Tag Archives: love

Is your mobile phone more important that your child?

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I was in a store the other day and overheard this: “Sit down and be quiet, you cannot disturb your mother while she shops” said a male voice. Then I saw that mom was about 8 months pregnant and sent her some silent blessings and good energy. It was hot, her belly was heavy and she needed nursing bras. Been there…it’s not so much fun!

As I was leaving the store, I saw the father happily playing on the telephone as the 2-1/2 or 3 year old just SAT alone, STARING into space. I opened the door…and then changed my mind. I went over to the sweet little boy and gave him a magazine from the shelf with these LOUD words, “Here honey, it’s not a KIDS magazine but there are some pretty pictures”. Dad smiled at me and then I said, still looking and smiling at the little one “Dad, give your son the telephone so he can play games and you sit and stare into space” and I left.

PEOPLE what are we doing? I see moms pushing babies in strollers and talking on cell phones. What is so damned important? Is EVERYONE a brain surgeon?

I hear parents complaining that their teenagers sit at the dinner table texting and ignore the family. Where are they learning it? What are we modeling for this generation?

It is the ADULTS who are modeling how, when, and where to use cell phones. The kids are SIMPLY following our leads.

I have a challenge for my readers:

  •  If you have young kids, do not talk on the cell phone when you are supposed to be actively parenting.
  • If your kids are grown and you see a young mom ignoring their young kids to chat on the phone, go up and engage the child and ask mom if she’s having an emergency and needs help.
  • If you see a father ignoring his children to be on the phone, find a way to say something.

If we all just shake our heads and say “who’s minding the kids while we chat away?” then NOTHING will change.

 Maybe these parents were themselves ignored. So let’s save a generation. Let’s speak up for the little ones so that they get as much parent time as they get free minutes.

Here’s a great guide to the time you spend with your kids:

  • Take a stab at the NUMBER of QUALITY hours you have given your kids over the past few months. Write it down. Look at the last 6 months of cell phone usage and take the average and compare the two numbers.

Guess what? If you are on the phone, you are not engaged with your kids.

I hope that is a wake-up call for this generation of parents. If you do not change, please do not complain that your kids are ignoring you when they are all grown up. After all, you must ask yourself “where did they learn to ignore their families so brilliantly?”

Maybe we should all just be looking in the mirrors.

 

Love and light from Indrani

Joy goes on even if a loved one does not.

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A friend of mine recently lost his wife to a 14 year battle with cancer. Through those years he demonstrated joy, love, caring, passion, devotion, dedication…. the list goes on. He seemed to be super human in his caring and compassion for his wife. He made her every day a celebration.

Since her passing he has been working on getting life back together. A life without doctors, chemotherapy and the stress of the impending end. The furniture of their house and his life has now been moved around for the next chapter, for the future.

Some people say he is not grieving enough.

Are there time limits? Grieving rules written somewhere? Whose to say how long anyone should grieve?

His wife would want him to live life without her with as much joy as he did with her by his side.

I walk along the city streets…

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I walk along the city streets…

And my memories escape from the corners of my mind…

Have you ever had the chance to retrace steps from your past without people from your present?
By this I mean, without your spouse or children or dog or siblings?
Perhaps to walk your alma mater?
To visit the place where you had your first job?
Visit the place where you had your first meltdown as a younger version of yourself?

I highly recommend it.
Recently I had the great fortune to spend some extended time in NYC.
After getting all my work done that was on my schedule, I found myself with ONE free afternoon and night.
No one to meet, no work to do and no schedule to keep.

So I took the subway to the station where I used to catch my train to go home to queens. The station looked worn and old and familiar.
I exited and found myself staring at the doors of Bloomingdales.
In my distant past, I felt like I did NOT belong in that store.
Only rich, well heeled people should go in there was my thinking.
Now mind you, I have been back to shop many times, but THIS time I was walking in the shadow of my 21 year old self who was so very scared and believed in scarcity of everything. Scarcity of LOVE, scarcity of MONEY, scarcity of a decent JOB that would afford her a place of her own.
Nothing came easy to my 21 year old self, except studies. I could study with the best of them.
I held on to that belief and I knew that if I just kept working my minimum wage job and taking 18 to 20 credits per semester that ONE day, I would land on my feet.

I had to hold that belief for dear life because it would have been so very easy to give up and just settle for an ordinary life. I so desperately did not want an ordinary life.
I felt that I wanted my life to mean something more than all the models that I had seen.
I would see co workers who made as little money as I did and they could live in NYC because they had parents who paid their rent.
I was so very jealous.
Why was life so hard for me?

So last week, as I walked in the shadow of that 21 year old, I reached back to almost 35 years ago and told my younger self  Thankyou!
Thank you for never giving up.
Thank you for not succumbing to the fake promises of bright lights and fleeting loves.

I visited the place where I saw my first French movie and where I had felt so sophisticated because I had never seen a movie in a different language. This time I purchased a ticket as a well seasoned global citizen and settled into the familiar padded seats and I saw another French movie and smiled to myself. Catherine Deneuve is still so very beautiful, and I could tell from her face that lots of time has passed. She has aged well and so have I.
I accept my aged face so much more easily than I ever could accept my young face.
I no longer look for flaws, now I am so grateful for what looks back at me.

I hear tell of people who go to high school ten unions and they see their old flames and break up their families chasing the past. This is NOT what I am saying to do.
I am saying to go back to the school without any body. Just you and your younger shadow and tell that young teenager that he or she did a great job of getting you into adulthood.
I firmly believe that our present will be solidly grounded if we can make peace with our past and shed the shame that comes with painful memories.
Let us be proud of who we are a d prouder still that we have come a long way baby!