Tag Archives: shine brightly

You have permission to be FULL OF SELF….

March 1, 2014featured, homepagebe the best you can be, be you, be your best self, best, choices, courage, gender based violence, gender violence, love yourself, right you, self love, shine brightly, use your gift, use your talent, use your voice, youIndrani Goradia

When I was growing up in Trinidad, I used to hear older people telling younger people (mainly younger girls) that “they were too full of themselves.”

Often times that phrase was followed by a swift beating…a lesson that would serve to “put you back in your place.”

I accepted it as truth, that women should NOT be full of self. That being full of self was boasting and bragging and evil and only the Devil made one do that.

I have CHANGED my mind!

Today, I am FULL OF SELF!

It took a lot of hard work to kick the old beliefs to the curb and watch the bus run over them and kill them in front if my eyes.
I began to change my mind when I began to believe that my gifts and talents were worthy of being shown.
I decided to stop hiding my light under a basket.

Lights and skills and talents need to be placed on high to do the best good.
What good is knowing how to sing and only singing to oneself?
What good is knowing how to lead and never taking the reins as the leader?

In case you were waiting for someone to give you permission to be Full of Self… I’m giving it to you now.

Go forth and be Full of your BEST SELF!

Will people say that you are bragging? Maybe.
Will people say you should be less in their face? Maybe.

The bigger question is…
What will you say to the talents and gifts that have been patiently waiting in the shadows?
Will you ask them to be quiet for another year or two or ten?

What if you ONLY have a few years left?

The truth is this. None of us know how much time we have left so we MUST use all that we have to make this world a better place.
One of my favorite quotes is from Erma Bombeck.

“When I stand before God at the end of my days, I want to say, I have nothing left I used it all.”

I want this to be my utterance also.

I invite you to use all your gifts and talents, start TODAY!

Love and light,

Indrani

Malignant impulses….aka acid attacks!

February 22, 2014featured, homepageabuse, acid attacks, domestic violence, gender based violence, gender violence, intuition, malignant impulse, shine brightlyIndrani Goradia

I have been reading Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ Women Who Run with Wolves and I came upon these two words… Malignant Impulses.

I stopped dead in my tracks and tried to digest these two words that she so magically strung together.

The dictionary defines Malignant as “passionately and relentlessly malevolent” and “evil in nature, influence or effect.” Some other words that are similar to malignant are:

Cruel
Hateful
Malevolent
Spiteful
Vicious.

We really do know DEEP down that to have a malignancy in one’s life is a straight path to hell, then imminent death.

Impulse is defined as, “a force so communicated as to produce motion suddenly” and “a propensity or natural tendency OTHER than rational.”

If we speak English, we KNOW how powerful the stringing of Malignant is with Impulse.
We GET the meaning in our gut. We have a visceral understanding of these words.

It really does not matter what the dictionary says, we all know the energy of malignant. A malignant tumor is one that will kill you.
It screams aggression and it also screams that life as you know it will be forever changed.

We also know (if we are honest with ourselves) and understand impulses.
If you have children you have invested thousands of hours in helping them to control impulses…especially in the classroom.
If I had a penny for every time I tried to teach impulse control, I would have LOTS of money.

When we think of abuse we can see how malignant impulse can be applied and it makes sense.
People who use abuse can be called malignant beings. They infect others with their special brand of pain or cruelty.
They always have their reasons, like so and so did not do what was asked so they HAD to be taught a lesson, punished and beaten back into submission.
The impulse that the abuser feels to impose their view of the world on someone else is often so fierce that they will not stand for any other words for their request but YES.

Telling an abuser NO makes them crazy and their malignancy comes flying out of their soul.

Acid Attacks are one such example of malignant impulses.

I met a young woman in Delhi whose name is Laxmi. She was 15 when a 32 year old man asked her to marry him.
He was a malignant being. She said no and he threw acid in her face and disfigured her for life.
He DID NOT, however, kill her spirit.
She is now an activist working with a campaign to STOP ACID ATTACKS.
She is a special brand of hero. Underneath all of her burned skin…she shines as brightly as 10,000 suns.

We may not be able to stop malignant people from their malignant impulses but we may be able to use our intuition to stay away from such nasty beings.

If you think you are in danger of someone’s malignant impulses, PLEASE try to get help. Tell LOTS of people what you suspect. Do NOT allow people to talk you out of your intuitive knowing.

You must be vigilant for your own welfare.

In the USA, acid attacks take the form of gun violence and you must be hyper vigilant of your surroundings.

Be careful and be strong.
Love and light,
Indrani

Striking a match… it’s important to know which end is which

January 18, 2014featured, homepagebest, choices, courage, find your own path, follow your own path, gender based violence, gender violence, letting go of negative, love yourself, right action, right you, shine brightly, use your gift, use your gifts, use your talent, use your talents, you, you are uniqueIndrani Goradia

The other night, I was trying to light a candle and was furiously striking the match but nothing was happening. Lamenting at how matches are so poorly made these days, I carried the candle into a lit room to try to find some different matches ONLY to realize that I was not striking the flint end if the match!

Man…did I feel dumb. I had to take back all the horrible things I was thinking about the match box manufacturer.

This, of course, had me thinking about other ways I had been wasting my energy and not putting my talents and gifts to best use.

Like the time I’ve wasted wondering why I did not get a gig that I wanted or whether my talents were good enough.

Every time a missed opportunities happened it was because I was barking up the wrong tree…not striking the proper end of the match.

I was not following my own unique gifts and purposes.

Every time I missed “a chance” I was given the space to dig deeper for my truer purpose.

One really good example of this happened about 9 years ago. I was working alongside some people who had invited me to be with them at an O Event where O Magazine was putting on a conference. I was supposed to get a behind the scenes pass to help my mentor who was presenting from the stage. I had to buy my own tickets and pay for my own hotel room but I would have the opportunity to talk to others about my coaching.

ONE day before I was supposed to be in Boston for the event, I got a call from one of my “colleagues” (the one who invited me in the first place) and she says, “I’m not sure how you thought you were invited. We never said that.”

I was devastated but I went anyway since it was my own money on the line.
I nursed my feelings of displacement and tried not to show anger when I saw my “colleagues”.

I am grateful now that those people showed me their true colors.
It forced me to figure out my own path and to strike out on my own.

I can see now that I was striking the wrong end of the match. As hard as I tried to make that opportunity work for me, there was NO FLINT to engage. There was just a lot of nothing. I could not make something from nothing.

I was forced to “make my own flint” and follow my own path.

So the next time you see a missed opportunity, ask yourself if there was any flint there in the first place.
Perhaps you are being asked to look elsewhere, to use your talents elsewhere and to strike out on your own in another place.

Love and light,
Indrani

Ego or preparation?

December 14, 2013featured, homepagebe prepared, be your best, best, choices, do good work, ego, gender based violence, gender violence, give your best, Gratitude, gratitude practice, happiness, how to say no, lessons, life lessons, preparation, right action, right you, self love, shine brightly, youIndrani Goradia

The invitation was issued and I accepted. I was going to be one of the key note presenters at a very significant World Conference.

What would I wear?
How did I want to present myself to the attendees?
These and multitudes of questions rushed into my already overcrowded brain.

I decided that I wanted new luggage.
Luggage, I imagined, was part of the first impression….so I began to shop.
I saw that Tumi had some great designs out there and I had a 20% off coupon.
Ok, not paying full price, already a coup!
I got two pieces, one large and one carry on.
Half of the first impression done. Check.

Next, what would I wear on stage?
I had some very professional clothes that I loved and I thought I was set.
THEN, while window shopping one day, I saw IT!
The ensemble (yes, it was an ensemble and it did feel quite hoity toity to say it) was magnificent.
The colors were pink and orange and gold!
The dress even had a name, Horizon Sunset!
It was by a designer and I have never bought anything designer.
I was “talked into” trying it on.
I was mesmerized
It was perfect.
It would be the ray of sunlight that would lighten my topic of Gender Violence.
It would bring sunshine into the room.
The designer was there and she fitted it to my body. It would be a perfect fit, she said.
The dress arrived two weeks before I was due to leave. I had a final fitting and it was made to fit me perfect.
So, I happily packed my larger suitcase and more happily packed my carry on.
I have my sunshine dress, the shoes to go with it and two more outfits, just in case my luggage gets lost!
First impression… Ready set go!

NOT SO FAST.

Mishap ONE:
The BRAND NEW TUMI carry on BROKE on the first flight and I had to buy a cheap one to take its place! I called Tumi and let them have the full extent of my anger. “So sorry,” she said “we will be happy to fix it!” Really? Can you get me a new one NOW for the rest of my trip? “Ummm….no, but we are really sorry!”

Mishap TWO:
I get to St. Moritz, where I unpacked all my clothes and had them all professionally pressed so as to really make that perfect first impression. The day of my speech, I rest, I meditate and I put on the sunshine dress. I do my thing (and people love the dress!), I go up stairs to change for the dinner event, I take off my lovely dress and THERE… A LARGE GAPING HOLE where a seam ought to be! I was so upset! I let loose some choice words about the designer… and vowed to get every cent of my money back.

What did I learn?

Lesson ONE:
My old luggage was plenty good enough. I did not have to spend more money for new luggage.

Lesson TWO:
The clothes in my closet were plenty good enough and I did not have to suit up in any designer duds to try to impress anyone.

Lesson THREE:
People were coming to hear all the speakers and to be inspired by the good work that everyone was doing. I did not have to do any more than the work I had already done. My work spoke volumes.

Lesson FOUR:
I am cured of designer duds!

I was super disappointed at the stuff that went wrong but at the end of the day, I was happy with my performance and how I handled myself despite all the mishaps.

My work shone more brightly than the designer ensemble and held up under pressure better than the Tumi bag.

Let’s remember what is really important in life…it’s the stuff we DO, not the stuff we own!
I think I allowed my ego to run amok and I got clobbered for it.

Next time, I am shopping my closet and borrowing bags from family members.

Love and light,
Indrani

Feeling like a puppet? CUT the strings, one at a time…

November 16, 2013featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, choices, counseling, courage, create a new life, domestic violence, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, Houston Galveston Institute, how to say no, inner strength, letting go of negative, love yourself, make the change, respect yourself, right action, right you, self love, self respect, shine brightly, standing your ground, start new, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, vulnerability, women's shelters, you, you are worthyIndrani Goradia

When I was in Russia a few years ago on a clown trip, I went to an hour long puppet show.
I really enjoyed that show. The puppets were exquisitely made and the puppeteer had finely honed his craft over 20 years.
This week, as I listen to some of my clients tell me about things they MUST do to make their husbands happy, I felt that I was right back at the puppet show. I could see their husbands pull the strings making them do a dance that made them feel ill, uncomfortable and compromised.

One particular story stands out:
A wife is “made” to be a voyeur while her husband engages in various sexual behaviors with other women.
She is told that at least he is respecting her by not asking her to “do it” with other men.
She feels relieved that she does not have to take other lovers, and she feels violently ill when she has to be the observer. She also feels love for her husband.

This is NOT an easy situation. She is in a sad and painful place.
It seems to me that she is the chief and most important puppet in his puppet show.
If the wife really wants to change the extra circular activities that happen in her life, she can ONLY change her OWN behaviors.
But she loves him.

I can hear you say, “What will he do?”

The short answer is he will do whatever he wants to do.
He has life exactly as he wants it.
She, on the other hand, has a life that has become disgusting to her.
She can only change her actions.
One of the first things she can do is decide which parts of her married life she can still stomach.
She then HAS to get some professional counseling for breaking the news to her husband.
She can find FREE help at various women’s shelters in her local area. In the Houston area, there is an organization called Houston Galveston Institute and they even offer FREE counseling help on Saturdays. No appointment necessary.

She can create a new life. She can even create a new marriage. But it must begin with creating a new sense of self respect.
She can kick start the whole process by making a short list of all the good things she sees in herself.
She can keep adding some positives to her list every day.
She is going to have to remind herself on a daily basis that she is worthy of respect from others and respect from herself.

If you know someone who can use some of the small steps in this blog, please pass it on to her.
You can also tell her to sign up for 5 minutes to happiness, and she will get an e-course that will help her to discover the inner strengths that she has.
Love and light,
Indrani

P.S. As she gets stronger, she will be able to CUT the strings in her mind and she will find freedom.