Tag Archives: right you

The SWEET SPOT….

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I have just devoured Susan Cain’s book QUIET. I really hesitated before I ordered the book and then took a few hours before I cracked it open. I say a few hours because I am a voracious reader and when a book arrives it feels like Christmas morning and I must take an immediate peek.

I hesitated because I am an extrovert and I really wondered what I could get from a book called QUIET or if it would even be enticing to me.

I LOVED it. Susan Cain weaves research, true stories and her personal experiences together in such a way to make me not able to put the book down. There were many parts of it that stood out, and one of those is when she discusses “Sweet Spots”.

“You can organize your life in terms of what personality psychologists call ‘optimal levels of arousal’ and what I call ‘sweet spots’, and by doing so, feel more energetic and alive than before.” Susan Cain

Huh?
What does this really mean?
Do I really have the ability to have a life that feels good, does good and is good for me?

Is this not being selfish?
Should I not just do what is expected of me and shut up?
Doing what is good for me may be considered rocking the boat.
We are born into families that we do not choose.
We are sent to schools that we do not choose.
We have teachers and professors, who hold our academic lives in their hands, and we often would not choose them for ourselves.
We have extended family members who make us crazy and we did not choose them.

“There’s a host of research that introverts are more sensitive than extroverts to various kinds of stimulation, from coffee to a loud bang to a dull roar of a networking event- and that introverts and extroverts often need very different levels of stimulation to function at their best.” Susan Cain, page 124

Does this mean that we can decide what stimulation levels are good for us and choose career paths accordingly?
Does anyone teach us this in high school? Do we know that when we are picking majors for our college education?
We all know people who went into Law or Medicine only to hate the profession.
However, they find themselves in debt so they stick with it to pay the bills.
Little by little a piece of them dies. They have forgotten that they arrived there by choices and choices can get them out.
Very often, the thought of making different choices for our lives leaves us feeling paralyzed and unable to even think, let alone act.

Imagine if we accepted that we all had sweet spots and we are all capable of diving head first into work/ activities that activate these sweet spots.

Allow me to use myself as an example.
I am a coach.
I am a really good coach.
I hate to sell…I feel like hiding when I try to “sell” coaching packages.
I can, however, talk to every woman’s shelter and every support group in this whole world about my foundation, Indranis Light. I can do this because I am
absolutely sure that my life coaching classes are a crucial piece of the puzzle within the “abuse victim mindset”.

This is my sweet spot. I never tire of telling anyone who is willing to listen how important it is for us as a community to help women find their voices and step into their power.
I feel personally responsible to the younger generation of girls to teach them (through their moms) how to protect themselves from abusers.
I will suffer any amount of personal affronts in the pursuit of my goals for the foundation.

“Understanding your sweet spot can increase your satisfaction in every arena of your life,” this bit of wisdom from Susan Cain should be the ground on which we stand to investigate if we are living in our sweet spot.

Martha Beck also teaches us about living and working where our “essential” selves are happiest. Some of my friends have made incredible switches from one profession to another, like Dr. Sarah Seidelmann who left medicine to become a life coach and took a big pay cut but increased her happiness ten-fold. She even went with me to Gesundheit Institute last year to speak to would be medical students about her choices and her new life.

Sweet spots may not be easy to find and when discovered even harder to follow.
When we are in the sweet spot we are in “flow” according to Mihaly Csikszenthmihaly (chic- SENT-me-high).

I love the visual of being in flow. It makes me think of not fighting the currents or not arguing with people who do not understand me. It makes me feel safe to take a chance or to stretch a little because being in flow is safe and I am at optimum performance.

Susan Cain tells us that “people who are aware of their sweet spots have the power to leave jobs that exhaust them and start new and satisfying businesses. They can hunt for homes based on the temperaments of their family members – with cozy window seats and other nooks and crannies for introverts and open living-dining spaces for extroverts.”

Imagine a world where our temperaments were free to be 100% engaged….a world where we did not have to feel shame about being “shy” or “a loud mouth”.

The first step on this path is to begin to notice yourself: at work, at social events, within the family, at church.
Where do you sit?
With whom do you feel comfortable?
Do you feel like running and hiding from wherever you are?
Do you long to be a part of a different group?

Make good observations about yourself. Put yourself under a microscope and take good field notes.
Then begin to make small changes.
Perhaps sitting in a corner booth in a restaurant is more comfortable that sitting in the middle where everyone can see you.
Perhaps your extended family members are all extroverts and you are an introvert and it exhausts you to be around them. In this case it would be a good idea to increase your quiet time. Take more time for your own self, time to gather strength to be used later while with the family.
Perhaps it is the opposite. You might be outgoing and feel bored with your family. So go tire yourself out, get your fill then you can be in a restful space instead of wanting to scream from boredom.

It really is worth the time to get to know YOU. It is then that you can begin to manage your energy and feel good about the YOU that it is the world.
Love and light,
Indrani

Who’s the boss of YOU?

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Do you remember your kids ever screaming “you’re not the boss of me”?
The fact of the matter is you were the boss of them. They knew it and you knew it.
Who have you given the power to be the boss of you?

Who is the boss of you?

Bosses have power.
Bosses tell us what to do.
They hold our future in their hand.
They can fire us.
They can choose to compliment us or chew us out.
We feel that we must behave a certain way around them for fear of a disapproving look or a nasty comment.

Now I would like you to review the previous statements and change the
words “bosses” and “they” to I. Change “us” to me.

So the first would read:

I have power.

I am not asking you to “believe” the reworded sentences…I’m just asking you to notice how they make you feel.
Do they make you squirm?
Do they make you sit up and take notice?

When we give our power away, it is likely that we have done it for a long time. We may have allowed our parents to make important decisions for us, long after our childhoods. We may allow our superiors or elders to tell us what to think and what to believe.
We may never dream to question the status quo.
These are learned behaviors.
If we can learn something then we can unlearn it.

Are there things you want to unlearn?
Are there people from whom you want to withdraw your power?
Are you ready to be the ONLY BOSS of you?

I invite you to ponder the points made in this blog.

May the power be with you!

Love and light
Indrani

IT’S ALL IN THE NOSE!

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It’s all in the nose that makes a child with down-syndrome run towards you with open arms for a hug.
It’s all in the nose that makes children hide behind their mother’s skirt, and peek from behind it.
It’s all in the nose that brings warm, kindness and love to the abandoned HIV positive child.

It’s all in the nose that brings a smile to the parents as you share a balloon with their child who has cancer.
It’s all in the nose that brings a sigh of relief to the overworked nurse when we pick up a crying baby to hold.
It’s all in the nose that makes families waiting in the ER take a few easier breathes as they wait for a doctor to see their child.

It’s all in the nose that makes an elderly person get up and dance as if they were young again.
It’s all in the nose that gets that old person to crack a smile.
It’s all in the nose that takes the old lady from feeling lonely to feeling loved.

It’s all in the nose that makes a policeman directing traffic smile and wave.
It’s all in the nose that gets a toothless grin from a woman making tortillas on the curb.
It’s all in the nose that makes men blow kisses to the clown bus as they walk down the street.

It’s all in the nose that gives us clowns strength to see a once beautiful old woman playing with a stuffed toy.
It’s all in the nose that helps us hold back the tears as we see abandoned children in an orphanage.
It’s all in the nose that gave me the strength to watch a doctor siphon fluid from a baby’s lungs, while she was not breathing, and resuscitate her again.

It’s all in the nose that brings all of humanity just a bit closer.

 

A Holiday Riddle…

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crazytownmayor.com

What do you get if you crossed, Paula Deen, Martha Stewart and June Cleaver… a migraine for all us mere mortal women!

I was recently strolling thru an airport and came upon a bookstore. So of course I wasted a nice chunk of change on magazines.

They were all Christmas magazines and each had copious tips for me as to how to create that ever so special holiday.

I began to make a list and it was appalling how many things I HAD to do to make my family, friends and the community at large happy.

The list is far too long so I will just give you some highlights…

  •  Make cookies from scratch, cut outs that must be iced and drop cookies, because as we all know people like variety!
  • Do extra special community deeds, because as we all know, all the volunteer stuff we do is NOT enough to make us feel worthwhile.
  • Put a special ornament on all the cabinet knobs, because we all know, every room must be festive.
  • Make all your own floral arrangements and get only the freshest buds, because as we all know, people will know that I am a slouch if I buy them from the grocery store.
  • Group glass containers together and place candles in them, because as we all know, electric lights are too harsh for the holidays.
  • Write a special note in all my holiday cards, because as we all know, it is extremely tacky to just say “Happy Holidays”.
  • Decorate the tree, preferable trees, in its own special theme, because as we all know, a hodge podge of ornaments from years of life well lived, just looks too damn dull.
  • Have scents of cinnamon and oranges wafting all thru the house, because as we all know, our houses stink the whole rest of the year.
  • Decorate every room with fresh sprigs (from our gardens) especially the guest rooms, because as we all know we want those pesky guests to feel so comfy, they’ll stay an extra month.

I can go on, but I have a lot to do in the next few weeks, as you can clearly see.

So I’ll be sure to start tomorrow because it’s too dark to get sprigs and such and I don’t have all the ingredients for the 13 kinds of cookies I intend to make.

Wait, I can’t start tomorrow… I have a massage scheduled and that tea I must go to, and oh yea I gotta go the work. Hmmm, ok the day after tomorrow then. Wait…

First DO no MORE harm.

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By: Alanzo Moreno and Jonathan Bout, Damien High School, La Verne, CA - Winners of The Search For Peace Art Exhibit in Los Angeles

The title of this blog may sound a little dark. I don’t mean it to be. I am taking 100% responsibility for the sentiments expressed here.

First a confession:

I have done harm.

I have dome harm to myself, to those I love and to those I don’t love.

There was a time when I did not care about the harm I had done and I happily continued to do more. Of this I am not proud.

I have learned to bring compassion to the person I was then and I know that I was doing the best I could.

Oprah said “when you know better, you do better”

I believe. I Believe.

On this side of 50, I know better.

I have tried to temper my words, my thoughts, my actions and my intentions, in such a way as to show respect for all things and people.

I am not always successful. Sometimes I recognize when I fail and other times I do not.

I am still in training; I will always be a student.

My mantra for 2012 is to

DO NO MORE HARM, at least to try.

In order to walk this talk I must be PRESENT.

PRESENT TO MYSELF, MY THOUGHTS AND TO THE WORLD.

I know that this will not be easy. It is actually harder than getting a PhD.

There are no set guidelines or rules or schools to help me get there.

There are however, guides, living and dead who in my opinion, have tried to live without doing harm.

I can learn from them, read about them and emulate them.

Some which come to mind are:

 The Dalai Lama

 Mother Theresa

 Pema Chodron

 Nelson Mandela

 Jesus Christ

 Buddha

 Children

 

I will be a student of these and others who cross my life. I will start today.

Will you join me?

Who are some of your models for DO NO MORE HARM?

 Love and light

What does an Activist look like?

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Who can change the world? Does it have to be a huge change or just something you can handle?

This week, the medical elective at The Gesundheit Institiute hosts an amazing group of young medical students whom plan to do just that. Change the world…one medical evaluation at a time.
They come from all over the world but have the same heart and speak the same language of healing.
Do your part, heal someone less fortunate today. Just because it’s the right thing to do.

Identification please

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Drivers license, passport, social security card, voters card, military ID, membership card, marriage license, green card. All these cards and documents to say who we are! No wonders we identify ourselves by titles, experiences, positions, status, you name it. We are in a world where we are identified as who we are by a card or piece of paper.

If by the paperwork you need further identification of this person they tell you:

I am a doctor
I am a mother
I am a wife
I am a foreigner….

I do not understand why at a cocktail party I get introduced “..and I would like you to meet Dr. So-And-So. ” Well so this person is a doctor, if he is at the cocktail party he is not doctoring, so does the title matter?

Then to go one step deeper you discover that the person identifies themselves as:

I am a victim
I am a martyr
I am a survivor….

Do we need all this identification?

Doesn’t just being present identify us?

I think that perhaps we are scared to shed those layers of identity in fear of not finding anything. Kinda like peeling away the layers of an onion. If each layer is an identity, if we shed the layers there is nothing in the center. But really it is not that there is nothing there, if we peel our layers of identification off, its that we have to just face the truth of who we really are. The basic essence of ourselves.

Here is something to try, next time you meet a person can you see them for who they are, just a person, and not the identification or title?

It is refreshing to just be with a person with all the identities dropped.

We are people. We all eat, breath, sleep, etc. We all want to be happy, healthy, peaceful and live with ease.

There is no card for that.

National Women’s Equality Day.

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I know that this applies to more than suffrage. But I cannot help but
wonder how courageous the suffragists were to have stepped out from
the shadows of  ” women are not smart enough to vote”.
I think that for every overt suffragist there must have been 100
covert suffragists.

Yes I did pull that statistic out of my head, but it’s as good a guess as any.
Why do I say that?
I say this because I KNOW many women in 2011 who are still afraid to speak their truth.
They say things like ” Oh, I could never say that! At least not out loud!”  and other women
laugh and shake their heads in camaraderie.

Why are we still afraid to speak our truth? What EXACTLY will happen
if we do DECIDE to speak, and make NO mistake, this is a decision.
How many things in your life are you just accepting because it’s tradition?
The suffragists did not accept tradition as acceptable.
What is no longer acceptable in your life but you are ” waiting for the right time” to speak.

Guess what?
The right time is NOW. The first time you feel pain, or a twinge of
injustice, is THE EXACT RIGHT TIME.

Martin Luther King Jr said ” Our lives begin to end, the moment we become silent about things that matter”.

Gandhi said ” First they ignore you
Then they laugh at you
Then they fight you
Then you win.

I say then the victory is that much sweeter because you decided to speak up and be noticed.

I invite you to speak up today about an injustice in your home or life or church or community.

Use any one of the above quotes as you banner statement or find one you like… But take action.
Unless WE WOMEN do something about gender inequality, NOTHING will be done.

Is that acceptable to us?

What can we change by this day 2013.
Let’s do it, if not for us for our daughters!
Please, the time is now.

Love and light
Indrani

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

Is your mobile phone more important that your child?

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I was in a store the other day and overheard this: “Sit down and be quiet, you cannot disturb your mother while she shops” said a male voice. Then I saw that mom was about 8 months pregnant and sent her some silent blessings and good energy. It was hot, her belly was heavy and she needed nursing bras. Been there…it’s not so much fun!

As I was leaving the store, I saw the father happily playing on the telephone as the 2-1/2 or 3 year old just SAT alone, STARING into space. I opened the door…and then changed my mind. I went over to the sweet little boy and gave him a magazine from the shelf with these LOUD words, “Here honey, it’s not a KIDS magazine but there are some pretty pictures”. Dad smiled at me and then I said, still looking and smiling at the little one “Dad, give your son the telephone so he can play games and you sit and stare into space” and I left.

PEOPLE what are we doing? I see moms pushing babies in strollers and talking on cell phones. What is so damned important? Is EVERYONE a brain surgeon?

I hear parents complaining that their teenagers sit at the dinner table texting and ignore the family. Where are they learning it? What are we modeling for this generation?

It is the ADULTS who are modeling how, when, and where to use cell phones. The kids are SIMPLY following our leads.

I have a challenge for my readers:

  •  If you have young kids, do not talk on the cell phone when you are supposed to be actively parenting.
  • If your kids are grown and you see a young mom ignoring their young kids to chat on the phone, go up and engage the child and ask mom if she’s having an emergency and needs help.
  • If you see a father ignoring his children to be on the phone, find a way to say something.

If we all just shake our heads and say “who’s minding the kids while we chat away?” then NOTHING will change.

 Maybe these parents were themselves ignored. So let’s save a generation. Let’s speak up for the little ones so that they get as much parent time as they get free minutes.

Here’s a great guide to the time you spend with your kids:

  • Take a stab at the NUMBER of QUALITY hours you have given your kids over the past few months. Write it down. Look at the last 6 months of cell phone usage and take the average and compare the two numbers.

Guess what? If you are on the phone, you are not engaged with your kids.

I hope that is a wake-up call for this generation of parents. If you do not change, please do not complain that your kids are ignoring you when they are all grown up. After all, you must ask yourself “where did they learn to ignore their families so brilliantly?”

Maybe we should all just be looking in the mirrors.

 

Love and light from Indrani

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 3

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If you missed parts 1 &2, here they are: Part 1 & Part 2 

This week we focus on the Ultimate Principle and the YOU Principle. Let’s just collapse it for this blog as your Ultimate You. The YOU you were created to be. The reason you were born.

Were you born to watch 5 or 6 hours of TV every night?

Were you born to do a job that robs you of your life source and drains you of every ounce of dignity?

Is the life you are living, the life you had hoped to live?

 

Who do you WISH you could be?

Try answering the following questions:

  • If no one would be upset at you, what would you LOVE to be doing with your life?
  • If you knew that you had only 3 months to live, what would you be doing differently?

 Take a moment to look at your answers and answer this next question:

  • If you could accomplish the above listed dreams, how would you feel?
  • What would your life look like?
  • Who would be in your life?
  • What clothing would you be wearing?
  • How would you KNOW that you were happy? In other words, what would you feel?

 

These are hard questions and the answers are quite elusive. I once asked the first question in a workshop and one of the answers was “I would run naked on the beach”. THAT is SO doable! But she would not give herself permission to do it because of the societal voices in her head that she was not pretty enough or skinny enough to run naked on the beach.

What do you wish you could give yourself permission to do?

 I invite you to at least write it down…what could it hurt?

Why not print out these 3 blogs on Confusion and keep it close at hand for easy reference.

The book takes you deeper into the process so here is where you can get it http://indranislight.org/products-page/product-category/the-indrani-principle-inhale-life-exhale-joy/.

 

Love and light