The most frustrating situations occur when hard decisions have to be made. The decision is obvious, yet it is of the anticipated reactions by others that causes the frustration and pain.
Perhaps if we did not pre-determine the reactions in our heads, we could make the right decision easily, and then have the clear mind and heart to deal with the repercussions, if they occur at all.
It is a common line used in the break-up of a relationship. Often this line leaves the other person thinking it is really “them”. We use this line to soften the blow when we end the relationship, but we really think it is “them”.
The line “It’s not you, its me” is true however, it is about “me” and it should be about “me”. We should not judge others in their habits, idiosyncrasies, etc. and blame them.
It is hard to accept blame ourselves for who and what we are, so we think to ourselves that it is “them”. But it is not.
We have to realize and accept the truth within ourselves, and admit, yes it is ME!
Are VICTIMS promotable?
What is the definition of VICTIM?
What is YOUR definition of victim?
Victims feel that things are being done to them!
There is traffic on the road and the victim might say: “Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?” The other day I was at my doctors office and someone walked in frazzled and loudly said, “This town hates me. All the lights were red and that is why I am late.” She brushed past everyone in the waiting room loudly sighing as she continued to complain.
What did she want?
What was this behavior doing for her?
What was she expecting from the people with whom she was interacting?
In my work, I often find that victims want to draw people into their story and want attention of some kind. When the victim does not get the reaction they desire, they quickly move onto the next person in line and the story begins all over again. A victim may even feel victimized if someone does not slather them with the right amount of attention. This could sound like: “Can you believe I poured out my heart to her and she said NOTHING?” Victims have a rule book about how the rest of the world should behave.
Why do I know that?
Because I used to be the best victim you could ever want to meet. If it was raining, it was personal. If the sun was too hot, that too was personal. If my boss was a screamer (and she was!), instead of handling it, I expected my boyfriend to just join the bitchfest. God forbid that the poor boyfriend tried to offer suggestions… then he too was trying to victimize me!
Would you like to know if you play the victim role more often than not? Take inventory of your friends, make a list of the people you spend time with here
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And on a scale of one to ten rate these friends on the amount of time they spend complaining about their situations…their lives and jobs and friends and family. There is a GOOD chance that if you are surrounded by victims, you are also living in YOUR victim more than you know.
Want to know how to change?
Find someone who you admire, who does not allow victimhood into their lives and ask to meet with them and ask them how they do it.
Why would you want to get a handle on how victim like you are?
Simply because victims are not fun to be around and if you want to attract better friends, a better job or a better life, you MUST get a handle of this feeling like a victim thing!
So, in your opinion, Are victims promotable?
During our last Chat n Chai I coached on How to be a Victor instead of a victim, if you were unable to participate, you can Register here to get the Recording, Tools & Tips.
“Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.” -Elvis Presley
How true is that? We know the truth, and yet we try cover it up with the curtains material goods, cloud the truth with addictive behaviors. A rain of tears cannot stop the the truth from shining through. We act cold and try to ignore the truth, yet the warmth of it eventually melts our defenses. Once we accept the truth, like the sun, we radiate, bask and shine! So we need to ask ourselves, do we prefer to be in the dreary weather, slumped shouldered and heavy with ignoring our truth, or stand expansive and light in the sunshine of our being?
A Few years ago, while my children were in elementary school, one of my neighbors had a Christmas cookie exchange.
This woman had just applied to our school for her daughter and had not been accepted. NOTICE I did not say rejected. NO ONE CAN REJECT YOU WITH OUT YOUR PERMISSION!
As the evening progressed, and the wine flowed and the gossip… oops… “talk” became more dramatic, this woman, lets call her Janet, had a big revelation about our school.
This was it… she KNEW on excellent AUTHORITY, that our High School Kids were ALL having sex behind the Gym.
REALLY?
” YES” she expounded ” REALLY!”
There were several Moms at this party whose kids went to the school in question. I noticed that NOT a SINGLE one of us tried to refute this woman… including myself. She went on and on and…. then something came to life in me!
I KNEW that taking her on directly would be a mistake. Then it would be a side show. So here is what the conversation looked like for the next few minutes…
Me ” Wow Janet, this is really BAD. This school is really allowing such behavior?”
Janet ” Yes, it is and that is why we have decided that it is a GOOD thing that we will not be going there!”
Me” I am so grateful to you for pointing this out. I don’t know if you KNOW that I am GREAT friends with the Head Master and The Admissions Director”… I was not this was a LIE!… ” so I am going to call them up tomorrow and tell them what YOU have DISCOVERED and tell them to CALL you for more details, since you clearly are CONCERNED for our High School Kids. And I will also TELL them that you are RELIEVED that you were REJECTED” by the school. OH Janet, Thanks for caring for our kids.”
YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!
All eyes were trained on her and we all waited for her response.
Her jaw dropped to the ground and NO WORDS were coming out of her mouth.
She tried to catch her breath and finally said
” Well, I , umm, well I don’t think, well you see I really don’t…” I went to get some more wine and I did not hear what else she had to say.
I left shortly after and did not get invited to any more cookie exchanges.
PLEASE do yourself a favor this holiday
When someone presents you with AN IRREFUTABLE TRUTH… please take a page from my book and offer to do them a favor by broadcasting it to their whole world!
WHY?
BECAUSE IF SOMETHING IS TRUE… IT IS TRUE and we should stand by it! Otherwise it is malicious gossip and that is toxic to our soul.