1. DON’T RAPE
2. See step #1
Check out this article from The Washington Post about things that are being done around the globe to cure this pandemic that women everywhere face.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-to-cure-the-pandemic-that-women-face/2015/01/02/c6052fd0-913a-11e4-a900-9960214d4cd7_story.html
Recently, I had the great fortune to be in Trinidad with my only brother, his lovely wife and our childhood friend, Ray.
We were all headed to the store to purchase a 60th birthday gift for another friend.
My brother was riding in the passenger seat up front while Ray drove and in the midst of recanting an old and funny story, he said very casually,
“Hey brother, what’s that red light on your dash?”
Ray, quite nonchalantly said, “Doh worry ’bout dat man, I put a piece of black tape over it, I don’t want to know what it is.”
And in typical Ray style, he started to laugh.
My sister in law, sitting next to me in the back then says, “So why is there tape over the locks in the back?”
Ray says, “Oh the locks are broken and I just don’t want people messing with them.”
We all start howling with laughter and start teasing Ray about his ability to block out the everyday annoyances of life.
I immediately say, “You know that I am going to have to write a blog about this, right?”
The thing about using black tape to cover up warning lights and broken bits of a machine made me think of the hoops we jump through to hide our shameful abuse from others.
Women will use any amount of makeup to try to hide the black eye.
Teenagers will lie to their friends and wear long sleeves to try and hide the cutting they started as a result of the incest they are suffering in their homes.
Young children know that they dare not tell about the knock down drag outs that their parents engage in and they instead begin to create a fairy tale family that they trot out to mask their pain.
Recently, during a Train the Trainer, one of the participants told the group that he never knew his parents because the state had taken him away due to abuse. He then explained that he made up a fairy tale of benevolent parents and used to tell fairy tale stories about the imagined family.
We use black tape in our everyday lives so effectively that we often forget the tape is there.
We begin to see the tape as the reality and we fight for the right to deny the reality of our pain.
What parts of your life have you taped over?
What is the tape hiding?
What would happen if you pulled the tape off and allowed yourself to face the truth?
I pull the tape off my own bruises every time I tell an audience that my abuse began in my childhood. When I am honest with my listeners and when they are able to receive the truth of what I am saying, they witness the absence of black tape.
I let them see my scars.
I let them in on my pain.
As a result of my being vulnerable, they give themselves permission to do the same.
Will you remove some black tape from your life today?
I give you permission to look at your truth.
Love and light,
Indrani
What do a future fireman, police man, baker, soccer player, and pizza maker have in common?
They all have the same response when asked to slap a young girl.
Watch the video below to see their reaction:
Link: http://youtu.be/b2OcKQ_mbiQ
If this is a typical response by the young boys of today, then what changes between 7 years old and adulthood that results in women experiencing the violence that we know they do on a daily basis?
More importantly: What can we do to help young boys like this grow up into men that truly believe “girls shouldn’t be hit, not even with a flower”?
We all need to start sharing answers about this question.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below: what do we need to do differently to help young boys grow up into men who don’t hit women?
Love & light,
Jeremie Miller
Change the world with ONE simple act….like opening a door consistently.
What a guy!
Can we all be more like him?
http://www.wimp.com/simplething/
Sexism is a term normally associated with women. It affects women in the workplace, on the street, in the media; it affects women in so many different ways, that we often forget an important piece of the sexism puzzle:
Sexism affects everyone: bisexuals, transgender, lesbians, gay men, and yes, even straight men.
Watch Laci Green as she unpacks and explores the idea of sexism against men and the effect it is having on everyone.
Watch and imagine what effect it would have on gender based violence if men no longer felt that they NEEDED to hide emotions, be powerful, and do manly things like fight, fix things, and have lots of sex to prove how masculine they are.
Could part of the solution be as easy as realizing that: there is no man or woman or gay or lesbian or transgender. There are humans.
Have you ever been sexist towards a man? If you are one of our male readers, have you ever experienced sexism?
We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Love & light,
Jeremie Miller
You may have heard of the very popular book called “Five Love Languages.”
The book tells us the different ways that we show love and how we like for love to be shown to us.
I was having an intriguing conversation with a dear friend this week and it occurred to me that when people speak, they immediately tell us what kind of person they are.
They can see the world in any variety of ways and often all we need to do is USE our two ears more consistently than we use our one mouth.
We need to listen more than we speak.
When we listen, really listen, we will be able to hear what kind of life language people are using…
Positivity speak
Joy speak
Hopeful speak
Victim speak
Negativity speak
Powerless speak
I know that you understand what I mean.
I recently reached out to an acquaintance and asked how they were doing, and the litany of complaints began. I immediately felt deflated. I felt like saying, has nothing positive happened in this whole year?
I did not. Instead I just listened and made an excuse and got off the telephone.
If we wish to elevate our spirit, we must choose carefully the kind of person with whom we commune.
Now, comes the scary question, what life language do you speak?
Are you one of the people who is uplifting or down putting?
If you don’t know, try listening to yourself.
If you don’t know how to listen to yourself, then ask a trusted friend how you come across and promise them to not shoot the messenger.
It is a worthy exercise.
Try it.
Love and light,
Indrani
As we prepare to join loved ones this holiday season, let us take just a few moments to sit in silence and speak softly the things that pop into our heads that we are thankful for.
For me, it always starts with the simplest things:
Some of the more significant events are:
What does your list look like?
Please let us know in the comment section below.
May you be at Peace.
Love and light,
Indrani
I went to an AA meeting many years ago with a friend. AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous.
There are meetings all over the world many times a day where people who are struggling with addiction have a safe place to speak about their struggles.
The meetings do require people who wish to speak to say their name and to say, “I am an Alcoholic.”
The simple power of this introduction leaves no room in the mind of the speaker or the listener about the challenges being faced.
I would like to borrow this concept but I want to call it A2A.
What would Awareness to Action look like?
It would begin with the uneasy feeling that something might be wrong.
How do I know that something may be wrong?
That’s the easy part.
We would be on edge, scared and not able to identify the fear, sick to our stomach, etc.
These would be signs that our body is giving us that STUFF is awry!
The easy thing to do here is to ignore the feelings of dis-ease and discomfort. That is what most people do. They push down all the whisperings that the body sends our way. The headache? A whisper! The nausea? A whisper? The inability to speak? A whisper.
Whispers are manifesting in our bodies everyday.
My idea of A2A, Awareness 2 Action, is to listen to the whispers. To allow the self to feel the discomfort.
If you allow the feeling to continue to whisper and to give up the wisdom you will be able to find a path through the challenge.
So the next time you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, ask yourself these simple questions:
What’s happening in my body?
What are my thoughts about what I am feeling?
If you can take your blood pressure to see if it’s elevated that will be a sign that something internal is off.
Use all the whispers of the body to inform how you will navigate the challenges.
The challenges will always come and its up to you to be aware of them and to take informed action.
Love and light,
Indrani
Use your breath as a power tool….it’s free and it’s yours to use as you need.
I was wandering around Manhattan the other day and I was window shopping.
Suddenly I felt myself drawn to a store and wandered inside.
I began to look at some of the merchandise and struck up a conversation with the owner of the shop.
He limped over to his desk and I said, “What did you do to your leg?”
He limped back over to me and told me the story.
Here is the short version…
He was hit on the street by a car and it’s a neighbor and he is going to court in a few days to establish liability so he can file a damage suit.
He then began to rile himself up about how his wife really botched the deposition and he wanted to kill her for saying stupid things and I said “STOP.”
I began to ask questions about his trial and allowed him to blow off some steam.
I then asked, “Do you want me to help you to stay calm tomorrow on the stand?”
He said, “YES!”
The first thing I said was this, “I need you to keep angry thoughts about your wife OUT of your mind. What’s done is done. I need you to keep thinking good thoughts about her. I also need for you to stop thinking words like “crucify ” and “I’m done in” etc. When you are in court, use your breath to provide space between your responses. Do not spit out your answers like a dog who is panting. Take your time. If the judge says to hurry up, say you want to respond responsibly and truthfully.”
I do not know if he will take my advice but here’s what I do know. He may not have lambasted his wife as he was getting ready. He may hear my words in his head. I may have averted some very awful verbal abuse in their household when he went home.
Can I be sure?
Never. There is never an “I am sure.”
This is what I can be sure about. My mission is always present. I am always looking for an opportunity to guide. I was lead into that store and lead to that owner and I did what I do naturally.
When we are on mission, we are ALWAYS on mission.
Don’t leave your mission at home the next time you venture out. Take it with you.
Love & light,
Indrani
A beautiful poem by Rev. Safire Rose