Who’s eyes will you bless?
Tag Archives: love
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 20
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 15
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 12
Limitations, oh limitations where art thou?
Just the other day on a flight home from Trinidad I watched a movie with Vince Vaughn. It was the movie about Google and his character said, “If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.”
I immediately began to birth this blog. I have been struggling with some of the language around Gender Violence and I have been struggling with the impatience I feel when people say things like:
It will always be like this.
That’s just the way it is.
How are we going to fix what has always been broken?
In the vernacular of Trinidad, it’s “Whah yuh go do?”
It’s pronounced as one word, “Whahyuhgodo?”
It is usually followed by a shrug and a laugh that means it’s too hard to tackle or a sucking of the teeth. (Which means the speaker is quite done with the conversation.)
I have a HUGE problem with the “whahyuhgodo” attitude!
The line in the movie, “If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them” made me realize why.
When we give up the fight to make things better, we fight for the limits and we put limits on our dreams for humanity.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we can fix all the ills of humanity but when is it a good time to give up?
Should we give up when we are…
Rich enough?
Old enough?
Young enough?
Poor enough?
What’s the best time to give up the fight for a better way to treat our fellow humans?
Gender violence does not just hurt the women and girls.
Sons see their mothers being pummeled and broken.
Sons hear their sisters and mothers cowering and crying and feel helpless.
Sons are also attacked and made to feel broken.
Often children who are witnessing the violence are told NOT to help or the mother will be worse off.
Often the mother implores the children to “go back to sleep” even as she is fighting for her life.
Children are not stupid.
They know that their house is a war zone.
They know that neighbors know their house is a war zone and they see NO one trying to help them.
Can we STOP fighting for our limitations?
Can we begin to live each day a little brighter than the last?
Can we begin to HOLD dear the possibility that limitations are a coward’s way through tough times?
I do not want to live the life of a coward.
I want to live brave and strong and hopeful and for that I need to identify my limitations. I need to keep trying to find a better way into a world that is free from Gender Violence.
We owe it to every single child, boys as well as girls.
Let them grow up in houses full of love and hope.
Let them have limitations like which new planet to inhabit, not the limitation of wondering if Mom will be “sick” today and who will help with dinner and homework.
Love and light,
Indrani
Cultivate LOVE…..
What is the meaning of Cultivation?
The dictionary says it is the process of trying to acquire or develop a quality or skill.
When you read the title “Cultivate Love”, what did you think?
Take just a few moments now to meditate on the words, CULTIVATE LOVE.
This is very much an action phrase, it implies activity and intention.
How can you cultivate SELF love?
Here are a few ways to increase the bounty of your SELF love:
1. Reduce self-judgment. Tell yourself you REALLY are doing the best you can.
2. Have a designated STOPPER…someone who will say “Hey, STOP that negative self-talk.” This means you have to have a conversation with a trusted person and tell them your game plan. In my own life, I am a STOPPER for many even though they don’t know it. I hear their negative self talk and I remind them of something that is great about them.
3. Plant a small, living plant and take excellent care of it. Research the right amount of sun and water it needs and devote yourself to its care. Be a good steward of a living thing.
4. Stand for a few breaths in the mirror every morning and tell yourself a few good things about you.
5. Look at my video called “What’s right with you?”.
Try these easy steps for a few days, then for a few more. Keep a journal of your thoughts around Cultivating Self Love and if you feel inclined, we would love for you to share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Love and light,
Indrani
The FULL COURT PRESS… You CAN stand up to them!
Do you know what the phrase “full court press” means?
My novice understanding of basketball tells me it’s when the opposing team exports most of its players to guard your players the whole length of the court. Especially the greatest players on your team like the one who scores a lot or the one who is the 3 point expert…the player most like a young Michael Jordan. I think that Michael Jordan was the recipient of many a “full court press”.
When faced with the wrath of the opposing team, one must use all of one’s wiles and wits. One must pull every trick out of the hat…make any move, even if it seems counter intuitive. It’s either make a move (a swift move), find someone to pass the ball to or just go for the shot anyway, before the ref blows the whistle that you’ve held the ball too long.
Ok, big deal, why should you care about the theory of the full court press?
So glad you asked!
Let’s use our eagle eyes to zoom out from the basketball court and soar way above our lives and take some close looks at the predicaments that we have gotten ourselves into.
When you were a kid and another kid hurt you, did you want, even long for, your parents to come to your rescue? If the answer is yes, then you longed for the full court family press to save you because you could not save yourself. You wanted your team to surround you and help you to navigate the challenge at hand.
Did your parents ever go to your school to stand with you against an unfair accusation by a teacher? If so, you were the recipient of the Full Court Press. You see the full court press does not always work the way you want it to. You may not get the teacher to admit that they were wrong BUT you will have seen that your family came to your aid and that may be all that you needed. You were NOT being blamed by your people, only by the opposing team. Your people had your back!
The full court press can work in the exact opposite way.
Take for example, your spouse hits you, so bad that you had to go to the hospital. The doctor BY LAW must report alleged domestic violence. The police begin to question you and you finally break down and all the secrets come tumbling out. The secrets of many years can no longer be held in.
Be aware that the Full Court Family Press is about to be UNLEASHED on you. The press will probably be from the side of the battering spouse, maybe even the battered spouse side may jump in.
You may be pressed and pressured with words like;
He didn’t mean it.
What did you do to upset him?
What kind of mother are you to put your children’s father in jail?
What kind of wife are you to not know how to make your family happy?
What will the rest of the family say?
What will the priest/imam/rabbi/guru/scientologist say?
When you start being barraged by the Full court press, whose only goal is to get you to go back to being abused in silence, you MUST find someone on the outside that you can “send the ball” to.
This will be someone who wants to help you live a life of JOY.
This will be someone who understands your pain.
This will be someone who has your back.
The Full Court Press to repress your rights to a peaceful life may NEVER go away.
They may vow to make your life miserable and spread rumors about you throughout the town/village/Internet.
You cannot control their actions. You can only control your own actions.
So suit up and look around. Identify those on YOUR team and give them a heads up that you may be calling on them.
Gather your team slowly and purposefully. Don’t accept people who make you feel bad even when things are good. These people may not be able to hold your pain and be a part of your full court.
I hope this got you thinking about who is REALLY on your team.
You deserve a wonderful team.
Love and light,
Indrani
Life Imitating Cinema…..
I recently had a long flight and got a chance to watch some movies. The one that intrigued me most was Happiness Therapy.
Short version:
Guy seems to be bipolar, freaks out when he catches his wife having shower sex and has a big fight with the shower sex guy. Wife leaves him. He is released from a Psych hospital to live with his parents and he is hyper-focused on getting his wife back. His father is a bookie and has major OCD issues, expects the son to just sit and hold two remotes while the Eagles play whoever they are playing. Guy meets a girl who is also struggling with her issues and invites him to be her dance partner in a competition, in exchange for giving the ex wife a letter.
As I watched it, I was mesmerized by how simple the lesson was for the world.
Here is my take….
This guy is struggling to deal with his mental stuff and trying to think of ways to get back his wife. The girl gives him a chance to help her fulfill one of her dreams and with that promise, he begins to think of someone other than himself and to think of something other than the ex wife.
He practices the dance moves constantly and he is physically exhausted and seems to be getting more mental clarity.
The girl shows him how to tap into real emotion and how to sit with the feelings, also how to bring the emotions to the dance floor.
Meanwhile his father talks him into going to the stadium, where he gets into another fight and he gets arrested.
His father makes a bookie bet on what score he will get in the dance competition and puts additional pressure on his son.
Lessons for all of us
- Do something significant for someone else.
- The something must be out of our comfort zone, so we can rewire our brains.
- Stay away from people who try to put us back into their dramas, even if those people are family.
- Do our best in the new commitment and with feeling and purpose.
- When people make bets on whether we do well or not, ignore them, they are toxic.
- Give wholeheartedly to the people we are helping.
I know that this blog may seem a little “pie in the sky” but it is really a good formula for permanent change.
Watch this movie, Happiness Therapy…it may help to cement these lessons.
Love and light,
Indrani
Call me CRAZY!
You know the song “Call Me Maybe”? If not, Google it now and have a listen. It is really sweet and fun to dance to!
I have some lyric changes for those of us who meet someone and BAM, we are in love!
Then when it does not turn out to be a fairy tale, we blame everyone else and we swear the next “stranger in the night” will be perfect.
By the way, Stranger in The Night is another song from long ago…it too deserves a listen.
Here goes…
Hey, I just met you
You say you love me
And here’s my money
Just call me crazy
Hey, I don’t know you
But you swear you love me
And I’m so desperate
So call me crazy
Hey, where you going?
We just had sex
You said you loved me
Now you say I’m crazy?
Hey, I really love you
I really hate me
And now you’re scared of me
Am I crazy?
I don’t claim to be a song writer but you get the point, right?
Some of us do crazy things and expect romantic outcomes.
Let’s respect ourselves, have our own life plan and use our thinking brains.
And NO, THAT’S NOT CRAZY!
Love and light,
Indrani
Make my day….compliment me!
Do you remember the movie with the bad guy saying “make my day”?
I think it may have been Clint Eastwood.
It just occurred to me the other day that a simple compliment or soft and genuine smile can make everyone’s day.
I saw a little boy today sitting with his Dad and next to him was a hat he had made. The hat was covered with glitter, stickers and red, white and blue pom-poms. I complimented him and he beamed up at me and let me try it on!
He made my day!
How can you make someone else’s day today?
Love and light,
Indrani