Tag Archives: you

Guilty until proven innocent…

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No, that is not a typo.

What happens in our own minds when we feel someone has wronged us?

We immediately sentence them, don’t we? We KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are GUILTY of whatever we are thinking.

There is NO jury that can convince us otherwise.

There is NO ONE who can talk us out of the litany of offenses and the amount of times that they have wronged us. We are the JUDGE and the JURY.

We begin to “build a case” in our minds and we have long running mental tirades with ourselves. We become more and more convinced that they not only committed the crime but they premeditated it and all because they hate us. Yes, we begin to write such far out scripts that soon we don’t even remember what their latest offense was…only that WE WERE ABSOLUTELY OFFENDED!

So let me suggest a way for you to move through this.

When you are:
Pissed off
Ticked off
Frustrated
Very Angry
Ready to Explode
Exploding

Ask yourself this question. WHO must do WHAT to make you feel better?

Fill in the sentence below:

________________________ (insert offender) must do ____________________________ (insert action they must do) so that I can stop being _________________________ (insert emotion). When ____________________ does ____________________ then I will feel___________________________.

Really take your time with these sentences. Read and reread to be sure it accuses the right person and be sure you have determined precisely what they must do to atone for their behaviors/words etc.

Now take a marker and cross out THEIR name and insert the pronoun “I”.
Really? Really? YES, really!

You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Please be aware that this exercise does NOT apply to abuse of any sort.
If you are experiencing any form of abuse PLEASE GET HELP IMMEDIATELY.

If this is NOT about abuse, then these exercises will help you to focus on WHO is in charge of YOUR emotions.

Remember, no one can make you feel anything without your permission.

Love and light
Indrani

 

Upping our JOY Q…Our joy quotient is woefully low!

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I once took a philosophy class in college and the teacher asked us to define happiness.

I remember saying that it was an illusion and that people who said they were happy were liars. I also said that if people can find a little happiness, it would be fleeting and can never last.

Fast forward 30 years and I have completely and irrevocably changed my mind. As a matter of fact, it feels more like I have healed my mind and in the process healed my spirit.

Over the past few years I have been steeping myself in the study of and the living of Joy. Last year, I even went as far as to do a virtual joy event called Unpasteurized Joy. It was a series of conversations with many different folk from the very famous, like Dr Patch Adams, to the absolutely non-famous, like yours truly. I asked every person to speak of joy and how their work contributes to joy in our world.

Focusing so intently on joy over that past few years has allowed me to stay focused on the good in my life, even as challenges continue to flow in and through, and I am able to keep negativity at bay.

Recently, I heard from a colleague of mine who had surgery and she told me that while she was in recovery she listened to all 26 joy recordings. She said that it really helped her. Thanks Catherine, for sharing this lovely bit of information. It warmed my heart.

My challenge to you is to keep upping your JOY Q by finding the joy all around and by speaking joy as often as you can.

What are some ways that you can increase your JOY Q?

1. Stay focused on the positive aspects of your own wonderful self.
Sign up at www.indranislight.org for a tool called Five minutes to
Happiness for a way to get to your finest values.

2. Take time each day for using your eyes to see the beauty in all those who you
meet. Look for something that you can admire in each person.

3. Find the courage to forgive someone. One of my dear friends found
her courage this weekend to forgive someone who really hurt her a few
years ago. The very next day, the woman she forgave gave her some
wonderful compliments on face book.

4. Write a letter to yourself and forgive yourself for any grievance
that you feel you have committed.

5. Spend a few moments in nature everyday to notice how much intricate beauty
surrounds us.

Up your JOY Q.
We must if we want to save our world.

Love and light,
Indrani

I was there…now I am here…

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A few hours ago I was in Guatemala sitting and laughing with a group who came together in a serendipitous and synchronistic way to bring smiles to lonely and hurting folk. That was our ONLY purpose. We searched out second hand shops and costume stores, raided our husband’s closets and searched deep within our hearts to find our inner clown.

We donned red noses held up with thin elastic string and we wrapped feather boas and other decorations in our hair and we clambered onto a bus and screamed and waved to innocent bystanders as we zoomed by them.

We were NOT ourselves and we were our BEST selves.
Patch Adams says,
“Clowning is my favorite me”.

This simple statement made immediate sense to me.
This however is not the only self that I loved on this trip.

I loved the self that:

  • taught the 16 year old new mom how to breast feed.
  • lovingly worked with a small boy who was severely handicapped and
    massaged his limbs for almost 75 minutes
  • held the head of an exhausted mother who waited for her child to wake
    up from surgery. She wept and I sang softly into her ear. Even though
    I sang in English and she only spoke Spanish we did connect at the
    soul level.
  • held a young clown who wept at the injustice of all that we saw and
    did not know what to do with all the emotions that he felt.
  • held an older clown who had just lost her dear four-legged friend to a
    hungry coyote. We screamed and cursed the coyote and then we accepted
    the circle of life and all the pain that it entails.
  • sat quietly on the bus and watched the volcanoes and felt immense
    gratitude for my eyes and my ability to come on this trip.

There are many other selves that I met and that I shared. All of them
had their place. I cannot really say that I had a favorite.

I have learned to like my selves.
I have learned to love my selves.
I have felt the joy of all my selves.

I invite you to begin to release some of your selves. Set them free.
Let them run wild. Allow them to trip and fall and get up again.

Make your nose red.
Get out of your head.
Put a smile on your face.
Make this world a sweeter place

Love & light,

Indrani

Blessed out

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zimbio.comzimbio.com

On 12/24 I was involved in something that will make this Holiday really memorable.

Let me tell you what it was NOT.

It was not something that I have to store.

It will not clutter my life.

It does not sparkle in the usual way.

It did not cost me an arm and a leg.

I did not incur any credit card debt.

Everyone who heard about it loved it and some were even jealous that they did not do it.

 

This is what I did…

I was part of a group that hosted a Christmas Party for a group of homeless folk. I was a part of a team of people who provided gifts and food. I did something a little extra. I created a Book Store background and I set up an author signing table and signed books for anyone who wanted one. The party was magical. It was a blessing to be able to spend part of my holiday with these guys. They showed up with a smile. They relished their food and their gifts and some of them sat down and began to read. One beautiful woman said, “I ain’t never meet me a real author before”. I gave her a huge hug and said I was so glad to meet her.

 

When folks live on the streets or in the woods, their possessions have to be functional. Nothing too heavy, or requires too much care. So books may not be so practical. They can get wet or be too bulky for a bag that is already crammed. My hope is that they read as much as they need and then repurpose it as needed. It may end up as kindling for a fire on a cold night. Some of the pages may become a napkin. It may even be a pillow. The book will disappear at some point in their lives. It will be with them for exactly the amount of time they need it and they will forget it and move on.

 

I will not forget the memories I made giving it to them and the feeling I had in my heart.

I am grateful that they came and shared part of their day with me.

I hope that 2012 will be better for them than 2011.

That is my prayer.

 

Doing something for folks in need is one of the quickest ways to get blessed out.

 

I wish you a blessed out New Year. Dream Large in 2012. The world needs us all to show up to the fullest extent of our capacities.

 

Love and light

Indrani

If you build it… Will they really come?

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ehow.com

What if you build something, or create something or plan something and
people say they will attend. Yes, they are sure that they will come.

So you invest time, money, energy, etc, and you are pumped, and you
are energized and you are ready.

The day has finally arrived, with all the planning, all the reminders. You get into your car and drive to the venue. You check all the
systems that need to be checked. You wait and wait and wait. The time of performance is here, the music starts and you realize that
only a handful of people have shown up. You keep calm and carry on all the while wondering how could it be that it all fell apart?

This, dear friend, is what happened on 12/18/2011.

I had been asked by several people to plan a Christmas flash mob. So I did.
I kept asking people are you sure that you are coming. I could still cancel, if there was no interest. But, I was constantly reminded that
there was interest.

How does it feel to put time and love and attention into something that fizzles at the last moment?

Here’s what NOT to do!

Do Not Take It Personally!
It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with every individual who did not show. I am sure that they all wanted to be there, but life happens, and in their lives things happened that kept them away.

Was I sad?
YES, I was sad!

Was I confused?
YES, I was confused.

Did I wonder if I had somehow screwed up?
YES, I thought that I had screwed up.

How could I have screwed up?
Did I not do enough reminders on FB?
Was the planning lacking?

I do not have answers to any of those questions.
I only know that I tried my best.
At the end of the day, that is all any of us can do.
Do our best.
If it’s not good enough for anyone, well that’s just too bad.

Easy to say, harder to believe.
I encourage you this holiday, to just do YOUR best.

THEN LET IT GO.
Happiness, joy and peace this the holiday season of 2011
Love and light
Indrani

A Holiday Riddle…

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crazytownmayor.com

What do you get if you crossed, Paula Deen, Martha Stewart and June Cleaver… a migraine for all us mere mortal women!

I was recently strolling thru an airport and came upon a bookstore. So of course I wasted a nice chunk of change on magazines.

They were all Christmas magazines and each had copious tips for me as to how to create that ever so special holiday.

I began to make a list and it was appalling how many things I HAD to do to make my family, friends and the community at large happy.

The list is far too long so I will just give you some highlights…

  •  Make cookies from scratch, cut outs that must be iced and drop cookies, because as we all know people like variety!
  • Do extra special community deeds, because as we all know, all the volunteer stuff we do is NOT enough to make us feel worthwhile.
  • Put a special ornament on all the cabinet knobs, because we all know, every room must be festive.
  • Make all your own floral arrangements and get only the freshest buds, because as we all know, people will know that I am a slouch if I buy them from the grocery store.
  • Group glass containers together and place candles in them, because as we all know, electric lights are too harsh for the holidays.
  • Write a special note in all my holiday cards, because as we all know, it is extremely tacky to just say “Happy Holidays”.
  • Decorate the tree, preferable trees, in its own special theme, because as we all know, a hodge podge of ornaments from years of life well lived, just looks too damn dull.
  • Have scents of cinnamon and oranges wafting all thru the house, because as we all know, our houses stink the whole rest of the year.
  • Decorate every room with fresh sprigs (from our gardens) especially the guest rooms, because as we all know we want those pesky guests to feel so comfy, they’ll stay an extra month.

I can go on, but I have a lot to do in the next few weeks, as you can clearly see.

So I’ll be sure to start tomorrow because it’s too dark to get sprigs and such and I don’t have all the ingredients for the 13 kinds of cookies I intend to make.

Wait, I can’t start tomorrow… I have a massage scheduled and that tea I must go to, and oh yea I gotta go the work. Hmmm, ok the day after tomorrow then. Wait…

Snowflakes and days

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www.its.caltech.edu

Winter is here and recently I came to the conclusion that days are like snowflakes.

No two ice crystals are alike yet they are all called snowflakes.
We know flakes are white, they have six little crystals reaching out from the center, but from there the design, shape, texture of that snowflake is unique.

Days are the same way. We all have a 24 hour period that is called a “day”. But no two days are alike even though we generalize and say that they are.
Each day is a gift from God and each day really is different than the last.
Your today and my today are totally unique, as are our yesterdays.

Snowflakes can be be packed together and thrown as a snow ball, and we can have fun with it.
Snowflakes can be slushy, slippery and we may find ourself delayed in where we are going.
Snowflakes can be used to create building snowmen and igloos.
Lots of snowflakes and we want to curl up with the ones we love for warmth.
We get to decide what we would like to do with the snow, or just let it sit in the yard.

So each day, just like the snowflakes we can decide:
if we want to have fun with it,
if something in the day is going to delay us or slow us down
if we want to create something with it
if we want to get closer to the ones we love
or if we are going to do nothing with it.

Remember snowflakes melt fast!

What are you going to do with each day, that unique gift you are given every 24 hours before it melts away?

First DO no MORE harm.

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By: Alanzo Moreno and Jonathan Bout, Damien High School, La Verne, CA - Winners of The Search For Peace Art Exhibit in Los Angeles

The title of this blog may sound a little dark. I don’t mean it to be. I am taking 100% responsibility for the sentiments expressed here.

First a confession:

I have done harm.

I have dome harm to myself, to those I love and to those I don’t love.

There was a time when I did not care about the harm I had done and I happily continued to do more. Of this I am not proud.

I have learned to bring compassion to the person I was then and I know that I was doing the best I could.

Oprah said “when you know better, you do better”

I believe. I Believe.

On this side of 50, I know better.

I have tried to temper my words, my thoughts, my actions and my intentions, in such a way as to show respect for all things and people.

I am not always successful. Sometimes I recognize when I fail and other times I do not.

I am still in training; I will always be a student.

My mantra for 2012 is to

DO NO MORE HARM, at least to try.

In order to walk this talk I must be PRESENT.

PRESENT TO MYSELF, MY THOUGHTS AND TO THE WORLD.

I know that this will not be easy. It is actually harder than getting a PhD.

There are no set guidelines or rules or schools to help me get there.

There are however, guides, living and dead who in my opinion, have tried to live without doing harm.

I can learn from them, read about them and emulate them.

Some which come to mind are:

 The Dalai Lama

 Mother Theresa

 Pema Chodron

 Nelson Mandela

 Jesus Christ

 Buddha

 Children

 

I will be a student of these and others who cross my life. I will start today.

Will you join me?

Who are some of your models for DO NO MORE HARM?

 Love and light

Sleigh bells ring you listenin’

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Are you listenin’? And I am not talking about listenin’ to a bombardment of holiday ads to buy, the sound of cash registers, the voices of people clambering around stressed out searching to meet the expectations that come prepackaged with the season.

Are you listenin’ to your true self and what you need?

Does that sound selfish during a time of year that is meant for giving? It is not, because only you know what you need and in order to give to others you need to give to yourself first. Carve out the time to give to yourself. That can be in the form of a hot bath, time to read, a much needed nap, or the ability to say I have done enough for today and not push through one more store. What if I told you that holiday memories can be made and you don’t have to go to Macy’s to find them?

Look in the mirror.

Invest the time in yourself to be happy, be healthier, be lighter in spirit and present your true higher self to the ones you love this holiday season. This would be a precious gift providing holiday memories of a lifetime. People would remember your warm embrace, your smile that lights-up the room, the song of your laughter in the air.

For those people in your life who cannot see this dearest gift of YOU, no box wrapped in shiny paper will warm their heart or bring them into the truest spirit of love and giving. Say a prayer for them, one of hope and joy that they will realize their true self which will bring happiness and peace to their life.

What does an Activist look like?

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Who can change the world? Does it have to be a huge change or just something you can handle?

This week, the medical elective at The Gesundheit Institiute hosts an amazing group of young medical students whom plan to do just that. Change the world…one medical evaluation at a time.
They come from all over the world but have the same heart and speak the same language of healing.
Do your part, heal someone less fortunate today. Just because it’s the right thing to do.