Tag Archives: right you

You have permission to be FULL OF SELF….

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

images via changeyourenergyWhen I was growing up in Trinidad, I used to hear older people telling younger people (mainly younger girls) that “they were too full of themselves.”

Often times that phrase was followed by a swift beating…a lesson that would serve to “put you back in your place.”

I accepted it as truth, that women should NOT be full of self. That being full of self was boasting and bragging and evil and only the Devil made one do that.

I have CHANGED my mind!

Today, I am FULL OF SELF!

It took a lot of hard work to kick the old beliefs to the curb and watch the bus run over them and kill them in front if my eyes.
I began to change my mind when I began to believe that my gifts and talents were worthy of being shown.
I decided to stop hiding my light under a basket.

Lights and skills and talents need to be placed on high to do the best good.
What good is knowing how to sing and only singing to oneself?
What good is knowing how to lead and never taking the reins as the leader?

In case you were waiting for someone to give you permission to be Full of Self… I’m giving it to you now.

Go forth and be Full of your BEST SELF!

Will people say that you are bragging? Maybe.
Will people say you should be less in their face? Maybe.

The bigger question is…
What will you say to the talents and gifts that have been patiently waiting in the shadows?
Will you ask them to be quiet for another year or two or ten?

What if you ONLY have a few years left?

The truth is this. None of us know how much time we have left so we MUST use all that we have to make this world a better place.
One of my favorite quotes is from Erma Bombeck.

“When I stand before God at the end of my days, I want to say, I have nothing left I used it all.”

I want this to be my utterance also.

I invite you to use all your gifts and talents, start TODAY!

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Striking a match… it’s important to know which end is which

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

downloadThe other night, I was trying to light a candle and was furiously striking the match but nothing was happening. Lamenting at how matches are so poorly made these days, I carried the candle into a lit room to try to find some different matches ONLY to realize that I was not striking the flint end if the match!

Man…did I feel dumb. I had to take back all the horrible things I was thinking about the match box manufacturer.

This, of course, had me thinking about other ways I had been wasting my energy and not putting my talents and gifts to best use.

Like the time I’ve wasted wondering why I did not get a gig that I wanted or whether my talents were good enough.

Every time a missed opportunities happened it was because I was barking up the wrong tree…not striking the proper end of the match.

I was not following my own unique gifts and purposes.

Every time I missed “a chance” I was given the space to dig deeper for my truer purpose.

One really good example of this happened about 9 years ago. I was working alongside some people who had invited me to be with them at an O Event where O Magazine was putting on a conference. I was supposed to get a behind the scenes pass to help my mentor who was presenting from the stage. I had to buy my own tickets and pay for my own hotel room but I would have the opportunity to talk to others about my coaching.

ONE day before I was supposed to be in Boston for the event, I got a call from one of my “colleagues” (the one who invited me in the first place) and she says, “I’m not sure how you thought you were invited. We never said that.”

I was devastated but I went anyway since it was my own money on the line.
I nursed my feelings of displacement and tried not to show anger when I saw my “colleagues”.

I am grateful now that those people showed me their true colors.
It forced me to figure out my own path and to strike out on my own.

I can see now that I was striking the wrong end of the match. As hard as I tried to make that opportunity work for me, there was NO FLINT to engage. There was just a lot of nothing. I could not make something from nothing.

I was forced to “make my own flint” and follow my own path.

So the next time you see a missed opportunity, ask yourself if there was any flint there in the first place.
Perhaps you are being asked to look elsewhere, to use your talents elsewhere and to strike out on your own in another place.

Love and light,
Indrani

Who is your OPRAH?

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

excited via glitterinmycoffee.tumblrWhen Oprah had her daily blockbuster talk show, I know people who had written books or had a specific platform for doing something that longed for Oprah’s people to call. They longed to be spotlighted so that their books could sell, their work could be showcased or that they could be famous.

In some instances though, a call from a behemoth like an Oprah could shut down an operation. If you were not geared up to accept millions of orders, field thousands of callers or to be thrust into the limelight, it could derail your work and your life.

Then perhaps, you were the type who wrote a lot of lies, as in A Million Little Pieces and were exposed and had to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

A call from someone like an Oprah may NOT be the next best step for you.

Recently, I got a call from a non-governmental organization called PSI.org and I am now partnering with them to eradicate Gender Based Violence.

The time was right for this call. This organization was my Oprah.

This organization can help me to spread my work and help me to shore up my own talents so that I increase my skills to do better work.

My point here is to be really specific of how your next best step with your work can be served.

It probably IS NOT the Oprahs of this world or the CNNs of the world. It is probably someone placed a little closer to you and who can enable you to take a next best and stronger step.

If, however, the Oprahs of the world call, you may have to have the courage to say no, or not yet or give me a few more years.

Only you can decide what your next best step is and it is most likely a simple step…not a leap.

Be patient, do your great work and plan your next best steps.

 

Love and light,
Indrani

Ego or preparation?

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sticker-ShockThe invitation was issued and I accepted. I was going to be one of the key note presenters at a very significant World Conference.

What would I wear?
How did I want to present myself to the attendees?
These and multitudes of questions rushed into my already overcrowded brain.

I decided that I wanted new luggage.
Luggage, I imagined, was part of the first impression….so I began to shop.
I saw that Tumi had some great designs out there and I had a 20% off coupon.
Ok, not paying full price, already a coup!
I got two pieces, one large and one carry on.
Half of the first impression done. Check.

Next, what would I wear on stage?
I had some very professional clothes that I loved and I thought I was set.
THEN, while window shopping one day, I saw IT!
The ensemble (yes, it was an ensemble and it did feel quite hoity toity to say it) was magnificent.
The colors were pink and orange and gold!
The dress even had a name, Horizon Sunset!
It was by a designer and I have never bought anything designer.
I was “talked into” trying it on.
I was mesmerized
It was perfect.
It would be the ray of sunlight that would lighten my topic of Gender Violence.
It would bring sunshine into the room.
The designer was there and she fitted it to my body. It would be a perfect fit, she said.
The dress arrived two weeks before I was due to leave. I had a final fitting and it was made to fit me perfect.
So, I happily packed my larger suitcase and more happily packed my carry on.
I have my sunshine dress, the shoes to go with it and two more outfits, just in case my luggage gets lost!
First impression… Ready set go!

NOT SO FAST.

Mishap ONE:
The BRAND NEW TUMI carry on BROKE on the first flight and I had to buy a cheap one to take its place! I called Tumi and let them have the full extent of my anger. “So sorry,” she said “we will be happy to fix it!” Really? Can you get me a new one NOW for the rest of my trip? “Ummm….no, but we are really sorry!”

Mishap TWO:
I get to St. Moritz, where I unpacked all my clothes and had them all professionally pressed so as to really make that perfect first impression. The day of my speech, I rest, I meditate and I put on the sunshine dress. I do my thing (and people love the dress!), I go up stairs to change for the dinner event, I take off my lovely dress and THERE… A LARGE GAPING HOLE where a seam ought to be! I was so upset! I let loose some choice words about the designer… and vowed to get every cent of my money back.

What did I learn?

Lesson ONE:
My old luggage was plenty good enough. I did not have to spend more money for new luggage.

Lesson TWO:
The clothes in my closet were plenty good enough and I did not have to suit up in any designer duds to try to impress anyone.

Lesson THREE:
People were coming to hear all the speakers and to be inspired by the good work that everyone was doing. I did not have to do any more than the work I had already done. My work spoke volumes.

Lesson FOUR:
I am cured of designer duds!

I was super disappointed at the stuff that went wrong but at the end of the day, I was happy with my performance and how I handled myself despite all the mishaps.

My work shone more brightly than the designer ensemble and held up under pressure better than the Tumi bag.

Let’s remember what is really important in life…it’s the stuff we DO, not the stuff we own!
I think I allowed my ego to run amok and I got clobbered for it.

Next time, I am shopping my closet and borrowing bags from family members.

Love and light,
Indrani

Arrivals and departures…..

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

landings-airplane via chrisqueen.netI have JUST returned from a LONG journey.

I have been on the road for almost 18 days and my body felt the effects of always being UP and AWARE and OPEN.

I need some time to be DOWN and INTROSPECTIVE and CLOSED.

 

I need to be closed to the outer world and open to me.

 

What happens when we to give too much to others?

We have less to keep for ourselves.

We must strike a never ending balance to the outer and the inner world.

 

This Holiday season makes giving the norm.

I ask you to save some of the giving for yourself.

Save some of the awareness of what others need for being aware of what you need.

It may mean saying a NO to yet another gathering.

It may mean saying YES to being still and listening to the aches and pains of your body.

ONLY you can decide this.

Take some time to sort out where you are investing your precious energy.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

Total recall…or false memories

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

black-blackandwhite-fun-grey-memories-favim-coThere is a new movie out called Total Recall. I have not seen it and this is not a commentary on that movie.

Rather, this is about what we remember and what we choose to forget.

I know for a fact that three people will have three different interpretations for any particular event. They may get the facts right, like who married whom, but their memories of the service and wedding will be different.

I am wondering if what I remember is really what happened or could I have been convinced that I remembered wrongly?
People are quick to interrupt us and tell us how “it really happened.” I have been witness to many a marital fight that was based on who remembered “correctly.”

How have my memories been changed/affected by what others tell me?

When a child reports abuse and is told that it did not take place, how do they reconcile the feedback vs. the facts. When someone tells you that you were “rude” such and such a time and you don’t remember it that way, what do you do with the information? When an abused woman tells her mother-in-law that she is being beaten, will the mother-in-law believe? And how will that change the intensity of the woman’s memory in the moment?

Do you ever doubt your own memories?
Have you ever been challenged on your memories and have you felt like you are losing your mind?
By this I mean, you really, with absolute clarity, recall some event, only to be set upon by others, hell bent on changing your mind.

I don’t mean the give and take that happens between good friends, or people teasing you. I mean the mean-spirited verbiage that can erupt when you least expect it. I believe that people attack our memories when the memory makes them uncomfortable. Of course, I have no empirical proof of this statement…it is simply an intuition that I have having lived for more than 58 years.

Will they try to talk us out of our memory if it was a favorable memory to them?

Do you ever talk people out of a memory they have of you?
What would you hear if you asked a TRUSTED friend about something you both experienced together?
Would you be surprised at what they remembered? Would you be happy or upset?

Would you think that they judged you?

Would you judge them or yourself based on their recollection?

I have found that memories are like water….they slip away quietly but leave evidence of having been there.
I am oftentimes surprised by the amount of time I waste trying to wrestle a memory from its hiding place.
When this happens, it usually means that I am trying to “build a case” to prove something in the present.
I have come to loathe “case building.”
I hate when I do it and I despise when someone does it to me.

So, the next time you remember something, ask yourself these helpful questions:

  1. Will this help me to navigate what’s happening in the present?
  2. Why do I feel the need to unearth this memory now? Will it be a joyful experience?
  3. If it will bring me pain, what can I learn from the pain that I haven’t already learned?

Life is but a series of memories…make sweet ones.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Are you living in a cage?

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

beautiful-bird-cage-photography via weheartit“Even a golden cage is still a cage.” – Indrani

Are you living in a cage at all in some way, in your life or business?

No matter how good things might seem on the outside, or to others, only you can know if your heart is in a cage.

What is no longer an active “yes”, that you’re not saying “no” to? That is a cage, too.

What “no” are you needing to say and what is the “yes” that gets to pop up if you are brave enough to do that?

And if you look closely, is the cage you’re in really so golden? When you really open your eyes, and discover the cage is actually just a plain metal one, what does that do to release you to fly free?

As fearful as it may be to be bold and do the uncertain thing, if you tell the truth to yourself, you will hear that you are afraid anyway sitting on your perch doing nothing or little.

Which would you prefer – to be free and afraid, or afraid inside a cage?

Feeling like a puppet? CUT the strings, one at a time…

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

SONY DSCWhen I was in Russia a few years ago on a clown trip, I went to an hour long puppet show.
I really enjoyed that show. The puppets were exquisitely made and the puppeteer had finely honed his craft over 20 years.
This week, as I listen to some of my clients tell me about things they MUST do to make their husbands happy, I felt that I was right back at the puppet show. I could see their husbands pull the strings making them do a dance that made them feel ill, uncomfortable and compromised.

One particular story stands out:
A wife is “made” to be a voyeur while her husband engages in various sexual behaviors with other women.
She is told that at least he is respecting her by not asking her to “do it” with other men.
She feels relieved that she does not have to take other lovers, and she feels violently ill when she has to be the observer. She also feels love for her husband.

This is NOT an easy situation. She is in a sad and painful place.
It seems to me that she is the chief and most important puppet in his puppet show.
If the wife really wants to change the extra circular activities that happen in her life, she can ONLY change her OWN behaviors.
But she loves him.

I can hear you say, “What will he do?”

The short answer is he will do whatever he wants to do.
He has life exactly as he wants it.
She, on the other hand, has a life that has become disgusting to her.
She can only change her actions.
One of the first things she can do is decide which parts of her married life she can still stomach.
She then HAS to get some professional counseling for breaking the news to her husband.
She can find FREE help at various women’s shelters in her local area. In the Houston area, there is an organization called Houston Galveston Institute and they even offer FREE counseling help on Saturdays. No appointment necessary.

She can create a new life. She can even create a new marriage. But it must begin with creating a new sense of self respect.
She can kick start the whole process by making a short list of all the good things she sees in herself.
She can keep adding some positives to her list every day.
She is going to have to remind herself on a daily basis that she is worthy of respect from others and respect from herself.

If you know someone who can use some of the small steps in this blog, please pass it on to her.
You can also tell her to sign up for 5 minutes to happiness, and she will get an e-course that will help her to discover the inner strengths that she has.
Love and light,
Indrani

P.S. As she gets stronger, she will be able to CUT the strings in her mind and she will find freedom.

IT’S YOUR CALL…

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

thankful via chebec.wordpressOne Sunday night, I was watching the Mentalist on TV (LOVE that show) and one of the male detectives asked his male partner if he should get married.

The partner simple said, “You want it to be my call?”

Simply Brilliant Writing!

 

How often though do we ask others about some of the MOST important decisions in our lives?

We PRETEND that others have more wisdom about our own selves than we do.

YES… PRETEND.

It has to be a pretense because YOU are your own expert.

The trick to accessing your wisdom is to be silent and to ask yourself a simple question about the “thing” you are trying to evaluate.

 

Let’s do an example:

Let’s say you have met someone and want to know if you should go on a date. Instead of calling up all your friends who HAVE NOT MET this person, sit in silence and look for signs in your body of serenity and peacefulness and YES, excitement.

Not an anxious excitement, but a buzzing and soft excitement that alerts you to something sweet about to happen.

In order to access these messages you will have to practice with everyday decisions and get fluent in understanding your own body and the way it talks to you.

It will help to do meditation on a fairly regular basis and you will learn how to “read” your body.

Here is a short meditation to help get you started.

 

Love and light,

Indrani