Tag Archives: truthful speech

Angry, humorless or just plain bitchy

“… strong professional women of all races are at risk of being classified as angry or humorless or just plain bitchy. Studies have shown that men who get angry are often rewarded in their career, while women who express anger tend to be penalized.” -Ilyse Hogue.

This quote hardly needs any more explanation… except for HOW to handle this in our lives and in the work place. The way we treat anger personally and professionally is directly related to HOW we were taught to react by our parents or guardians. I remember very clearly that shouting and screaming were par for the course in my family of origin, but only for the adults, we kids would get slapped if we said a word.

As I grew up, every time someone yelled at me, even though I was an adult I felt childlike and immediately clamped up. I evolved into being the shouter and the yeller until I realized that I was only harming myself.

It is quite easier to “control” ourselves at work, as the social norm is to go along to get along.

What happens if you do let loose and people start labeling you? Can you open the conversation with them about the labels?

Not really, BUT you can open the conversation about the labels they put on others. This way you are just creating a small crack in the social façade and your wisdom can shine a light thru the crack.

So try standing up for others and you will feel a lot better even if you don’t have anyone to stand up for you.

 

Love and light

Indrani

P.S. I did notice that people brought their problems to me to solve because I was that Bitch who wouldn’t take crap. Interesting, don’t ya think?

 

Who is making you uncomfortable?

Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”

“You have enough leverage to really make a difference.”

“What would happen if you doubled the amount you donated?”

“Could you set aside the fear and go faster?”

“I know you’re holding back…”

It takes love and kindness and confidence to bring the truth to a friend you care about. If you’re insulating yourself from these conversations, who benefits?

-Seth Godin

Vulnerability is not a bottomless pit…

Rather it is a very shallow pool of very cold water…. Means you are in discomfort for only a short while. If you stay with the feeling of being vulnerable long enough, your body temp begins to warm up your surroundings.  Pretty  soon you are back to your normal level of courage BUT you have grown from the challenge,  instead of pushing the feeling away and always living under the thought

“OH  NO what if this happens again, what will I do?”

If it happens again, you will know what to do because you did not run from the lesson the last time around.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say someone asks you a question about an element of your work or expertise and you do not know the answer.

You can BS your way thru and you can make up some good theory and say “PHEW that’s over ”

OR

You can say…

” Let me get back to you about this because I do not have that answer at the tip of my fingers…” and show that even YOU an expert in your field can admit to not have all the answers.

If I choose the BS route and avoid the vulnerable feeling THEN I have to remember exactly what BS I used the next time this same thing comes up or I run the risk of not only being vulnerable but being inauthentic and flaky.

Showing vulnerability in one area does not make you devoid of smarts in all other areas.  If you have thoughts like, what if I admit to not knowing, will they think I am ignorant in all other areas? They will not UNLESS you first broadcast that kind of energy.

Nothing erodes self confidence quicker than inauthenticity.

How would you take one step into your vulnerability?

You really have to KNOW what vulnerability feels like to you.

Where in your body do you feel the stirrings or the bashing over the head of vulnerability?

Being aware of what your body does in the midst of feeling vulnerable is the very first step towards making vulnerability your friend.

You have to become aware of your own self and your own reactions.This takes a little time to do some SELF research.

S…specificity…with the feelings awhile. Take notes about the feelings, keep a vulnerability journal, but write in it as a court reporter would, be a CSI of your own body.

E…examine…what your body is doing. As you journal, be very specific with all the physical feelings that you are experiencing and try not to judge them. Try not to call any of the feelings STUPID or try not to say “I Should Know Better”.

L…letting the feelings be investigated with real curiosity. Bring infinite curiosity to your physical feelings. Unpack them as eagerly and as slowly as you would open a gift from Tiffanys.

F…firm up your resolve to NOT run away from the moment. Just like you would not think of throwing that lovely piece of jewelry from Tiffanys into the discard pile, do not discard the intense level of KNOWING that you are feeling.

Then stand in your authentic vulnerability instead of the inauthenticity of feeling invulnerable to the trials and tribulations of this very human existence.

If you can befriend vulnerability, the world is your oyster and the pearls are the incidents that you used to stump your toe upon.

A lesson in Truth vs Honesty

Have you seen the recent television ad with Abe Lincoln and his wife? She asks him if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat. Honest Abe timidly with his hands indicates “a little”, and she storms off.

Is honest Abe really being honest or is he being truthful?

Truth is, as true or actual state of a matter.
Honesty is being honourable in principles, intentions and actions. One can be truthful in what they say, but not honest in their intent.

For example:
“Do these jeans make me look fat?”
“No, the jeans don’t make you look fat!”

(The responder is telling the truth, it’s not the jeans that make the wearer look fat. But if they were being honest they would have replied, “No, the jeans don’t make you look fat – it’s just you that’s fat!”)

So good ole Honest Abe, was not being so honest, he was being truthful.

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers…

are starving to death… Mame from Auntie Mame

Here is my take on this famous quote~

Life is full of JOYFUL moments and most people are too worried about what people will say or think to take the risk to grab the JOY.

View the video below…

[youtube width=”280″ height=”178″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJjZMIMJLA[/youtube]

This shows a flash mob that I was brave enough to organize. My dear friends Patty and Bindya jumped on the band wagon and we were all willing to look foolish while creating JOY for our community.

Who will you depend on to take a risk with you so that you can grab some joy?

Who can you depend on to NOT dismiss your dream for JOY?

These are worthwhile questions to think about…

Take a moment to think about your JOY TEAM.  Check out our next iamjoy event

Love and Light.

Elvis Presley once said…

“Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.” -Elvis Presley

How true is that? We know the truth, and yet we try cover it up with the curtains material goods, cloud the truth with addictive behaviors. A rain of tears cannot stop the the truth from shining through. We act cold and try to ignore the truth, yet the warmth of it eventually melts our defenses. Once we accept the truth, like the sun, we radiate, bask and shine! So we need to ask ourselves, do we prefer to be in the dreary weather, slumped shouldered and heavy with ignoring our truth, or stand expansive and light in the sunshine of our being?

You can’t handle the truth…

Spoken by Colonel Jessop in A Few Good Men

Can YOU handle the TRUTH?

Want to know the truth about your very special gifts?
Head on over to www.indranislight.org and sign up for Chat n Chai and you will get a great coaching tool called 5 minutes to happiness and you will uncover all those character traits you have been hiding under a rock.

This rock is called You Are Not Good Enough!

Can you handle the truth of how very special and wonderful you are?

I believe you can

So click

www.indranislight.org and go chat and chai to get your special coaching tool.

Love & Light

A BILL OF RIGHTS FOR DREAMS…

Dear (insert your name)

I am every one of your Dreams. I want to tell you about my Bill of Rights, you see, you may have forgotten that I have a Bill of Rights!

I do not mean to offend you BUT I want you to know that

  1. I deserve to be let out of the darkness of non-fulfillment
  2. I have something wonderful to teach the world
  3. YOUR Joy is my ONLY concern
  4. I Know that you are doing your best, allow me to be my best
  5. My work is VERY important

I know that there are more years than you care to remember when you were too tired to invest thought and energy into making me real. I want to tell you that 2011 is the year of my coming OUT.

I have tried to get your attention by displaying odd behaviors such as

over eating,

chronic fatigue

depression

anxiety

you get the idea.

I really thought that if you felt uncomfortable you would figure it out and take some real action. BUT you think that another diet,more material stuff,affairs, and a better body can fix the sadness. You have learned that this only makes it worse.

PLEASE, please take some time to sit in meditation and listen to me! Please, if you listen to what I have to say I can really help you out of the pickle you are in.

If you choose to NOT listen, I will take more drastic action until I get your attention.

Sincerely

Your Dreams!

NO NO NO NO NO… how to hold to your NO and respect the other!

OK, here it is. Early morning call from a company that I had sent in a BIO to. I sent in my info because the offer said ” NO PURCHASE REQUIRED!”

The caller was delightful, she is from NY and so am I. She loves NY and so do I. She asked me lots of questions about my business, my career and hobbies and THEN

” Well Indrani, we have over 4000,000 members that you can network with so for $793.00 you can have a lifetime membership and you never have to apply again.”

I reply” I must speak with my business partner first…”

She continues” you know we have lost of people to speak to and if we waited for everyone we would never get the book published”

I say, ” In that case this is not for me”

We go back and forth, I get offered a 500.00 deal but she will throw in the add ons… NO

Again another offer, ok we have a 300.00…. NO

I say” Thank you for doing such a great job of giving me a wonderful chance to stand in my NO”.

She is taken aback but only for a moment ” I just want you to hear how great this opportunity is, 1000’s of people apply and we only accept a few…”

I say” I am hearing you, but you do not seem to be hearing me when I say NO”

I eventually complimented her on the great job she did for the company in attempting to convert me from a possibility into a paying client. She is a great employee. She had all her reasons down pat as to why I SHOULD buy her item!

I still may buy, but first I will do my research. I will not be squeezed into giving my money away.

Here is the anatomy of How to Stick to your NO

1. KNOW why you are saying NO.

2. Know what you are saying YES to when you say your NO.

3. Compliment the asker so they do not take it as a personal rejection.

4. Repeat your NO as OFTEN as it takes for you to be HEARD!

5. If none of the above works… then hang up/leave the room/close off your energy. And DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF FOR BEING A BAD PERSON.

Love and light

Indrani