Tag Archives: use your voice

Grand Theft Auto 5 – A letter to my son….

January 22, 2015featured, homepageabuse, child, children, choices, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, respect, respect others, teach our children, use your voice, video game violence, violenceJeremie Miller

Fionn,

Dad here, remember me? I need to talk to you about something important, so look me in the eyes and listen up (yes, this is one of the “look me in the eyes” type of talks).

Remember when we started playing video games? Remember how concerned your Mom was with the amount of time we played video games and the effect that might have on you, and how I told her that was crazy, video games weren’t bad for you?

Yeah, well, you and I know that I am almost always right, but, I might have been wrong on the whole “video games aren’t bad for you” bit, and I don’t say that lightly.

As you know I spent a great deal of my childhood playing video games: Atari 2600, Intellivision, Colecovision, Super Nintendo, Playstation, Windows Computers, Amiga, Commodore 64; I played most of them.

I also spent a great deal of my time in the 90s defending video games, content in video games, and violence in video games. Fighting against people who said that content in video games could affect how people acted in real life.

For the most part, I still think this is true….but…but…after watching this video I am not sure how I feel about my old arguments. I am not sure how anyone could make a game that allows you to do these things, and if games like this are selling millions, and gamers have a desire to do these things in a game, I have to wonder where gaming culture is headed, how gamers will behave in the future, and whether you and I should even be a part of this group.

I want you to watch this video Fionn. I want you to realize that, even though this is “just a game”, these actions are wrong. Wrong on so many different levels. They are wrong in the Real World AND they are also wrong in a Virtual World.

(Please Note: this video is Not Safe For Work and contains disturbing images)

Now, I am not going to go so far as to say: “some kid will play this video game and it will make him go out and pay for a hooker, then kill that hooker with an axe”. What I am willing to say is: “some kid will play this video game and think that women, and how he treats women, aren’t important, and someone’s daughter may end up hurt because of this game”.

Fionn, this video makes me embarrassed to be a gamer, and it should make you embarrassed to be one too.

I don’t want you to stop playing video games, but I want you to think (and tell your friends to think too) about the games you play and what happens in them. If a game disrespects women like Grand Theft Auto Five I don’t want you brushing it off, or thinking that it is OK. I want you to stop playing, tell people it isn’t acceptable, and stand up for the boys and girls that could be hurt by disgusting content like this.

Can you promise to do that Fionn?

Love,

Dad

One simple act…..

January 21, 2015featured, homepagebully, bullying, child, children, choices, Compassion, courage, do one thing, end violence in our schools, fear, gender based violence, gender violence, life lessons, love others, love yourself, no more bullying, respect, right action, shine brightly, use your voice, vulnerability, youIndrani Goradia

Change the world with ONE simple act….like opening a door consistently.

What a guy!

Can we all be more like him?
http://www.wimp.com/simplething/

Stopping sexism towards men – A solution for gender based violence?

January 14, 2015featured, homepage, Uncategorizedbest, choices, Compassion, courage, domestic violence, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, Laci Green, love others, respect, right action, right speech, sexism, Sexism affects everyone, sexism and guys, Stop domestic violence, use your voice, violence, youJeremie Miller

Sexism is a term normally associated with women. It affects women in the workplace, on the street, in the media; it affects women in so many different ways, that we often forget an important piece of the sexism puzzle:

Sexism affects everyone: bisexuals, transgender, lesbians, gay men, and yes, even straight men.

Watch Laci Green as she unpacks and explores the idea of sexism against men and the effect it is having on everyone.

Watch and imagine what effect it would have on gender based violence if men no longer felt that they NEEDED to hide emotions, be powerful, and do manly things like fight, fix things, and have lots of sex to prove how masculine they are.

Could part of the solution be as easy as realizing that: there is no man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender. There are humans.

Have you ever been sexist towards a man? If you are one of our male readers, have you ever experienced sexism?

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Whose behaviour are you misdiagnosing?

January 7, 2015featured, homepageADHD, best, child, children, choices, Compassion, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, look deeper, respect, responsibility, use your voiceJeremie Miller

Getty Images

“What does it look like when you put [a traumatized] kid in a classroom? When people don’t understand there’s been a tiger in your life, it looks a lot like ADHD to them.” – Dr. Heather Forkey

This quote comes from the last line of a recent article published about the misdiagnosis of childhood trauma as ADHD (you can read the full article here.)

Rushed doctor’s not taking enough time with patients, teachers and parents looking for a quick solution, families hiding the reality of their home life, and a lack of support for children experiencing trauma have all contributed to the possible misdiagnosis of ADHD, when in reality the child is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to trauma.

Which raises an interesting question for all of us in our everyday lives: who have we misdiagnosed with a rushed and incorrect label in our own lives?

We call the neighbor’s teenage daughter that “gets around” promiscuous (if we are being nice) and a “slut” (if we are not being nice).

We call the boy in the Motley Crue jacket, smoking cigarettes a “thug” and walk on the other side of the road.

We call the lawyer at the party, who pushes everyone away with her know-it-all behaviour, a snob.

The child who never has lunch at school and wears old, torn clothes “just comes from a poor family”.

The bully in the playground is “big for his age, and pushy”.

The little boy, bouncing off the walls at the grocery store while his mother screams “must have ADHD”.

What if each of these people has a deeper story that we are ignoring?

Dr. Nicole Brown, Dr. Heather Forkey and their colleagues are working hard to change the landscape of ADHD diagnosis, hoping that they can teach professionals to look deeper, go beyond the quick and simple diagnosis and find what may really be going on with some of these kids.

You may not be a professional, but doesn’t taking more time and going deeper with your own “diagnosis” of people seem like a good idea?

How could your life, and their life, be different if you did?

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Female Avatars – Helping teach about gender equality?

December 17, 2014featured, homepagebe a role model, be present, best, child, children, choices, Compassion, courage, gender based violence, gender equality, gender violence, make a shift, respect, right action, teach your children, use your voiceJeremie Miller

“Why are you playing as a girl?”

“I’m not, it is just a boy with long hair.”

“Oh, ok. Can I watch?”

This conversation between me and my son seems innocent enough, and, a few months ago, before starting to work with Indrani’s Light Foundation, it probably would have remained in my brain filed away as “not a big deal.”

But, through my work with the Live a Brighter Life training, corresponding with the ILF Team, and the research I have done for articles and blog posts, this was no longer a casual comment by my son. It worried me.

Why at the age of seven was he cautious when he thought my character’s avatar was a girl, but excited to watch me play when he discovered I was playing the game as a boy?

My mind quickly returned to another conversation we had also had about Tamora Pierce’s “Song of the Lioness Quartet”, a series of books we were thinking of reading, until my son found out the protagonist was a girl.

This was now the start of a pattern and it worried me even more.

So, I did the only thing I could think of to, hopefully, change my son’s view and start some conversation:

I deleted my character and made a new one, this time a female character.

It didn’t take long for my son to notice. The next time he came to the basement while I was playing the game we had another conversation.

“Where’s your other character?”

“I got rid of him and made this one.”

“Is that a GIRL?”

“Yes it is a girl”

“Why are you playing as a girl?”

“Because I think she is way cooler than my first character. She is a warrior and uses this big sword and charges into the bad guys to fight”

Long pause.

“Can I watch?”

Will my playing a female, instead of male, character make a huge difference in how my son perceives gender roles and stereotypes? I have no idea. But I figure it can’t hurt and we are at least talking about it now and can continue to talk about it when he watches me play.

Equally important, this video game and conversation has me realizing areas in my life where I am modeling behavior that is supporting gender stereotypes and inequality and I need to change that.

Asasha Veil, my female character, is at least one step in the right direction.

Does making a small change like this help? What seemingly small changes could you make to help model gender equality? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

Using BREATH as a power tool…

December 13, 2014featured, homepagebreath, breathe deep, choices, domestic violence, end gender violence, gender violence, right action, take a deep breath, truthful speech, use your voice, youIndrani Goradia

Use your breath as a power tool….it’s free and it’s yours to use as you need.

I was wandering around Manhattan the other day and I was window shopping.

Suddenly I felt myself drawn to a store and wandered inside.

I began to look at some of the merchandise and struck up a conversation with the owner of the shop.

He limped over to his desk and I said, “What did you do to your leg?”

He limped back over to me and told me the story.

Here is the short version…

He was hit on the street by a car and it’s a neighbor and he is going to court in a few days to establish liability so he can file a damage suit.

He then began to rile himself up about how his wife really botched the deposition and he wanted to kill her for saying stupid things and I said “STOP.”

I began to ask questions about his trial and allowed him to blow off some steam.

I then asked, “Do you want me to help you to stay calm tomorrow on the stand?”

He said, “YES!”

The first thing I said was this, “I need you to keep angry thoughts about your wife OUT of your mind. What’s done is done. I need you to keep thinking good thoughts about her. I also need for you to stop thinking words like “crucify ” and “I’m done in” etc. When you are in court, use your breath to provide space between your responses. Do not spit out your answers like a dog who is panting. Take your time. If the judge says to hurry up, say you want to respond responsibly and truthfully.”

I do not know if he will take my advice but here’s what I do know. He may not have lambasted his wife as he was getting ready. He may hear my words in his head. I may have averted some very awful verbal abuse in their household when he went home.

Can I be sure?

Never. There is never an “I am sure.”

This is what I can be sure about. My mission is always present. I am always looking for an opportunity to guide. I was lead into that store and lead to that owner and I did what I do naturally.

When we are on mission, we are ALWAYS on mission.

Don’t leave your mission at home the next time you venture out. Take it with you.

Love & light,

Indrani

A lesson from our neighbors…..

November 22, 2014featured, homepagechoices, Compassion, courage, end gender violence, gender based violence, gender violence, life lessons, respect, right action, use your voiceIndrani Goradia

When we raise our voices in unison to support our competition it is the highest human connection.

Can we envision a day when everyone everywhere raises their voice to say,

“No More Violence against women! Ever!”

“No more abuse to children.”

I will continue to dream of this world.

No one told the Canadians to sing the US Anthem when the sound system broke. They JUST DID IT.

Please, let’s Just End Violence.

Let’s Be The Change.

Love & light,

Indrani

Children see…..children do.

November 19, 2014featured, homepagebest, child, children, choices, domestic violence, gender based violence, gender violence, influence, positive influence, teach, teach our children, use your voice, youIndrani Goradia

Are you a positive influence on the children around you?

Rape IS A CRIME!

October 18, 2014featured, homepageabuse, choices, courage, domestic violence, end gender violence, forced marriage, gender based violence, gender violence, rape, use your voiceIndrani Goradia

“Rape within marriage is not illegal in India which says everything about the position of women. We are donated for marriage rather than enter it as a partner. The ownership is with the man and whatever he does after marriage is acceptable”, said Ranjana Kumari, a women’s rights campaigner who lobbied members of parliament on the issue.

If the above statement does NOT grab you and make you feel like choking, I do not know what will.

That women are “donated” in marriage, to do with as the partner damn well pleases is both frightening and inhuman.

How can we enlighten our “educated” leaders who sit in Governments, in Courts and in Village councils everywhere to see and hear the inexcusable torture that is reflected in this statement?

If having mothers and sisters and daughters of their own is NOT enough to force the courts to take a tough stance or to force the responsible powers to change the laws what will?

Women will have to take to the streets in droves to demand the rights to their own bodies.

As it stands, there are NOT ENOUGH women for all the eligible males in India to marry and some of eligible men are lucky to get a wife.

On top of that, some of those LUCKY enough to have a wife, will mistreat her and torture her?

What must we do, say, to end such abominable behavior by these unthinking men?

I do not have the answers to these questions, BUT we must put our heads together and find some.

Please begin to try to answer these questions for yourself.

Love and light,

Indrani

Playing Hide and Seek with Gender Based Violence in your world

October 15, 2014featured, homepageabuse, an empowered no, choices, courage, domestic abuse, domestic violence, domestic violence awareness month, end GBV, end gender based violence, Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, GBV, gender based violence, gender violence, love yourself, self love, self respect, standing your ground, use your voice, youJeremie Miller

It struck me today that one of the first steps we all must take in the fight against gender based violence is to start actively paying attention and noticing gender based violence.

How we each do this will be different, but for me, since starting my work at ILF, it means filtering the world through a new lens and quietly asking myself “was that gender based violence?” or “is there a message here about gender based violence?”

When someone like TMZ decides to post a video that is an extreme and obvious case of gender based violence (as in the Ray Rice situation) it is easy for everyone to say “well yes, that was a case of gender based violence, we need to do something about it.”

But what about all of the non-obvious, non-in-your-face examples?

What about the two kids that I always see playing in the local playground, sometimes with their 2 year old sister. Why do they NEVER want to be at home?
What about the gym teacher at the local high school who constantly smirks at his male students when one of the more well-endowed girls jogs by in class?
What about the sad little girl who went to the day home next door to my house that nobody noticed until the caregiver’s husband went to jail last year for molesting her?

If we are observing the world like everyone else all of these may slip below our radar.

But, if we start actively watching for gender based violence (and I am not saying this is easy, so take care of yourself) the number of incidents starts to become more and more clear, and it is only then we start to realize how important the commitment to ending gender based violence really is.

So, what was it that struck me today and brought this realization into the light?

The song Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This song has been out since 2007 and is tied as the longest-running song on the Modern Rock Tracks chart at 52 weeks. I have heard it countless times and thought nothing about it other than “great song, I like it”.

Today I watched the music video, with my new found GBV filter, and, wow, was I missing the point:

Link: http://youtu.be/6Ux6SlOE9Qk

Share your ideas about making gender based violence more obvious to the world in the comments below.

Love & light,

Jeremie Miller

ILF Team Member & Guest Blogger

Indrani’s Light Foundation

Supporting Advocates to Support Others

Tag Archives: use your voice

Grand Theft Auto 5 – A letter to my son….

One simple act…..

Stopping sexism towards men – A solution for gender based violence?

Whose behaviour are you misdiagnosing?

Female Avatars – Helping teach about gender equality?

Using BREATH as a power tool…

A lesson from our neighbors…..

Children see…..children do.

Rape IS A CRIME!

Playing Hide and Seek with Gender Based Violence in your world

Give to Indrani’s Light Foundation