Tag Archives: right action

Are VICTIMS promotable?

Are VICTIMS promotable?

What is the definition of VICTIM?

What is YOUR definition of victim?

Victims feel that things are being done to them!

There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.

What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?

In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.

Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!

Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
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And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.

Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.

Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?

During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.

What’s RAGE got to do with it?

You would have to be living under a very big rock if you did not know that Japan had a very big tsunami that destroyed at least 4 nuclear reactors and that the spent energy rods that are supposed to always be kept under water and cooled are exposed and heating up. While these rods are no longer useful in terms of creating energy, they are still very much alive and can wreck havoc on the atmosphere by giving up the radiation that they inherently contain.

A very simplistic explanation is this, if you burn coal and the embers are left burning, the embers can start a fire if it came into contact with something flammable. YES I know how simplistic this is, please bear with me.

The potential for damage by the exposed rods is HUGE. I do not think that we can even come close to wrapping our brain around how devastating this can be for all forms of life. Think 3 headed snakes and 2 headed cows if you must, but know that those examples are pale in comparison by what can truly happen. Genetic mutation of apocalyptical proportions.

What does this have to do with Life Coaching?

Glad you asked… Think RAGE!

RAGE is dangerous! RAGE creates havoc and RAGE changes families in ways that people cannot fathom. The effects of RAGE may not be at the genetic mutation level, but the toxicities of rage can get into our cells and change us for a very long time.

If you do not know why we act the way we act and do not see that Familial Rage may be the culprit, then we pass on these destructive behaviors to our children and every one says “Oh well, that’s just the way so and so behaves”.

I say… BS!

When you are in the path of RAGE it’s all you can do to keep your sanity. You have to strive to not get swept up and into the path of the destruction.

You have to find ways to COOL down the person who is raging. Family members begin to tip toe around the raging bull and everyone begins to change their actions so as not to set of so and so.

We feel a need to cool them down as surely as we know we need to keep those spent fuel rods cooled. We KNOW that something horrible will be unleashed into our atmosphere if the heat continues to rise.

I have a solution for RAGE.

It is not an easy solution.

When you are in the presence of RAGE… L E A V E… Get up and be very deliberate in your leaving.

Do not say a single word!

Allow your actions to speak for themselves.

If you can be consistent with this for a few times you might make the raging bull-headed person stop and think… And if their rage continues then you have to decide if it’s worth being around that person.

The rageful person leaks toxicity not only into their own system but also into the energy fields of those around them.

People who witness the raging events, shake their heads in disbelief as the family members shrink down (hang their heads) in shame and pretend that it’s the first time this has happened.

If the whole family would get up and leave the RAGER to rage at themselves then maybe something can change.

RAGE ONLY works if there is someone to rage at, so if people would get some guts and leave, then maybe a change can occur.

I tell you what, trying to keep the rager COOLED and unheated is an exhausting and thankless job and no one should have to do it.

Life is short, why must we waste another minute of it in the face of anyone’s rage and toxic anger?

What do you think?

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers…

are starving to death… Mame from Auntie Mame

Here is my take on this famous quote~

Life is full of JOYFUL moments and most people are too worried about what people will say or think to take the risk to grab the JOY.

View the video below…

[youtube width=”280″ height=”178″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJjZMIMJLA[/youtube]

This shows a flash mob that I was brave enough to organize. My dear friends Patty and Bindya jumped on the band wagon and we were all willing to look foolish while creating JOY for our community.

Who will you depend on to take a risk with you so that you can grab some joy?

Who can you depend on to NOT dismiss your dream for JOY?

These are worthwhile questions to think about…

Take a moment to think about your JOY TEAM.  Check out our next iamjoy event

Love and Light.

You can’t handle the truth…

Spoken by Colonel Jessop in A Few Good Men

Can YOU handle the TRUTH?

Want to know the truth about your very special gifts?
Head on over to www.indranislight.org and sign up for Chat n Chai and you will get a great coaching tool called 5 minutes to happiness and you will uncover all those character traits you have been hiding under a rock.

This rock is called You Are Not Good Enough!

Can you handle the truth of how very special and wonderful you are?

I believe you can

So click

www.indranislight.org and go chat and chai to get your special coaching tool.

Love & Light

OLD WORLD vs YOUR WORLD… how to straddle both and not break!

Your world is a fine balance in the space between old cultural norms and new cultural norms. Not old cultural as in useless, but old as in ” the old country” and new as in “your adopted country”.

I have seen so many people who have moved here from someplace else and still try to live as though they were in their little village. They reject EVERYTHING American. They are afraid that their kids “FORGET’ where they came from so they make it almost impossible for their children to have normal friendships. They make it impossible for their children to find their own fine balance.

In the best of times, we all do a dance between what we want and what is expected of us by various people in our lives.

Recently I have met some women who have been brought to this country after marriage. All of these woman had arranged marriages. Their husbands went to the “old country” and married the best of the best. These women are highly educated, ambitious, courageous ( came to a new country away from their families) and eager to learn how to thrive in America.

What they did not know was that their husbands wanted to recreate an imagined old world village. In these villages, the daughters-in-law, never left the house. They prayed in the morning, then cooked ( new food every day) and then sat with folded hands and waited for the King to come home. Some of them even tried, they actually thought that they could “trick” themselves into becoming ancient and useless. They could not. As their powerful selves emerged, their husbands and in-laws absolutely lost their minds. They screamed, threatened, blamed, abused and even took their children and squirreled them away to a different country.

These women have had to dig deep and find strength and courage they did not know they possessed. Some of these men did not even renew their wives papers to be legal in this country and have left the women scrambling to find ways to stay here so they can be near their kids.

At this writing I know of 2 women who have had to leave their children behind because they could not a legal way to stay in their adopted country. Their hearts are broken!

These women are recreating themselves in their new country and doing it all alone. Is there a way to marry old and new? I think so, Yes, very definitely.

One of the first things that have to be addressed is “why did you leave your village and what did you hope to find in your new country?”

If you cannot answer these simple questions, then you will never know if and when you have found what you are looking for.

How can you tell what to keep and what to leave? Try a different combination from the old and the new. How about western clothes in a traditional ceremony?

Why do you do what you do? Does it bring JOY? Does it cement the pain?

Only YOU have the answers. Take some time to reflect on what  life you want to create. Find an ally and get some strength. If you do not then nothing will change.

Take a risk, your happiness is worth it!

A BILL OF RIGHTS FOR DREAMS…

Dear (insert your name)

I am every one of your Dreams. I want to tell you about my Bill of Rights, you see, you may have forgotten that I have a Bill of Rights!

I do not mean to offend you BUT I want you to know that

  1. I deserve to be let out of the darkness of non-fulfillment
  2. I have something wonderful to teach the world
  3. YOUR Joy is my ONLY concern
  4. I Know that you are doing your best, allow me to be my best
  5. My work is VERY important

I know that there are more years than you care to remember when you were too tired to invest thought and energy into making me real. I want to tell you that 2011 is the year of my coming OUT.

I have tried to get your attention by displaying odd behaviors such as

over eating,

chronic fatigue

depression

anxiety

you get the idea.

I really thought that if you felt uncomfortable you would figure it out and take some real action. BUT you think that another diet,more material stuff,affairs, and a better body can fix the sadness. You have learned that this only makes it worse.

PLEASE, please take some time to sit in meditation and listen to me! Please, if you listen to what I have to say I can really help you out of the pickle you are in.

If you choose to NOT listen, I will take more drastic action until I get your attention.

Sincerely

Your Dreams!

Gifts to myself…

I have to tell you, I do not need another SINGLE material possession!

I have enough STUFF for 10 lifetimes!

This year here is what I intend to wrap up and place under the tree… a deep remembering to

  • Use all the colors in my paint box called life.
  • Do my work without regret
  • Work with abandon
  • Take some risks with my business/life… like crossing the Capilano Suspension Bridge! and creating a non profit foundation.
  • Seek to see something else…
  • Allow my process to unfold
  • Go Big, whatever that means to ME!
  • Live with passion and purpose
  • Be a contributor when I can and a receiver when I need
  • Be unforgettable
  • Be Myself
  • Allow my mistakes to be my teacher
  • See the invisible, the what is not yet here but wants/needs to be created
  • Think out loud
  • Live out loud
  • Laugh out loud!!!!
  • Say NO as often as I need to so I can be HEARD!
  • Say Yes as often as I want to
  • Say THANKS often

Let me then say THANKS to you are for reading this and other musings. I am so very grateful that you share a little of your time with me.

If these gifts work for you… print this and keep it out in the open.

Love and light

Indrani

The A B C’s of my Life… what’s yours?

Lets borrow a page from our days of NOT KNOWING MUCH, even the ABC’s and get out from the DAZE of THINKING WE KNOW SO MUCH

lets re- learn our ABC’s

A/ASSERTIVE

B/BRAVE

C/CURIOUS

D/DYNAMIC

E/EMPATHETIC

F/FORGIVING

G/GENEROUS

H/HUMOROUS

I/INSPIRATIONAL

J/JOYFUL

K/KIND

L/LOVING

M/MINDFUL

N/NOURISHING

O/OPTIMISTIC

P/PASSIONATE

Q/QUESTIONING

R/REFLECTIVE

S/STEADY

T/TENACIOUS

U/UPLIFTING

V/VIBRANT

W/WISE

X/eXCITED

Y/non YELLING

Z/ZESTFUL

I invite you to CREATE YOUR OWN ABC BRAG LIST.

What would life look like if you only lived those traits and let go of the negative.

love and light

Indrani

A Peek into my Gratitude process

I have used the MOLESKIN 12-pack calendar this whole year to make it easy for me to record the things that I am grateful for at the end of each day.

These little books are small enough to travel with and IF it gets lost I am only losing about 1 month’s worth of items. I TRY to keep my nightstand clean ( Ahem.. I cleaned it up for the photo!) and I see the small book right there and I remember to put something in.

Here is a sample of some of the things I have been grateful for this year:

Jan 2nd 2010

  • Rolled down a HILL for first time in 30 years
  • Played Wii with Mo John and had tones of fun

April 7th 2010

  • Buddha story on PBS left me feeling so peaceful. I meditated before I went to sleep.

July 7th 2010

  • Did my first Energy Forum class. I am so happy to share this work.

September 19th 2010

  • Lovely day to “fight” away “poor me” thoughts.
  • Nice dinner with Anita and wonderful chat with Racha
  • Grateful for secure home, alarm system, Wolf, Andrea Lee, new client.

So as you can see, I don’t have to write long epistles of gratitude. And guess what… just rereading those few random entries brought a smile to my face and heart.

Here are some other ideas for starting a Gratitude practice  or refining one already in place:

  • Hope that you find some joy and spaciousness with your gratitude practice: Moleskine 2011 12 Month Color A Month Daily Planner
  • Online: Search for “Gratitude Journal app”, several are available under itunes/appstore for iPhone, iTouch, and iPad.  They are also available for Android based smartphones, search for “Gratitude Journal for Android”.

Love and Light,

Indrani

WHEN IS THE TRUTH just another LIE?

A Few years ago, while my children were in elementary school, one of my neighbors had a Christmas cookie exchange.

This woman had just applied to our school for her daughter and had not been accepted. NOTICE I did not say rejected. NO ONE CAN REJECT YOU WITH OUT YOUR PERMISSION!

As the evening progressed, and the wine flowed and the gossip… oops… “talk” became more dramatic, this woman, lets call her Janet, had a big revelation about our school.

This was it… she KNEW on excellent AUTHORITY, that our High School Kids were ALL having sex behind the Gym.

REALLY?

” YES” she expounded ” REALLY!”

There were several Moms at this party whose kids went to the school in question. I noticed that NOT a SINGLE one of us tried to refute this woman… including myself. She went on and on and…. then something came to life in me!

I KNEW that taking her on directly would be a mistake. Then it would be a side show. So here is what the conversation looked like for the next few minutes…

Me ” Wow Janet, this is really BAD. This school is really allowing such behavior?”

Janet ” Yes, it is and that is why we have decided that it is a GOOD thing that we will not be going there!”

Me” I am so grateful to you for pointing this out. I don’t know if you KNOW that I am GREAT friends with the Head Master and The Admissions Director”… I was not this was a LIE!… ” so I am going to call them up tomorrow and tell them what YOU have DISCOVERED  and tell them to CALL you for more details, since you clearly are CONCERNED  for our High School Kids. And I will also TELL them that you are RELIEVED that you were REJECTED” by the school. OH Janet, Thanks for caring for our kids.”

YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!

All eyes were trained on her and we all waited for her response.

Her jaw dropped to the ground and NO WORDS were coming out of her mouth.

She tried to catch her breath and finally said

” Well, I , umm, well I don’t think, well you see I really don’t…” I went to get some more wine and I did not hear what else she had to say.

I left shortly after and did not get invited to any more cookie exchanges.

PLEASE  do yourself a favor this holiday

When someone presents you with AN IRREFUTABLE TRUTH… please take a page from my book and offer to do them a favor by broadcasting it to their whole world!

WHY?

BECAUSE IF SOMETHING IS TRUE… IT IS TRUE and we should stand by it! Otherwise it is malicious gossip and that is toxic to our soul.