Tag Archives: Live a Brighter Life Podcast

LABL 014: Shame and Shame Resilience with Brene Brown

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #14 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Brené Brown discuss:

  • Shame and shame resilience
  • the difference between empathy and compassion
  • why relieving suffering can protect you
  • why it is important to model a healthy life to your children
  • why incongruent living is so exhausting
  • the link between expectations and shame
  • and so much more…

You can learn more about Brene Brown at www.brenebrown.com

Podcast Recording

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Brighter Life Bit #13: The importance of saying “Yes!” before you say NO

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 24 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Before reading further, think of a current experience you are having RIGHT NOW where you are struggling with saying NO to someone. Got something in mind? Great! Keep reading…

William Ury tells us that the key to saying NO is to first get clear on what your “Yes” is.

To discover your “Yes” you need to identify what important value you believe in, that is being threatened by not saying NO. Once you are clear on this value you need to say “Yes” to protecting this value.

By saying “Yes” to what is truly important to you, you are creating a supportive structure to build your NO on.

Think of something you are struggling to say NO to. Now, write down the important value(s) you can use as a “Yes” to help support the NO you need to say in this situation.

Brighter Life Bit #12: How are you using the three “A’s”?

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 14 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Examples make teachings concrete, so today, a quick (you are not being marked, so don’t panic):

Read the three scenarios below and identify whether it is an example of Accommodating, Attacking, or Avoiding.

  1. Alice’s son ignores her request to clean up his dishes for the third time while watching TV. Alice begins yelling at her son and a fight begins.
  2. Ann is afraid of her husband getting angry over the way she spends money on groceries, so Ann gives all of her money to her husband.
  3. Martha’s sees her coworker Jill in the hallway, Jill wants to borrow $200 to cover rent this month, so Martha quickly ducks into the ladies room.

In which of these three scenarios is power, relationship, or both lost?

Now, think of a situation you have recently experienced in your own life where, instead of saying “No” you accommodated, attacked, or avoided. How was your power in that situation lost? How was the relationship with that person affected?

Heat stability, the power to thrive under pressure.

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I love having conversations with professionals in different fields of study. One such exchange was with a few chemical engineers, who were explaining to me about chemicals that are heat sensitive or heat stable.

This definition of chemical stability comes from Wikipedia: Chemical stability when used in the technical sense in chemistry, means thermodynamic stability of a chemical system.[1]

Thermodynamic stability occurs when a system is in its lowest energy state, or chemical equilibrium with its environment. This may be a dynamic equilibrium, where individual atoms or molecules change form, but their overall number in a particular form is conserved. This type of chemical thermodynamic equilibrium will persist indefinitely unless the system is changed. Chemical systems might include changes in the phase of matter or a set of chemical reactions.

The instances of abusers going completely crazy  and killing the individuals that they are blaming for the fury makes me think of chemicals that are NOT stable.

Abusers are NOT stable people. We never know when they will fly off in a rage, and decide that they must take drastic action and kill and maim people.

I am not an expert on what happens inside the body when people are in rage.

I am willing to guess that they feel like they MUST react and must react fast. They may feel like the other people are “winning” but if asked they probably cannot even verbalize what the game is that the other is winning!

How can we encourage abusers to learn to be heat stable?

How can we teach them that THEY are the only ones in control of their own behaviors?

How can we empower abusers who have not had any training in self management to be able to manage themselves?

We must start with YOUNG people. We must start in schools. We MUST at least START.

Here at Indranis Light, we have started. We have FREE classes.

Here is the link: http://www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com/

Send the link to someone who is suffering from abuse.

Send the link to the young people in your life.

Send the link to women whom you suspect  are suffering and oppressed.

Do SOMETHING that will cost you nothing. Send the link.

If you are afraid that your friend may never again speak to you, take the chance anyway.

Take the chance. Do something. Send the link.

Here is the link again.

http://www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com/

We are on iTunes. We are FREE on iTunes.

Please do something.

 
Love and light,
Indrani

Brighter Life Bit #11: Accommodate, Attack, Avoid, OR just say NO…

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 14 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

According to William Ury in “The Power of a Positive No” instead of saying “No” you are most likely doing one of the following:

Accommodating: instead of saying no you accommodate the other person’s request, and in doing so lose your power.

Attacking: instead of saying no you get upset and attack the other person, and in doing so lose relationship.

Avoid: instead of saying no, you avoid the entire situation, resulting in a loss of power and relationship.

Which of the three “A’s” is your biggest substitute for saying “No”?

Once you clearly identify your accommodate, attack, avoid tendencies you are better prepared to start saying “No”

LABL 013: Losing and Finding Everything

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #13 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Janine Shepherd discuss:

  • what happens when you don’t heed your heart call
  • the importance of modeling
  • the difference between joy and happiness and why you want one more than the other
  • what are the things you can never lose and why they are so important
  • how you can lose everything and find everything at the same time
  • the way you live your life is your message

You can also watch Janine’s Ted Talk “A Broken Body Isn’t a Broken Person”

You can learn more about Janine and her message at her website www.janineshepherd.com

Podcast Recording

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Brighter Life Bit #10: A quick way to know if your “Yes” is going to cause trouble

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 5 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Here is one quick, and easy to use tool, that you can use to identify when your “Yes” is a mistake, and you should probably be saying “No”:

When you do something quickly to relieve emotional pressure it is usually not the right answer.

Think back to the most recent “no” you should have said:

What emotional pressures were you trying to avoid by saying “yes”? Do these same emotional pressures come up repeatedly when you think of all of the “no’s” you have recently turned into “yeses”?

Brighter Life Bit #9: Who are you saying “Yes” to, when you should be saying NO?

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 5 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Do you have trouble saying “No”?

It is easy to say “no” to the stuff you don’t want, those are not the “no’s” we are talking about. We are talking about the challenging “no’s”, the ones that come when you have to say “no” to something you DO want, or to someone you care about, or want to help. It is these difficult “no’s” that you don’t say when you should, that get you into way trouble.

You need to learn to say “No” right now!

But first, you need to explore the challenges you are facing when trying to deliver these difficult “no’s”, so for today’s Brighter Life Bit pick a person or situation where you experience difficulty in saying NO (when you KNOW you should say it) and answer this question:

Why do you have trouble saying no to this person or situation in your life?

LABL 012: No Matter What You Can Make It

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #12 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Paulette Norman discuss Paulette’s experience with tremendous loss and the lessons she has learned:

  • the challenges in your life mold you not break you
  • the importance of gumption and inner fortitude
  • when you need to surrender and when you need to stand up for yourself
  • how a moth made a huge impact on Paulette’s journey
  • how not to die as a crazy old lady

You can get more information about Paulette’s work at: www.protectingchildren.org

Podcast Recording

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Brighter Life Bit #8: Drawing your boundaries

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at 93 minutes and 00 seconds of the Class 1 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

A quick exercise and an “in the moment” tool for you today as we wrap up your work with the very first class in the Live a Brighter Life curriculum.

The Exercise

  1. Find a piece of paper and drawing tools.
  2. Draw yourself (stick figures allowed)
  3. Draw a box around yourself.
  4. Write your boundaries around the outside of the square. These are the boundaries people cannot cross with you.
  5. Post this picture somewhere you can see it, or put it in your wallet, purse, or pocket.
  6. When you find a boundary is being crossed remember to look at your picture as a reminder of your important personal boundaries, and that you will not let people cross them.

The Tool

Next time you experience someone breaking a boundary try this:

  1. Press down on the ground with your feet and push yourself a bit taller.
  2. Breathe into your feet.
  3. Take three breaths before you respond and enforce your boundary

And, that wraps up Class One! See you soon for LABL Class #2: Saying “No” – Say “Yes” to a New Way