I believe in you….
Tag Archives: self love
Domestic Violence Awareness Day 5
Surround yourself with beauty.
Ms. Know-It-All…..
I was at a well known treatment center a few weeks ago and on the last day of my event I decided to eat breakfast on the lawn.
I usually ate in the cafe but on this particular day the weather was glorious and I wanted to savor the fresh air.
I sat at a table that was already occupied by two young women.
I immediately started to engage with them as is my way and we were having a sweet conversation.
Another woman joined us, and the party began.
Within 5 minutes, the new woman had chased away one of the original people and was expounding on how I should fix my life.
THIS woman KNEW that:
1. I was hanging around negative people.
2. I was deliberately choosing to hang around negative people.
3. I was clearly not making the right choices in friends.
Mmmmmm…. I wanted to:
1. Snap at her.
2. Throw my OJ at her.
3. Dig out my inner bitch and have at it.
Instead, I chose to turn my body away from her and engage with the other woman at the table.
Ms. Know-It-All then turned her attention to the woman I was talking to and proceeded to tell her how to fix her life.
This woman was just the most “knowledgeable” person I had met in quite a while.
She then told me to contact her and that she could help with my foundation.
I almost choked.
I smiled at her, and said “Have a good day” and went to class.
I congratulated myself for not losing my cool and for having the courage to be graceful about leaving the table.
Have you ever met people like this?
Some of these people are in our families and it’s not so easy to leave them behind.
There are, however, lots of people we continually choose to be around who are always “in our business.”
They know everything about everything. They are experts at philosophy, history, psychology, social skills etc. You name it, they have the answer!
I don’t know about you, but I am not in the market for any more Know-It-Alls in my life. I have had my fill of them. They were irritating then, and they are irritating now!
The difference in me is now I have the courage to leave and not CARE what they think of me.
I do not care if that woman thinks that she is JUST the thing I need to make my foundation reach one million people.
I will take my time, surround myself with people I admire and respect and LIKE, and I will reach the right amount of people in exactly the right time.
There is a KNOW-IT-ALL lurking around every corner, waiting for us to show the slightest interest in the wealth of knowledge and then…
They latch ON!
It is harder to extricate yourself from their clutches than it is to just leave them alone the first time you meet them.
I hope you meet some of these people soon and you can begin to practice the strength of believing in yourself.
These individuals give us the opportunity to stand firmly in our knowledge and allow them to expound to someone else.
If you meet one of these individuals at a party I recommend faking a bad stomach and getting the hell outta there.
I don’t know about you, but I believe that life is too short to waste precious time on people who just LOVE to hear the sound of their own voice.
Love & light,
Indrani
Cultivate LOVE…..
What is the meaning of Cultivation?
The dictionary says it is the process of trying to acquire or develop a quality or skill.
When you read the title “Cultivate Love”, what did you think?
Take just a few moments now to meditate on the words, CULTIVATE LOVE.
This is very much an action phrase, it implies activity and intention.
How can you cultivate SELF love?
Here are a few ways to increase the bounty of your SELF love:
1. Reduce self-judgment. Tell yourself you REALLY are doing the best you can.
2. Have a designated STOPPER…someone who will say “Hey, STOP that negative self-talk.” This means you have to have a conversation with a trusted person and tell them your game plan. In my own life, I am a STOPPER for many even though they don’t know it. I hear their negative self talk and I remind them of something that is great about them.
3. Plant a small, living plant and take excellent care of it. Research the right amount of sun and water it needs and devote yourself to its care. Be a good steward of a living thing.
4. Stand for a few breaths in the mirror every morning and tell yourself a few good things about you.
5. Look at my video called “What’s right with you?”.
Try these easy steps for a few days, then for a few more. Keep a journal of your thoughts around Cultivating Self Love and if you feel inclined, we would love for you to share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Love and light,
Indrani
Hanging on to the buoys
When I was 49, I decided to learn to swim and to participate in an Olympic Distance Triathlon.
Yes, you read that right…learn to swim!
Even though I had grown up on an island, what I used to do in the ocean was not swimming. It was simply not drowning.
So on the day of the triathlon, I looked out over the lake at Disney World and I counted the buoys that marked the swim course.
The idea is to swim as close to the buoys as possible and use them as a guide to swim the distance of one mile.
My strategy was VERY different.
Since I had only learned to swim properly six months prior, I could not swim one mile in a single go.
I had practiced “buoy to buoy” so to speak.
I had also heard that swimmers were so eager to finish first that they kicked you in the face, kicked off your goggles and pretty much ignored that you we also trying to finish a race.
I remember the night before I left for Disney World I had a neighbor who had done many triathlons and I asked him for advice.
He said, with a smile, “So when’s the Tri?”
I smiled right back and said, “In two days.”
He shot up from his relaxed seated position and said, “WHAT?”
He seemed to think I had waited too long to ask for help.
So I asked him for just one piece of advice.
He said, “Be careful of the other swimmers. Wear two swim caps and sandwich your goggles between them, you may hold on to them longer. Swim away from the buoys and this will lessen the chance that you’ll get kicked in the face.”
I said, “Ok, see you in a week.”
He looked at me like I had lost my mind.
Well, I took his advice and I wore two caps, I sandwiched my goggles and I swam WAY away from the buoys (even as an amateur I know that this may have doubled my swim distance).
I was NOT kicked in the face.
I added my own bits of advice.
I swam buoy to buoy!
The WHOLE way!
Want to know what else I did?
I imagined that a childhood friend was standing on each of those buoys and they were TAUNTING me like they usually did.
I imagined them saying things like, “Indrani, you’ll never make it to the next buoy!”
I imagined myself cursing them and saying, “Watch me!”
I did this for about seven buoys.
The last two buoys were different.
All of a sudden all of my childhood tormentors were piled together on the last remaining buoys and they were screaming things like,
“You GO!”
“Don’t you DARE give up!”
“We BELIEVE in you!”
I even caught myself laughing out loud as I clung to the final buoy.
At that buoy, a young man in a canoe, came up and asked if I was tired and asked if I needed to hold onto his life float.
I told him I was tired and I was worried that I was swimming in zigzags so I was really using more energy than I needed to use.
He told me that if he saw me zigzagging he would slap the water with his paddle, I would hear it and look up and see how to correct my course.
He then said, “Ma’am, please don’t give up. All of us out here on the lake want you to finish. We are all rooting for you.”
I laughed at him and said, “I am from Trinidad, I turned 50 two days ago, I learned to swim six months ago and I am like the Jamaican Bobsled Team… I will never give up!”
He laughed and said, “Ok, see you on the beach.”
Dear readers, I finished dead LAST! But I finished.
Love and light,
Indrani
The FULL COURT PRESS… You CAN stand up to them!
Do you know what the phrase “full court press” means?
My novice understanding of basketball tells me it’s when the opposing team exports most of its players to guard your players the whole length of the court. Especially the greatest players on your team like the one who scores a lot or the one who is the 3 point expert…the player most like a young Michael Jordan. I think that Michael Jordan was the recipient of many a “full court press”.
When faced with the wrath of the opposing team, one must use all of one’s wiles and wits. One must pull every trick out of the hat…make any move, even if it seems counter intuitive. It’s either make a move (a swift move), find someone to pass the ball to or just go for the shot anyway, before the ref blows the whistle that you’ve held the ball too long.
Ok, big deal, why should you care about the theory of the full court press?
So glad you asked!
Let’s use our eagle eyes to zoom out from the basketball court and soar way above our lives and take some close looks at the predicaments that we have gotten ourselves into.
When you were a kid and another kid hurt you, did you want, even long for, your parents to come to your rescue? If the answer is yes, then you longed for the full court family press to save you because you could not save yourself. You wanted your team to surround you and help you to navigate the challenge at hand.
Did your parents ever go to your school to stand with you against an unfair accusation by a teacher? If so, you were the recipient of the Full Court Press. You see the full court press does not always work the way you want it to. You may not get the teacher to admit that they were wrong BUT you will have seen that your family came to your aid and that may be all that you needed. You were NOT being blamed by your people, only by the opposing team. Your people had your back!
The full court press can work in the exact opposite way.
Take for example, your spouse hits you, so bad that you had to go to the hospital. The doctor BY LAW must report alleged domestic violence. The police begin to question you and you finally break down and all the secrets come tumbling out. The secrets of many years can no longer be held in.
Be aware that the Full Court Family Press is about to be UNLEASHED on you. The press will probably be from the side of the battering spouse, maybe even the battered spouse side may jump in.
You may be pressed and pressured with words like;
He didn’t mean it.
What did you do to upset him?
What kind of mother are you to put your children’s father in jail?
What kind of wife are you to not know how to make your family happy?
What will the rest of the family say?
What will the priest/imam/rabbi/guru/scientologist say?
When you start being barraged by the Full court press, whose only goal is to get you to go back to being abused in silence, you MUST find someone on the outside that you can “send the ball” to.
This will be someone who wants to help you live a life of JOY.
This will be someone who understands your pain.
This will be someone who has your back.
The Full Court Press to repress your rights to a peaceful life may NEVER go away.
They may vow to make your life miserable and spread rumors about you throughout the town/village/Internet.
You cannot control their actions. You can only control your own actions.
So suit up and look around. Identify those on YOUR team and give them a heads up that you may be calling on them.
Gather your team slowly and purposefully. Don’t accept people who make you feel bad even when things are good. These people may not be able to hold your pain and be a part of your full court.
I hope this got you thinking about who is REALLY on your team.
You deserve a wonderful team.
Love and light,
Indrani
Faberge or Fauxberge?
A few weeks ago I attended the Faberge exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science.
Turns out the collection belonged to someone who started quite by accident.
The first piece that the collector bought turned out to be a fake (hence Fauxberge) and that mistake put her on a quest to educate herself about the authentic Faberge pieces.
She spent thousands of hours and as many dollars learning as much as she could about the art and hired many specialists to help her to identify real from fake.
How can this story possibly be connected to you?
Have you ever been called names or been told you were insensitive or mean. Have you ever been accused of turning your back on someone?
Have you ever accepted the accusations as real?
If you have, you have accepted the false or fake you that the other person is seeing.
You can say that they have FAUXED you! Yes, I just made up that word. It is pronounced “fawd”.
They have “sold” and you may have “bought” the false and unflattering description of you.
Who can you turn to for authentication?
The best source is, of course, YOU. However, sometimes you may be feeling so bad that you cannot be your own best friend. This is when you turn to others who are the “learned” in the field of life.
This could be a trusted friend, family member or a coach.
Each of these people can reflect to you a truer sense of who you are. Each of these individuals will release you from the choke-hold of the false beliefs.
It really is worth the investment of time and maybe dollars to investigate your true and sacred nature.
Don’t be fooled by people who try to paint you with unflattering strokes.
Be brave and stand up to these thieves of your divine self and stand in your authenticity.
If you would like a tried and true way to uncover your beautiful values go to www.viasurvey.org and take the free test.
Love and light,
Indrani
Are you a fence post?
A few months ago I was at a program at Kripalu and while on a walk one morning I observed some people building a fence.
That in of itself was not a big deal, except for the tool that was used to set the fence post.
It looked like a metal hat that fit over the top of the post and was used the push the post into the ground so it would be as sturdy as possible.
I immediately thought about women who were beaten down by others into being submissive and “put in their place” so the family system could be supported, whether the system was healthy or not.
I imagined that every time a woman or girl was told to be silent about rape or other abuse, that she was like that fence post, rammed on the head to be quiet and stay silent so that the status quo could be maintained.
I imagined that every time a woman decided that it was better to suffer in silence than shed light on the inhumane treatment she was receiving at home, that she was the one who banged herself into submission.
I imagined that she saw herself as the post and the tool. Maybe the thinking is that she better not rock the post or the whole system will come crashing down and everyone will blame her.
These musings are of course my own imaginings and I could be very wrong.
I have no answers about why women accept abuse and why they don’t speak up the very first time it happens.
Perhaps if one of you reading this has been silent in the past, the image of being bashed over the head as if you are a fence post might help you to speak up and take action.
If you don’t speak up now…then perhaps you will in the not so distant future.
My hope is that you eventually protect yourself and protect the children who may be witnessing the abuse.
Love and light,
Indrani
Damaged people damage people…
“Damaged people damage people.” Marianne Williamson
Does this sentence make sense to you?
Have you ever been in a room full of negative people and try as you may, they soon coat you with their negativity?
What is it about human nature that we tend to stick around toxic people in hopes of changing them?
You know if you are that type. I know that I used to be. The worse someone treated me, the longer I stuck around and the more emotional energy I invested in the relationship as if that would get me an A+ from some imagined professor. I would make excuses for them and tell my other friends things like, “Oh, if you ONLY knew the real so and so.” My friends would say, “If only YOU would see the real person, then you could get out.”
It is quite a pity that I had to get so old before I realized that I was wasting my time and energy with certain types of individuals. I wish I could bottle the knowledge gained from experience and give it away freely to younger women.
Unfortunately, that is not possible.
What I can do is compile a list of questions that you can ask yourself to get clarity about whether to stick around those certain individuals…here goes:
Do they make you feel better about yourself? I have a new favorite TV show called Nashville. There is a young couple on the show and he has
begun to mistreat her and accuses her of sidelining him. She tries to explain and she keeps trying to show him how much she loves him, BUT
it is not working. I want to scream at the TV and say LEAVE!
Do you feel like this person has a clear sense of what they want from their life? Is their path clear to them? If the person wants you to switch your life around so that they can be more comfortable, then this may be a sign that there is trouble in paradise.
Which begs the question, was there ever a paradise? Was there ever a time when you felt really supported and comforted? If not, why expect it now?
If yes, and something has changed, then find the courage to open up the conversation about what has changed AND do not accept blame heaped upon you.
Navigating the ups and downs of life is not easy and NEVER will be.
The easy thing to do is to accept the situation, lie and tell yourself that there is nothing you can do and THEN DO NOTHING!
Yes, doing nothing about people who make you feel like the scum of the earth is easy in the SHORT run!
In the LONG run, it is the best way to lose yourself to lies and pain.
The LONG run is what needs to be addressed, by being courageous enough to take action in the PRESENT, the shorter run.
This really is the only way!
Love and light,
Indrani
Call me CRAZY!
You know the song “Call Me Maybe”? If not, Google it now and have a listen. It is really sweet and fun to dance to!
I have some lyric changes for those of us who meet someone and BAM, we are in love!
Then when it does not turn out to be a fairy tale, we blame everyone else and we swear the next “stranger in the night” will be perfect.
By the way, Stranger in The Night is another song from long ago…it too deserves a listen.
Here goes…
Hey, I just met you
You say you love me
And here’s my money
Just call me crazy
Hey, I don’t know you
But you swear you love me
And I’m so desperate
So call me crazy
Hey, where you going?
We just had sex
You said you loved me
Now you say I’m crazy?
Hey, I really love you
I really hate me
And now you’re scared of me
Am I crazy?
I don’t claim to be a song writer but you get the point, right?
Some of us do crazy things and expect romantic outcomes.
Let’s respect ourselves, have our own life plan and use our thinking brains.
And NO, THAT’S NOT CRAZY!
Love and light,
Indrani