Tag Archives: self love

Ego or preparation?

December 14, 2013featured, homepagebe prepared, be your best, best, choices, do good work, ego, gender based violence, gender violence, give your best, Gratitude, gratitude practice, happiness, how to say no, lessons, life lessons, preparation, right action, right you, self love, shine brightly, youIndrani Goradia

The invitation was issued and I accepted. I was going to be one of the key note presenters at a very significant World Conference.

What would I wear?
How did I want to present myself to the attendees?
These and multitudes of questions rushed into my already overcrowded brain.

I decided that I wanted new luggage.
Luggage, I imagined, was part of the first impression….so I began to shop.
I saw that Tumi had some great designs out there and I had a 20% off coupon.
Ok, not paying full price, already a coup!
I got two pieces, one large and one carry on.
Half of the first impression done. Check.

Next, what would I wear on stage?
I had some very professional clothes that I loved and I thought I was set.
THEN, while window shopping one day, I saw IT!
The ensemble (yes, it was an ensemble and it did feel quite hoity toity to say it) was magnificent.
The colors were pink and orange and gold!
The dress even had a name, Horizon Sunset!
It was by a designer and I have never bought anything designer.
I was “talked into” trying it on.
I was mesmerized
It was perfect.
It would be the ray of sunlight that would lighten my topic of Gender Violence.
It would bring sunshine into the room.
The designer was there and she fitted it to my body. It would be a perfect fit, she said.
The dress arrived two weeks before I was due to leave. I had a final fitting and it was made to fit me perfect.
So, I happily packed my larger suitcase and more happily packed my carry on.
I have my sunshine dress, the shoes to go with it and two more outfits, just in case my luggage gets lost!
First impression… Ready set go!

NOT SO FAST.

Mishap ONE:
The BRAND NEW TUMI carry on BROKE on the first flight and I had to buy a cheap one to take its place! I called Tumi and let them have the full extent of my anger. “So sorry,” she said “we will be happy to fix it!” Really? Can you get me a new one NOW for the rest of my trip? “Ummm….no, but we are really sorry!”

Mishap TWO:
I get to St. Moritz, where I unpacked all my clothes and had them all professionally pressed so as to really make that perfect first impression. The day of my speech, I rest, I meditate and I put on the sunshine dress. I do my thing (and people love the dress!), I go up stairs to change for the dinner event, I take off my lovely dress and THERE… A LARGE GAPING HOLE where a seam ought to be! I was so upset! I let loose some choice words about the designer… and vowed to get every cent of my money back.

What did I learn?

Lesson ONE:
My old luggage was plenty good enough. I did not have to spend more money for new luggage.

Lesson TWO:
The clothes in my closet were plenty good enough and I did not have to suit up in any designer duds to try to impress anyone.

Lesson THREE:
People were coming to hear all the speakers and to be inspired by the good work that everyone was doing. I did not have to do any more than the work I had already done. My work spoke volumes.

Lesson FOUR:
I am cured of designer duds!

I was super disappointed at the stuff that went wrong but at the end of the day, I was happy with my performance and how I handled myself despite all the mishaps.

My work shone more brightly than the designer ensemble and held up under pressure better than the Tumi bag.

Let’s remember what is really important in life…it’s the stuff we DO, not the stuff we own!
I think I allowed my ego to run amok and I got clobbered for it.

Next time, I am shopping my closet and borrowing bags from family members.

Love and light,
Indrani

Arrivals and departures…..

December 11, 2013featured, homepagean empowered no, awareness, balance, be present, best, choices, courage, energy, gender based violence, gender violence, give to others, give to yourself, how to say no, inner peace, invest your energy, journey, letting go of negative, love, love others, love yourself, respect, right action, right you, saying no, self love, self respect, standing your ground, travel, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

I have JUST returned from a LONG journey.

I have been on the road for almost 18 days and my body felt the effects of always being UP and AWARE and OPEN.

I need some time to be DOWN and INTROSPECTIVE and CLOSED.

I need to be closed to the outer world and open to me.

What happens when we to give too much to others?

We have less to keep for ourselves.

We must strike a never ending balance to the outer and the inner world.

This Holiday season makes giving the norm.

I ask you to save some of the giving for yourself.

Save some of the awareness of what others need for being aware of what you need.

It may mean saying a NO to yet another gathering.

It may mean saying YES to being still and listening to the aches and pains of your body.

ONLY you can decide this.

Take some time to sort out where you are investing your precious energy.

Love and light,

Indrani

Are you living in a cage?

November 27, 2013featured, homepagean empowered no, an empowered yes, be free, be true to you, be truthful, best, cage, choices, courage, fear, free yourself, gender based violence, gender violence, how to say no, letting go of negative, living in a cage, love yourself, right action, right you, self love, start new, use your voice, youAndrea Lee

“Even a golden cage is still a cage.” – Indrani

Are you living in a cage at all in some way, in your life or business?

No matter how good things might seem on the outside, or to others, only you can know if your heart is in a cage.

What is no longer an active “yes”, that you’re not saying “no” to? That is a cage, too.

What “no” are you needing to say and what is the “yes” that gets to pop up if you are brave enough to do that?

And if you look closely, is the cage you’re in really so golden? When you really open your eyes, and discover the cage is actually just a plain metal one, what does that do to release you to fly free?

As fearful as it may be to be bold and do the uncertain thing, if you tell the truth to yourself, you will hear that you are afraid anyway sitting on your perch doing nothing or little.

Which would you prefer – to be free and afraid, or afraid inside a cage?

Fuel enough to burn through gravity!

November 23, 2013featured, homepageabuse, abuser, an empowered no, best, child, children, choices, courage, domestic violence, fear, find you team, find your strength, fuel, gender based violence, gender violence, get help, get professional help, gravitational pull, how to say no, love yourself, respect, self love, self respect, start new, Stop domestic violence, truth, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Have you ever seen a shuttle lift off?

From what I have read, shuttles use over half of their fuel supply to break out of the earth’s gravitational pull.
After the shuttle breaks free, the fuel usage drops significantly.
If there is not enough combustion and the propulsion does not quite allow the shuttle to break out then all that initial work, all that burning will be for naught!
The shuttle will fall back down and shatter.

I like this metaphor for looking at what it takes to leave an abuser.
In order to leave, you have to have some initial fuel. Perhaps it’s a threat that you finally believe. Perhaps it’s yet another physical attack. Something fuels you to run for your life.
If you do not have the reserves of fuel to help you to stay gone (breaking free of the gravitational pull of the abuser) you will fall right back into their pull and burn up, all over again!

What are those reserves of fuel?

Those reserves are LOVE for yourself and your children.
Those reserves are finally realizing that your abuser tells you LIES!

The lies are that you are worthless, that you cannot survive without them, that you will live under a bridge or that NO ONE could ever love you.

Lies… All LIES!

The deeper you dig to find YOUR truths the better chance you have to stay gone to continue to free yourself of the gravitational pull of the abuser.

Abusers, like gravity, like to pull you DOWN.
They do not like you to move and think on your own. If they want you to think, they will TELL you what to think, when to think and how long to think it.
Abusers like to see themselves as mind readers, as purveyors of Truth!
The world revolves around them and the only thing that matters is what they believe to be so.
Read this former blog post, Bricks are for building and get an insight into some real life abuse.

How do you reserve enough fuel so that you can stay gone?
Some of the things you can do are:

TALK to professionals about your abuse.
Gather information on how abuse and abusers work.
Begin to identify the pattern in your abuse. 1. Event 2. Abuse 3. Honeymoon** 4. Apologies

**Note that in this 3rd stage, The Honeymoon Stage, is when the gravitational pull to go back to the abuse is strongest. You WANT to believe that he means it THIS time. You want to believe that he WILL never hit or rape or threaten you again. Oh, how you LONG to believe it. Beware of this gravitational pull.

All abuse follows this formula.
Sometimes the time frame between the stages varies from minutes to hours to days and even months. I have also seen the stages take years, but it still follows this formula. The abuse is still present.

Keep notes (in a VERY safe place) and note how many things you are being accused of. Ask yourself if you are really that powerful as to make those things all happen.
If indeed you WERE that powerful, would you not make the abuser stop hurting you?

You cannot fight this fight alone. It takes a whole team of qualified engineers and staff personnel to safely send that shuttle off into space. You need a team of qualified people to help you to blast away and more importantly, stay away.

Find your team.
Refill your fuel reserves.
Blast away.
Stay away.
Far away, until you love yourself SO much, that you will never again believe the lies.

Love and light,
Indrani

Feeling like a puppet? CUT the strings, one at a time…

November 16, 2013featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, choices, counseling, courage, create a new life, domestic violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, Houston Galveston Institute, how to say no, inner strength, letting go of negative, love yourself, make the change, respect yourself, right action, right you, self love, self respect, shine brightly, standing your ground, start new, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, vulnerability, women's shelters, you, you are worthyIndrani Goradia

When I was in Russia a few years ago on a clown trip, I went to an hour long puppet show.
I really enjoyed that show. The puppets were exquisitely made and the puppeteer had finely honed his craft over 20 years.
This week, as I listen to some of my clients tell me about things they MUST do to make their husbands happy, I felt that I was right back at the puppet show. I could see their husbands pull the strings making them do a dance that made them feel ill, uncomfortable and compromised.

One particular story stands out:
A wife is “made” to be a voyeur while her husband engages in various sexual behaviors with other women.
She is told that at least he is respecting her by not asking her to “do it” with other men.
She feels relieved that she does not have to take other lovers, and she feels violently ill when she has to be the observer. She also feels love for her husband.

This is NOT an easy situation. She is in a sad and painful place.
It seems to me that she is the chief and most important puppet in his puppet show.
If the wife really wants to change the extra circular activities that happen in her life, she can ONLY change her OWN behaviors.
But she loves him.

I can hear you say, “What will he do?”

The short answer is he will do whatever he wants to do.
He has life exactly as he wants it.
She, on the other hand, has a life that has become disgusting to her.
She can only change her actions.
One of the first things she can do is decide which parts of her married life she can still stomach.
She then HAS to get some professional counseling for breaking the news to her husband.
She can find FREE help at various women’s shelters in her local area. In the Houston area, there is an organization called Houston Galveston Institute and they even offer FREE counseling help on Saturdays. No appointment necessary.

She can create a new life. She can even create a new marriage. But it must begin with creating a new sense of self respect.
She can kick start the whole process by making a short list of all the good things she sees in herself.
She can keep adding some positives to her list every day.
She is going to have to remind herself on a daily basis that she is worthy of respect from others and respect from herself.

If you know someone who can use some of the small steps in this blog, please pass it on to her.
You can also tell her to sign up for 5 minutes to happiness, and she will get an e-course that will help her to discover the inner strengths that she has.
Love and light,
Indrani

P.S. As she gets stronger, she will be able to CUT the strings in her mind and she will find freedom.

IT’S YOUR CALL…

November 2, 2013featured, homepagebe present, best, choices, gender based violence, gender violence, listen, listen to your heart, listening, love yourself, meditate, meditation, right action, right you, self love, self respect, truth, wisdomIndrani Goradia

One Sunday night, I was watching the Mentalist on TV (LOVE that show) and one of the male detectives asked his male partner if he should get married.

The partner simple said, “You want it to be my call?”

Simply Brilliant Writing!

How often though do we ask others about some of the MOST important decisions in our lives?

We PRETEND that others have more wisdom about our own selves than we do.

YES… PRETEND.

It has to be a pretense because YOU are your own expert.

The trick to accessing your wisdom is to be silent and to ask yourself a simple question about the “thing” you are trying to evaluate.

Let’s do an example:

Let’s say you have met someone and want to know if you should go on a date. Instead of calling up all your friends who HAVE NOT MET this person, sit in silence and look for signs in your body of serenity and peacefulness and YES, excitement.

Not an anxious excitement, but a buzzing and soft excitement that alerts you to something sweet about to happen.

In order to access these messages you will have to practice with everyday decisions and get fluent in understanding your own body and the way it talks to you.

It will help to do meditation on a fairly regular basis and you will learn how to “read” your body.

Here is a short meditation to help get you started.

Love and light,

Indrani