Tag Archives: love yourself

Feeling like a puppet? CUT the strings, one at a time…

November 16, 2013featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, choices, counseling, courage, create a new life, domestic violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, Houston Galveston Institute, how to say no, inner strength, letting go of negative, love yourself, make the change, respect yourself, right action, right you, self love, self respect, shine brightly, standing your ground, start new, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, vulnerability, women's shelters, you, you are worthyIndrani Goradia

When I was in Russia a few years ago on a clown trip, I went to an hour long puppet show.
I really enjoyed that show. The puppets were exquisitely made and the puppeteer had finely honed his craft over 20 years.
This week, as I listen to some of my clients tell me about things they MUST do to make their husbands happy, I felt that I was right back at the puppet show. I could see their husbands pull the strings making them do a dance that made them feel ill, uncomfortable and compromised.

One particular story stands out:
A wife is “made” to be a voyeur while her husband engages in various sexual behaviors with other women.
She is told that at least he is respecting her by not asking her to “do it” with other men.
She feels relieved that she does not have to take other lovers, and she feels violently ill when she has to be the observer. She also feels love for her husband.

This is NOT an easy situation. She is in a sad and painful place.
It seems to me that she is the chief and most important puppet in his puppet show.
If the wife really wants to change the extra circular activities that happen in her life, she can ONLY change her OWN behaviors.
But she loves him.

I can hear you say, “What will he do?”

The short answer is he will do whatever he wants to do.
He has life exactly as he wants it.
She, on the other hand, has a life that has become disgusting to her.
She can only change her actions.
One of the first things she can do is decide which parts of her married life she can still stomach.
She then HAS to get some professional counseling for breaking the news to her husband.
She can find FREE help at various women’s shelters in her local area. In the Houston area, there is an organization called Houston Galveston Institute and they even offer FREE counseling help on Saturdays. No appointment necessary.

She can create a new life. She can even create a new marriage. But it must begin with creating a new sense of self respect.
She can kick start the whole process by making a short list of all the good things she sees in herself.
She can keep adding some positives to her list every day.
She is going to have to remind herself on a daily basis that she is worthy of respect from others and respect from herself.

If you know someone who can use some of the small steps in this blog, please pass it on to her.
You can also tell her to sign up for 5 minutes to happiness, and she will get an e-course that will help her to discover the inner strengths that she has.
Love and light,
Indrani

P.S. As she gets stronger, she will be able to CUT the strings in her mind and she will find freedom.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

November 9, 2013featured, homepageapologize, do your best, forgive, forgive myself, forgive others, forgive yourself, forgiveness, forgiveness of self, give love, give of yourself, love other, love will find a way, love yourselfIndrani Goradia

When my kids were quite small, I was a stay home mother and I was consumed with the everyday things that stay home mothers are consumed with.
Some of them were important, like food in the pantry and on the table having clean clothing for school. Other things were NOT at all important, like whether or not a child was smiling in a family photo.
I have an awful memory of myself making one of my children feel really bad for not smiling in the family photo.
I was so HELL bent of having this “perfect” moment, that I could not find the maturity to ask a simple question like, “Honey, what’s the matter? Are you feeling ok?” or to just let the photographer do their thing and realize that the photo was just a moment in a long string of moments.

As I remember this, I feel so sick about my own actions that I can barely forgive myself.
But forgiveness of self is exactly what I need to do here.
I did the best I could. I really did. We all do the best we can.
As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.”
I know better and I do better these days.

If you can think of something you could have done better and you have a chance to apologize, do it.
Apologize.
Do better next time.
Begin a conversation with someone who you have inadvertently hurt and ask for forgiveness.
Forgive yourself.
Tell them how much you care.
It is very cliché, but authentic remorse really does clear up a lot of fog.
Love really does find a way.

Love and light,
Indrani

IT’S YOUR CALL…

November 2, 2013featured, homepagebe present, best, choices, gender based violence, gender violence, listen, listen to your heart, listening, love yourself, meditate, meditation, right action, right you, self love, self respect, truth, wisdomIndrani Goradia

One Sunday night, I was watching the Mentalist on TV (LOVE that show) and one of the male detectives asked his male partner if he should get married.

The partner simple said, “You want it to be my call?”

Simply Brilliant Writing!

How often though do we ask others about some of the MOST important decisions in our lives?

We PRETEND that others have more wisdom about our own selves than we do.

YES… PRETEND.

It has to be a pretense because YOU are your own expert.

The trick to accessing your wisdom is to be silent and to ask yourself a simple question about the “thing” you are trying to evaluate.

Let’s do an example:

Let’s say you have met someone and want to know if you should go on a date. Instead of calling up all your friends who HAVE NOT MET this person, sit in silence and look for signs in your body of serenity and peacefulness and YES, excitement.

Not an anxious excitement, but a buzzing and soft excitement that alerts you to something sweet about to happen.

In order to access these messages you will have to practice with everyday decisions and get fluent in understanding your own body and the way it talks to you.

It will help to do meditation on a fairly regular basis and you will learn how to “read” your body.

Here is a short meditation to help get you started.

Love and light,

Indrani