Tag Archives: parental guidance

Then there were two….

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I was speaking to a very dear friend the other day.

She said that she had 6 beautiful bowls that someone had given to her a long time ago.

The other day she noticed that there were only 3 and she realized that some of them were broken.

She felt happy that she had 3 left.

She began to tell her young daughter who had been helping with her dishes.

She turned away to do something and heard the awful sound…

CRASH!

She froze and realized that something had broken.

She did not know what it was. She turned to the sink full of dishes and saw her sweet daughter, shaking and fearful and she heard these words, “Sorry mom it was an accident, I did not mean it. Sorry mom.”

My dear friend said, “Now there are two.”

And then she smiled.

The worry on the daughter melted away and the mom showed her child how easy it was to show compassion and to to teach her child that mistakes can and will happen.

As my friend was telling me this story I saw the realization on her face that her child had been shaking because she fully expected to be yelled and screamed at.

My friend knew that she had been a teller and she had parented with anger in the past.

She also knew that she had been intentional in the way she had been parenting the past few years and that she had significantly changed the energy in the family.

She had been able to forge a deeper connection with her son and she had been showing her daughter what unconditional love really is.

Here, at this moment, it meant that she loved her daughter MORE than she ever could love those dishes.

She chose to NOT break her child.

She chose to parent with understanding and respect.

I have known this woman for a long time. I know how hard this woman has worked to get to a place of peace and tranquility.

I applaud her willingness to change the way she used to parent and to seek new ways and to know that she was doing the best for her kids.

Most people say, “My parents did it this way and I turned out ok.”

My view is why just settle for OK when we can be wiser and better than OK?

Let us thrive as parents and constantly better ourselves so we can raise a brighter generation. One that will know more than we will ever know and will be in charge of the welfare of our grandchildren.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Two WRONGS don’t make a RIGHT….

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Parents-Yelling-At-Teen via mothernews.comThis was a saying that I used to hear while growing up in Trinidad, in The West Indies.

It was usually lobbed at me from a very angry parent, (read rageful) and it was usually because someone hit me and I hit them back.

I never understood why I should not defend myself.

Recently I visited my childhood home and as someone was telling a story about a child making a mistake, the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right” popped into my head.

The storyteller was relaying that a teenager had taken a dish into their kitchen and showed that the dish was still dirty.

A family member of the teenager then said, “Get the HELL out of the kitchen and put the damn cup down!”

The teller of the story was chuckling, gleefully, because the teenager had been “put in their place.”

In a flash, I was filled with anger and disgust and said, “Was it really necessary to curse and embarrass the teenager?”

The story teller was not at all pleased with the way their story landed on my psyche.

The storyteller did not see that yelling at children and publicly embarrassing them was not the way to teach.

It constantly amazes me that “mature” people still think screaming at children is the way to their hearts and minds.

Children need love, care, feeding and watering.

Parents, if you are still screaming, embarrassing and denigrating your children, please take as long as you need to look at your destructive behaviors.

You are destroying the next generation.

Please sign up for some parenting classes and I do not mean any of the “spare the rod, spoil the child” kind of classes.

I mean the class that shows you, the parent, that children are gifts from a divine source and that they are given to us to cherish and protect.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

 

Betwixt and between…child and adult

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Betwixt and between…child and adult.

Different cultures have many different rites of passage. These rites indicate to the youth that a threshold has been crossed.
One of the biggest moments in American culture is turning 21 years of age. You can legally consume alcohol, gain entry into bars and clubs and generally speaking, you think of yourself as an adult.

What’s really happening here is that you are learning to be an adult.
It means that you will make decisions, take actions and make comments as you think an adult would. Sometimes you will be spot on and other times you will fall on your face, but you will learn from the experience.

Unless…. you are shamed by the decision and the consequences. A glaring example is when a young woman gets pregnant before marriage and she is either enveloped by the family and helped or shamed as a nasty person, even a whore!
The people around you will, in large part, determine your experience and your memory of the event. What happens when an adult child says something to a parent that ticks the parent off? The parent can choose many ways to respond and all of them will be teaching moments for both the parent and the adult child.

The parent can choose to view the comment with humor and reply appropriately.
The parent can choose to ask the adult child what they mean and listen to the explanation.
The parent can choose to believe that they know exactly what the adult child means and take actions that makes them feel in control.

The parent is the teacher here and has an incredible opportunity to help the adult child with future interactions. They have a chance to have open dialogue with each other, but ONLY if they both think it is worth their while, and they have to put their HURT aside.

If the parent does not take the lead, the adult child will not have an opportunity to gain from the experience.

The parent must choose unconditional love and take conscious action with the underlying thought of making the relationship stronger…because a weakened relationship is good for no one.

Thoughts?

Love & light,

Indrani