Tag Archives: truth

Guilty until proven innocent…

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No, that is not a typo.

What happens in our own minds when we feel someone has wronged us?

We immediately sentence them, don’t we? We KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are GUILTY of whatever we are thinking.

There is NO jury that can convince us otherwise.

There is NO ONE who can talk us out of the litany of offenses and the amount of times that they have wronged us. We are the JUDGE and the JURY.

We begin to “build a case” in our minds and we have long running mental tirades with ourselves. We become more and more convinced that they not only committed the crime but they premeditated it and all because they hate us. Yes, we begin to write such far out scripts that soon we don’t even remember what their latest offense was…only that WE WERE ABSOLUTELY OFFENDED!

So let me suggest a way for you to move through this.

When you are:
Pissed off
Ticked off
Frustrated
Very Angry
Ready to Explode
Exploding

Ask yourself this question. WHO must do WHAT to make you feel better?

Fill in the sentence below:

________________________ (insert offender) must do ____________________________ (insert action they must do) so that I can stop being _________________________ (insert emotion). When ____________________ does ____________________ then I will feel___________________________.

Really take your time with these sentences. Read and reread to be sure it accuses the right person and be sure you have determined precisely what they must do to atone for their behaviors/words etc.

Now take a marker and cross out THEIR name and insert the pronoun “I”.
Really? Really? YES, really!

You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Please be aware that this exercise does NOT apply to abuse of any sort.
If you are experiencing any form of abuse PLEASE GET HELP IMMEDIATELY.

If this is NOT about abuse, then these exercises will help you to focus on WHO is in charge of YOUR emotions.

Remember, no one can make you feel anything without your permission.

Love and light
Indrani

 

I forgive myself….

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I forgive myself for holding a grudge against you.

I forgive myself for allowing the past hurt to etch new wounds on old scars.

I have been holding on to a deep grudge for over 20 years. Yes, 20 years and I am quite ashamed to admit it. Even as I express to myself and all who would listen that I have changed, this grudge I will not let go of.

Let’s get it out there. Shall we?

20 plus years ago I was at a funeral and I approached someone with whom I had been feuding. We actually had been feuding together, and doing a great job. A jab here, a sarcastic comment there, a nasty look when we thought no one was paying attention, and so on. We were great adversaries.

At the funeral, I wanted to call it quits and I approached this person and said something to the effect of life being short and we never know when…blah, blah, blah.

I asked if we could drop the past and start over.

They said NO.

They said that I would have to prove myself and my intentions TO THEIR SATISFACTION.

Oh Really?

GAME ON!!!

From that day on, they were my sworn enemy. Every time I got a chance, I was distant and cold and unfriendly and I enjoyed the game. BTW, my opponent was quite formidable.

We would pretend to hug and kiss each other in front of others, but if we saw each other at the store, we would look straight thru each other.

People from far and wide could see the great divide. Neither of us cared!

Fast forward 20 plus years, and I am TIRED OF THE GAME!

If I die tomorrow, I do NOT want to take this well played game to my grave.

I do not want the rules of this game etched onto my heart any more.

What once gave me great joy and guilty pleasure now makes me sad and makes me feel less than human.

YOU WIN… I GIVE UP.

YOU MAY PLAY ALONE.

I AM DONE.

I HAVE NO MORE ENERGY TO INVEST IN HATING/DISLIKING OR MALIGNING YOU.

There, I’ve said it.

It feels good not to have to dig for the hurtful memories and to relay to people the how and whys I am still at war.

I am putting down my weapons.

I will still keep on my armor, especially over my heart, but I will no longer throw offensive or defensive moves.

I will move out of the way of jabs and insults.

I may even say something like, “I am tired of this exhausting game so you win”

 

Now how do I move forward?

I must find the courage to forget all the history. I must find the courage to see God in that person.

I must focus on that person’s good qualities, the ones I admire.

As I focus on their strengths, I will heal myself of all the rancor of the past and hopefully expel the pent up toxicity and enable my heart to be free of past pain.

If I am truthful, they have not been on my radar for quite a while, and it’s only when I am going to be in their presence that my claws want to come out.

So, I will keep my claws nicely manicured and polished and use them as a decorative feature not a hidden weapon.

 

I forgive me.

Such a small sentence.

Such a powerful sentiment.

Congrats to me, I am a courageous being.

 

You all know the lesson here.

Will you step into the courageous act of forgiving yourself for something/s you have done?

Good luck, it may take a while, but it’s worth the journey.

 

Love and light

Indrani

Pure love can take a licking….

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Pure love can take a licking but keeps on ticking.
But only PURE LOVE of one’s OWN SELF.

In other words PURE LOVE is the only true protection. Pure love will and can save us from the hurtful words of others.

If I find myself in a situation where people are berating me and want nothing more than for me to feel bad, remembering that I love myself is the ONLY protection I need. How does this work? I have the ability to hear truth VS lies.

A few years ago, I was accused by a very close family member of being,
and I quote, “a lousy family member, someone who cannot put family
first”.
I heard the words and I quietly said,
“I do not know who you are talking about, because that is not me”.
I then walked away because I was NOT about to defend myself against
false statements. That’s the other thing that pure self love will do for you. It will
save you from self defense when someone is on the offense.

Here’s the way I see it….
They are on the offense for reasons only they know.
They have some kind of the game in mind and I do not know what the
game is or when it will end.
I have not agreed to play.
Therefore no defense is needed.
Just walk away.

Here’s the trick though.
Can I walk away without being angry?
I must work hard to not accept the other person’s anger.
Can I stand in my own self love and not judge the other?

Pure self love will give me the strength to show the world how sweetly
I treat myself and how I expect to be treated by others.
This is something only I can do for myself.
It is something only you can do for yourself.

Pure self love…now there’s a platform on which to stand and
shout: Look out world, I love me, so I can love you!

Step closer for a better view.

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Homeless Sweet Homeless 2 by Pandaphobia

I have seen homeless people at a distance. 
But I took a step closer and this is what I saw.
 
I did not see dirty people
I saw people who looked their best.

I did not see uncaring
I saw people asking about one another.

I did not see solitude
I saw kinship. 

I did not see withdrawal
I saw openness.

I did not see disconnection.
I saw bonding.

I did not see isolation.
I saw communicating.

I did not see self-pity.
I saw self-regard.

I did not see unmotivation
I saw determination

I did not see dumbness
I saw intelligence

I did not see fear
I saw courage.

I did not see aggression.
I saw friendliness.

I did not see disregard.
I saw appreciation.

I did not see scowling faces.
I saw smiles.

 
What I saw? Human beings just like me.

 
Do you have the courage to take a step closer to someone or something to get a better view?

Identification please

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Drivers license, passport, social security card, voters card, military ID, membership card, marriage license, green card. All these cards and documents to say who we are! No wonders we identify ourselves by titles, experiences, positions, status, you name it. We are in a world where we are identified as who we are by a card or piece of paper.

If by the paperwork you need further identification of this person they tell you:

I am a doctor
I am a mother
I am a wife
I am a foreigner….

I do not understand why at a cocktail party I get introduced “..and I would like you to meet Dr. So-And-So. ” Well so this person is a doctor, if he is at the cocktail party he is not doctoring, so does the title matter?

Then to go one step deeper you discover that the person identifies themselves as:

I am a victim
I am a martyr
I am a survivor….

Do we need all this identification?

Doesn’t just being present identify us?

I think that perhaps we are scared to shed those layers of identity in fear of not finding anything. Kinda like peeling away the layers of an onion. If each layer is an identity, if we shed the layers there is nothing in the center. But really it is not that there is nothing there, if we peel our layers of identification off, its that we have to just face the truth of who we really are. The basic essence of ourselves.

Here is something to try, next time you meet a person can you see them for who they are, just a person, and not the identification or title?

It is refreshing to just be with a person with all the identities dropped.

We are people. We all eat, breath, sleep, etc. We all want to be happy, healthy, peaceful and live with ease.

There is no card for that.

Pondering doubt.

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doubt |dout|

noun
a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction

 

My question is:  “Does doubt exist if  you have conviction and  the feeling of uncertainty?”   I say yes and this is why. Conviction is a heart-felt concept.  You feel conviction in your soul.  You just know what is right by you.

 

Uncertainty… ah that is created by the ego.  The ego and the personal identity that goes with it, are uneasy, threatened when the heart convictions don’t go along with the ego-flow.  The ego is concerned about self-importance, stature, power, its about fluff up and puff out your chest, and spread those tail feathers wide.   Hence the cliche “Proud as a peacock”. The ego is about self, “I”. It remembers, evaluates, plans and is the response to the physical & social world.

 

The ego’s entire goal is to drive the bus, to take you to where it thinks you should be.
When the ego and your heart-felt convictions, your truths, do not mesh up that creates uncertainty.

 

Uncertainty is like walking on stair steps in the dark and you are uncertain as you shift your weight on each step.  Do you stay where you think you are stable or teeter down to the next step,  perhaps falling over the step un-sure-footed.  When you shift your weight from the comfort and stability of the ego and move your weight to the heart, the ego is telling you “huh oh, careful, watch out, warning, you could topple over, if you go with your heart you could  _____fill in the blank_____________  and you don’t want that to happen!”

 

This is where faith in your heart comes is.  Faith in listening to your heart, overcoming doubt, to know that next step is not going to take you tumbling.  To follow your heart, your truth, your conviction may cause:  ridicule, despise, anger, resentment, oh and a litany of things, but in the end you can ride out the affects because you know it is your truth, the foundation in which you are firmly planted on.

 

How do you work through your doubt when your ego’s uncertainty teeter-totters with your convictions?

 

National Women’s Equality Day.

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I know that this applies to more than suffrage. But I cannot help but
wonder how courageous the suffragists were to have stepped out from
the shadows of  ” women are not smart enough to vote”.
I think that for every overt suffragist there must have been 100
covert suffragists.

Yes I did pull that statistic out of my head, but it’s as good a guess as any.
Why do I say that?
I say this because I KNOW many women in 2011 who are still afraid to speak their truth.
They say things like ” Oh, I could never say that! At least not out loud!”  and other women
laugh and shake their heads in camaraderie.

Why are we still afraid to speak our truth? What EXACTLY will happen
if we do DECIDE to speak, and make NO mistake, this is a decision.
How many things in your life are you just accepting because it’s tradition?
The suffragists did not accept tradition as acceptable.
What is no longer acceptable in your life but you are ” waiting for the right time” to speak.

Guess what?
The right time is NOW. The first time you feel pain, or a twinge of
injustice, is THE EXACT RIGHT TIME.

Martin Luther King Jr said ” Our lives begin to end, the moment we become silent about things that matter”.

Gandhi said ” First they ignore you
Then they laugh at you
Then they fight you
Then you win.

I say then the victory is that much sweeter because you decided to speak up and be noticed.

I invite you to speak up today about an injustice in your home or life or church or community.

Use any one of the above quotes as you banner statement or find one you like… But take action.
Unless WE WOMEN do something about gender inequality, NOTHING will be done.

Is that acceptable to us?

What can we change by this day 2013.
Let’s do it, if not for us for our daughters!
Please, the time is now.

Love and light
Indrani

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

Is your mobile phone more important that your child?

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I was in a store the other day and overheard this: “Sit down and be quiet, you cannot disturb your mother while she shops” said a male voice. Then I saw that mom was about 8 months pregnant and sent her some silent blessings and good energy. It was hot, her belly was heavy and she needed nursing bras. Been there…it’s not so much fun!

As I was leaving the store, I saw the father happily playing on the telephone as the 2-1/2 or 3 year old just SAT alone, STARING into space. I opened the door…and then changed my mind. I went over to the sweet little boy and gave him a magazine from the shelf with these LOUD words, “Here honey, it’s not a KIDS magazine but there are some pretty pictures”. Dad smiled at me and then I said, still looking and smiling at the little one “Dad, give your son the telephone so he can play games and you sit and stare into space” and I left.

PEOPLE what are we doing? I see moms pushing babies in strollers and talking on cell phones. What is so damned important? Is EVERYONE a brain surgeon?

I hear parents complaining that their teenagers sit at the dinner table texting and ignore the family. Where are they learning it? What are we modeling for this generation?

It is the ADULTS who are modeling how, when, and where to use cell phones. The kids are SIMPLY following our leads.

I have a challenge for my readers:

  •  If you have young kids, do not talk on the cell phone when you are supposed to be actively parenting.
  • If your kids are grown and you see a young mom ignoring their young kids to chat on the phone, go up and engage the child and ask mom if she’s having an emergency and needs help.
  • If you see a father ignoring his children to be on the phone, find a way to say something.

If we all just shake our heads and say “who’s minding the kids while we chat away?” then NOTHING will change.

 Maybe these parents were themselves ignored. So let’s save a generation. Let’s speak up for the little ones so that they get as much parent time as they get free minutes.

Here’s a great guide to the time you spend with your kids:

  • Take a stab at the NUMBER of QUALITY hours you have given your kids over the past few months. Write it down. Look at the last 6 months of cell phone usage and take the average and compare the two numbers.

Guess what? If you are on the phone, you are not engaged with your kids.

I hope that is a wake-up call for this generation of parents. If you do not change, please do not complain that your kids are ignoring you when they are all grown up. After all, you must ask yourself “where did they learn to ignore their families so brilliantly?”

Maybe we should all just be looking in the mirrors.

 

Love and light from Indrani

The Frustration of Wasn’t

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I am not sure whose problem it is or if there are actually two problems in the tale of the Frustration of Wasn’t….

Today while walking in around the neighborhood I was feeling  resentful, thinking of old emotional wounds that have never really  healed properly.

I try hard to please others mainly because it also pleases me.  I like  to do things for others.  However there are times when my acts of  kindness and love are looked upon as what they weren’t.

For example, I gave a very thoughtful (in my opinion) and expensive gift to someone who said they loved it, however complained about the things it wasn’t.

I took the responsibility of doing some painting, updating a bathroom in my house, only to be criticized on what the project wasn’t.

And it is funny as I write this, that my husband who seems to only see the things for what they aren’t, weren’t or wasn’t, has a vision of  the glass being half empty. Which is not a great way to go through life.

Then I am frustrated and disappointed that my efforts fall short of  the mark in his eyes.

So the answer is, there are actually two problems in the tale of the Frustration of Wasn’t.  The first is his problem. I cannot change his view of things, I can only  be responsible for my own reaction.  The second is my problem. He is not responsible for my  feelings of diminished self worth.

Ironically, this type of frustration of wasn’t, wasn’t what I signed up for!

Who is making you uncomfortable?

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Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”

“You have enough leverage to really make a difference.”

“What would happen if you doubled the amount you donated?”

“Could you set aside the fear and go faster?”

“I know you’re holding back…”

It takes love and kindness and confidence to bring the truth to a friend you care about. If you’re insulating yourself from these conversations, who benefits?

-Seth Godin