Tag Archives: stand up for you

Live a Brighter Life – Lesson #1, Setting Boundaries, in Action

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ILF_Wtagline_Logo(Amy Dier and Jeremie Miller will be teaching an Online Live a Brighter Life Class starting April 29th. Sign up here for free! http://indranislight.org/engage/intro-course-live/)

The Live a Brighter Life Classes will change your life.

I realize that is a REALLY big claim to make, and I am not one to overuse hyperbole, so I mean every word.

However, I realize that statements like this are not overly helpful, so I would like to share a personal story from the Setting Boundaries class, and SHOW you how these classes changed my life.

My family and I were eating in a sushi restaurant in Spokane. The restaurant staff was almost all Asian, with the head sushi chef being Caucasian.

At one point, the head sushi chef walked up to one of the waiters and told him to set up four spots in front of him at the sushi bar for some regulars coming in. The waiter, with a thick accent, asked for clarification and the head chef lost it on him.

Holding up four fingers in the waiters face, the head chef shouted “Four people. One. Two. Three. Four. Learn some Engrish”

I was blown away, and in normal circumstances would have just grumbled to my wife about it and continued eating. Then I looked at my son’s shocked and confused eyes. My stomach twisted, and the teachings from the “Setting Boundaries” class popped into my head.

I have a strong boundary around bullying, but I have been very squishy with that boundary. I hold that boundary firm when teaching and working with teenagers, but I don’t hold the boundary strong in everyday life.

Well, that wasn’t going to work this time. I asked to speak with the manager, explained to him what had happened, that I couldn’t believe it was allowed in his restaurant, and that my 6 year old son had witnessed it.

The manager apologized, talked to the chef, and then the chef came over to apologize, telling us that he and the waiter were friends and they were just joking. I still couldn’t drop it (to my surprise) and talked to the chef about violence and abuse and asked if he was 100% sure the waiter was “OK” with being treated like that, and if he had thought about the effect such “jokes” could have on other people listening.

He apologized again and said he would talk to the waiter.

My wife looked at me and asked, “Where did all that come from?”

The only answer I had, “The Live a Brighter Life teaching I am listening to.”

This huge shift in enforcing my own boundaries comes directly from the Setting Boundaries class. If you find yourself in need of strengthening your own boundaries (and who doesn’t need to work on improving boundaries) you can sign up for the Live Online Live a Brighter Life class right now http://indranislight.org/engage/intro-course-live/

We start April 29th. See you there!

Self acceptance…and why it matters.

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selfacceptanceIn the book The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, Nathaniel Branden tells us that “self acceptance is more primitive than self esteem. It is a per rational, per oral act of self affirmation.”

I think in the caveman days it served to say to the tribe that we, too deserve to eat at the fire, to have a place in the cave for shelter and we have a place at the fire for community and camaraderie.

In modern times this means that girls have the right to eat the same healthy food as her brothers and father. She has the same rights for schooling and she has the right to expect and demand that she and her body be respected.

The women in our colleges have the right to NOT be raped. Parents of boys should expect that their favorite sons will be held up to face the music if they violate a women. (See this article about a horrific rape at UVA.)

“Self acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.”

“An attitude of basic self-acceptance is what an effective psychotherapist strives to awaken in a person of even the lowest self esteem. This attitude can inspire an individual to face whatever he or she needs to encounter within without collapsing into self hatred, repudiating the value of his or her person, or relinquishing the will to live. It entails the declaration : “I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist.” This primary act of self affirmation is the base on which self esteem develops.”

When we cannot dig deep enough to uncover this basic self acceptance, we fall prey to what others want to say and do to our minds and our bodies.

We must, at all costs, find the strength to face ourselves and to declare: “This is the day that I stand for ME.”

Will you practice standing up for yourself in small ways?

Maybe at the grocery store, or at the doctors office or perhaps with the your child’s teacher.

If you practice in small places, the larger places will not seem so very dire.

 

Love and light,

 

Indrani


P.S. Read The Six Pillars of Self -Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It is worth every minute of your time.