived those traits and let go of the negative.

love and light

Indrani