Tag Archives: teach others

The importance of mentoring our young people.

featured, homepage, News & Updates, , , , , , , , , , ,

Portrait of Young Woman Holding Blank PlacardI recently attended a conference which was populated with amazing, young social entrepreneurs and people ready to make significant change in their world.

Young people concerned with food security for the most vulnerable on the planet, those concerned with helping adolescents with HIV Aids to live a full life and others still who were just looking for a cause.

Here is what I know for sure…

They all need a mentor, a guide who can listen to their thoughts, their visions and their big dreams.

I know this because I so desperately needed mentors through the various stages of my life.

I had great and supportive teachers in high school, in college and graduate school. Then I was in the work world and had no one to turn to for help with my career.

I did not even know what my skills were.

I had no idea what questions to ask or who to turn to for guidance.

As I was wrapping up my presentation from the stage at this conference I said, “I am 61 and I know what it’s like to be working in the dark. I know what it’s like to have a vision that no one else can understand and how easy it is to begin the toxic process of self doubt.”

I offered to be a mentor to those who needed one.

A few young women came up during the course of the weekend and asked me to mentor them and with each request my heart grew wider and warmer and I know what an honor it is to be the attentive ears for these future leaders.

My ask for you is to offer yourself to mentor others.

It does not matter how old or young you are, someone needs what you have.

When I was that small and beaten child in Trinidad, what I would have given to someone to have seen my pain and acknowledged it and given me some soft ears to speak my pain.

I know that it would have made my pain sting less.

Speak up.

Listen well.

Share your strengths.

 

Love & light,

Indrani

Men need to become better leaders…and as a man this is terrifying

featured, homepage, News & Updates, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am sitting with a bunch of guys in a dressing room at the local hockey arena. Everyone is taking a break from a game of men’s floor hockey, drinking a few beers, and telling tall tales.

Then it begins…comments about the wives and women in our lives:

“I came home the other day and the house wasn’t even clean. What the hell is she doing all day while I am at work? Sitting around growing her ass or what”

“I told her I was coming here and it was blah blah blah, you never spend time with me. Of course I don’t, all you do is nag”

“Did you see that girl in the bar Thursday night….she had huge guns, they were amazing”

“I totally took her home, banged her, and showed her the door…”

And so it goes. Degenerating into inappropriate jokes and comments that no one in that room would say in public or outside of a room of a bunch of men drinking beer and kidding around.

Now, with my new realizations around Gender Based Violence, and the treatment of women, I need to stand up and say:

“Ummm….hey guys…this isn’t cool, you know. Aaaahhh…talking about your wives this way isn’t helping how your son sees women. That, ah.. that girl in the bar is someone’s daughter. Do you want someone talking about your daughter that way?”

Silence.

Dumbfounded silence mixed with shock, and looks of “who the hell invited this guy?”

 

Jackson Katz, in the Ted Talk below, clearly explains why focusing on women when talking about gender based violence is wrong, and why this focus needs to shift to men, and what men are doing (and not doing about it). He also clearly explains that men need to become leaders around this topic, and that the true battle will be won, not in public, when we are openly defending women, but within the small groups of men where so much of this harmful talk continues in a “safe zone”.

I hear what Jackson is saying, and it terrifies me. I want to be this leader. I want to make sure my son’s view of women is healthy. I want to protect all the daughters out there. I want to help eliminate violence against women.

Writing for Indrani’s Light Foundation – check.

Helping train others to help women in shelters – check.

Speaking out about gender based violence in social media – check.

Share the message with local schools and other people – check.

Stand up, in the moment, in a group of guys, and call them on their bullshit statements.

Gulp.

That one I NEED to work on, and it isn’t going to be easy.

But I am going to try.

If you are a man, or have men in your life who could use help developing this leadership, and taking this plunge, share Jackson Katz’s video and let’s get started.

Link: http://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?language=en#t-284753

Heat stability, the power to thrive under pressure.

featured, homepage, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

kids-learn-to-be-abusers-300x169

I love having conversations with professionals in different fields of study. One such exchange was with a few chemical engineers, who were explaining to me about chemicals that are heat sensitive or heat stable.

This definition of chemical stability comes from Wikipedia: Chemical stability when used in the technical sense in chemistry, means thermodynamic stability of a chemical system.[1]

Thermodynamic stability occurs when a system is in its lowest energy state, or chemical equilibrium with its environment. This may be a dynamic equilibrium, where individual atoms or molecules change form, but their overall number in a particular form is conserved. This type of chemical thermodynamic equilibrium will persist indefinitely unless the system is changed. Chemical systems might include changes in the phase of matter or a set of chemical reactions.

The instances of abusers going completely crazy  and killing the individuals that they are blaming for the fury makes me think of chemicals that are NOT stable.

Abusers are NOT stable people. We never know when they will fly off in a rage, and decide that they must take drastic action and kill and maim people.

I am not an expert on what happens inside the body when people are in rage.

I am willing to guess that they feel like they MUST react and must react fast. They may feel like the other people are “winning” but if asked they probably cannot even verbalize what the game is that the other is winning!

How can we encourage abusers to learn to be heat stable?

How can we teach them that THEY are the only ones in control of their own behaviors?

How can we empower abusers who have not had any training in self management to be able to manage themselves?

We must start with YOUNG people. We must start in schools. We MUST at least START.

Here at Indranis Light, we have started. We have FREE classes.

Here is the link: http://www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com/

Send the link to someone who is suffering from abuse.

Send the link to the young people in your life.

Send the link to women whom you suspect  are suffering and oppressed.

Do SOMETHING that will cost you nothing. Send the link.

If you are afraid that your friend may never again speak to you, take the chance anyway.

Take the chance. Do something. Send the link.

Here is the link again.

http://www.liveabrighterlife.eventbrite.com/

We are on iTunes. We are FREE on iTunes.

Please do something.

 
Love and light,
Indrani