Tag Archives: shine brightly

If I shave my head, will I still love myself?

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A few weeks ago, I was watching the 10th episode of the Amazing Race where the fast forward called for the contestants
to shave their heads. The team who pulled this coveted gem chose not to use the fast-forward, which would have brought them to the top of the line.

Why did they not use it?

The female member of the team could not reconcile shaving her head because she had spent $500.00 on hair extensions.

I have been thinking about that choice quite extensively.

Here we have a woman who is an amazing athlete. She has survived for 10 episodes and has undertaken and conquered tasks that she could not have even imagined doing just a few years ago.

BUT how does she see herself?

She sees herself as the woman with a big nose and a need hair for extensions to look pretty.

As the whole world looks on and admires her, she sees nothing more than a big nose and her need for hair extensions.

What kind of message did she have to internalize for her to reflect so microscopically on her gifts? What kind of words had she been exposed to that caused her to digest all the marketing that we women are bombarded with?

I am getting old and much of that marketing no longer applies to me, except that they keep trying to get me to look younger.

I see the younger generation and I cringe at all the unlearning they must do to have a healthy acceptance of self.

I see the toddlers playing with dolls that have more boobs than an Amazon woman, and wonder when they will want their breasts enlarged.

I see all the beautiful celebrities who have undergone plastic surgery only to emerge looking like someone else.

I do not know what we can do as a strong feminine presence to stop this delusion of “what a woman should look like” but I do know that as thinking parents we must start pointing out these atrocities to our kids.

It is easy to think that they’ll figure it out, but will they figure it out before the scars of “not being good enough” make an indelible mark?

I am not saying that I have the answers.
What I do have is lots of trepidation about why, as a society, we are still so focused on outer appearances.

To that Amazing Race contestant, I say:
“honey, you are strong, beautiful and brave. Those things have NOTHING to do with your nose or your hair extensions.”

Oh, and by the way, that guy you are racing with showed the most love and acceptance any one could show under those circumstances. He accepted your decision without any negative comments. He is the poster boy for “support your partner, no matter what.”

Love and light,

Indrani

Upping our JOY Q…Our joy quotient is woefully low!

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I once took a philosophy class in college and the teacher asked us to define happiness.

I remember saying that it was an illusion and that people who said they were happy were liars. I also said that if people can find a little happiness, it would be fleeting and can never last.

Fast forward 30 years and I have completely and irrevocably changed my mind. As a matter of fact, it feels more like I have healed my mind and in the process healed my spirit.

Over the past few years I have been steeping myself in the study of and the living of Joy. Last year, I even went as far as to do a virtual joy event called Unpasteurized Joy. It was a series of conversations with many different folk from the very famous, like Dr Patch Adams, to the absolutely non-famous, like yours truly. I asked every person to speak of joy and how their work contributes to joy in our world.

Focusing so intently on joy over that past few years has allowed me to stay focused on the good in my life, even as challenges continue to flow in and through, and I am able to keep negativity at bay.

Recently, I heard from a colleague of mine who had surgery and she told me that while she was in recovery she listened to all 26 joy recordings. She said that it really helped her. Thanks Catherine, for sharing this lovely bit of information. It warmed my heart.

My challenge to you is to keep upping your JOY Q by finding the joy all around and by speaking joy as often as you can.

What are some ways that you can increase your JOY Q?

1. Stay focused on the positive aspects of your own wonderful self.
Sign up at www.indranislight.org for a tool called Five minutes to
Happiness for a way to get to your finest values.

2. Take time each day for using your eyes to see the beauty in all those who you
meet. Look for something that you can admire in each person.

3. Find the courage to forgive someone. One of my dear friends found
her courage this weekend to forgive someone who really hurt her a few
years ago. The very next day, the woman she forgave gave her some
wonderful compliments on face book.

4. Write a letter to yourself and forgive yourself for any grievance
that you feel you have committed.

5. Spend a few moments in nature everyday to notice how much intricate beauty
surrounds us.

Up your JOY Q.
We must if we want to save our world.

Love and light,
Indrani

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE…why you should care.

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Why should you care? Why should anyone care about Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is insipid. If you have never heard this term, the definition of domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another; also : a repeated or habitual pattern of such behavior .

Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under-reported crimes. Only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults, one-fifth of all rapes, and one-half of all stalkings perpetuated against females by intimate partners are reported to the police.…from www.ncadv.org/files/
DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

Why would such crimes be under-reported?

Have you ever been a victim of hateful and nasty behavior?

This could be happening in high school. Perhaps a boyfriend tells you to be a certain way and if you do not, he berates you and calls you names that made you feel worthless.

He tells you that no other man could love you. He calls you a slut or other unsavory names. He makes fun of you in front of his friends.

Did you tell anyone?

Did you report him to the school authorities?

Did you call the Teen Abuse hot line 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)?

You probably did nothing.

You may not even have recognized that you were being abused. You may even have convinced yourself that it was your fault.

You may have seen your own Mother abused at home and so you feel that “true love” must look like that.

Your own Mother may be making excuses for the man in her life, and you see that her abuse is much more horrific.

So you say nothing.

After all, you do not have it “that” bad.

Abuse is insipid and it is confusing. How can a person with whom you are having intimate relations treat you so horribly? How can the person you swear you love be so mean and hateful to you?

You try so hard to please him and nothing ever works.

You feel like you are always walking on egg shells.

His rage erupts for the smallest infraction, and you are afraid to take any action unless the action is sanctioned by the abuser.

These are but a few of the reasons why Domestic Violence is under-reported.

Women are confused and brain washed into thinking that all of it is their fault.

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.1 An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.2 85% of domestic violence victims are women. Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew. Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.… from http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

These facts were taken from a PDF found when I googled Domestic Violence.

I am not making this up. Below are actual numbers taken from the same article that I found on Google.

The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.

Victims of intimate partner violence lost almost 8 million days of paid work because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence.

There are 16,800 homicides and $2.2 million (medically treated) injuries due to intimate partner violence annually, which costs $37 billion.…from http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

If you are not being abused, there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE that you know someone who is being abused.

 

Please keep your eyes and ears open. Please encourage those suffering to seek counsel and support. There are MANY support centers around the country and world. If you are the one suffering, please reach out here and I will direct you to some help in your area.

You can send an e mail to

info@indranislight.org with the subject line… A HEADS UP.

You can use a computer at the library or at a friend’s home.

This is NOT your fault. You have done NOTHING wrong.

You deserve to be loved and respected.

Please reach out either for your own self or for someone else.

My personal mantra is ONE ABUSED WOMAN IS ONE TOO MANY! Please help me in this endeavor to eradicate DV from the face of the earth. WE can do it if we band together.

Love and Light

Indrani

 

 

 

 

I always wanted a cape…

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No, I never wanted a cape of wool, cashmere, or mink.
I want a cape that shimmers in the face of wrong doing.
I want a cape that shines in the instance of injustice.
I want cape colored bright in a dark world of harm.
I want a super hero’s cape!

Instead?

I got a nose.

Donned with the red nose of a clown, I recently went to Guatemala to visit children and adults who were in hospitals and institutions.
A red nose is hardly something that gives a person super powers by any means.

But that red nose gave me:
-The power to look beyond the grim, sad cinder block buildings that housed people who lived beyond the fringe of society and poverty.
-The power to face my own fears of reaching out and touching and loving those suffering people who needed love.
-The power to laugh, dance and be silly in dismal conditions to raise up a smile in a person that seemed impossible to reach as they were trapped in their ill mind.
-The power to put my judgments, preconceived notions and ignorance aside to be genuine and to look at others with love.

I want to challenge you to be someone’s super hero. No, I don’t want you to travel to far and distant places or leap tall buildings in a single bound.

What can you use as your cape to give you the power to drop your fears and judgments and to reach out to people who could use love, understanding and compassion in your life?

Kay Walten

To laugh, or not to laugh? That is the question…

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I just got home from the MBI Summit (Martha Beck Coach Conference)
and I am ready to REST.

BUT before I rest I must tell you something really funny.

The first morning of the Summit started off with a delicious welcome by Jessica Steward, Alexis Robin and Gretchen Pisano. They were organized, energized and actualized ready to lead some 320 plus coaches on a three day adventure. We would learn to write better blogs or books, grow our businesses in new and amazing ways, listen to Martha’s wisdom and buy sumptuous market place products made by our compadres as well as loads of other stuff!
We were ready!

BUT first we would LAUGH… At least that was the hope.

Yours truly got the head nod from Jessica and I let my biggest and
boldest belly laugh burst forth from my throat. I even surprised
myself as to how loud my laugh sounded.
I realized that people did not immediately understand what was
happening so I leapt upon my chair and started waving my hands wildly
trying to encourage my fellow coaches to rip the roof off with the
loudest laughter we could muster.
Some took the hint and I began to hear the laughing all around me.
I was really surprised however that it was not louder. We had about
320 mouths in that room that had to be hushed just a few minutes prior
and now some were being… SHY?

The laughter soon died down and we got around to the more serious business.

Then the MOST curious thing started to happen.
People started coming up to me and offering their thoughts on the
whole laughter thing.

Here are a few of the offerings:

You made me jump up and laugh, thanks.

Seeing you standing on the chair laughing was too funny.

Was that laughter yoga?

Are you certified in laughter yoga?

Why didn’t we know that we were supposed to laugh?…. Wait what???

Why didn’t you put many people around the room to show people how to do it?

Some of these offerings were easy to understand, some required a
simple response like, “no I am not laughter yoga certified, and I was just laughing not
doing laughter yoga”.

Others were really confusing, and that too from a group of coaches who
are trained to question the thoughts.

How far have we come from doing what is natural?
If the room was on fire would you have to be told to RUN?
If you we suddenly cold because of the air conditioner, would you need
permission to put on a sweater?
If you were thirsty do you need permission to take a sip of water?

I am betting the answer is NO to all of the above.

Some people were waiting for a cue, or a specific leader, or an
instruction that may sound like “laugh now”.

I remain amused and bemused by the variety of responses to my laughter outburst.
I can take heart in one thing however, no one told me that my voice
hurt their ears or to shut up, as has happened on some occasions.
So for that I am grateful.
I am also grateful that I had the courage to look silly and sound
silly and allowed others to find their “silly” because I tell you
what, there is much too much “unsilly”
going around.

So laugh your butts off and here is a short recording of laughter to
get you started.

Laughter IS the best medicine!

Keep laughing, just for the health of it. It really is the best
medicine, but only if you really want to be healed.

Love, light and LAUGHTER,
Indrani

IT’S ALL IN THE NOSE!

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It’s all in the nose that makes a child with down-syndrome run towards you with open arms for a hug.
It’s all in the nose that makes children hide behind their mother’s skirt, and peek from behind it.
It’s all in the nose that brings warm, kindness and love to the abandoned HIV positive child.

It’s all in the nose that brings a smile to the parents as you share a balloon with their child who has cancer.
It’s all in the nose that brings a sigh of relief to the overworked nurse when we pick up a crying baby to hold.
It’s all in the nose that makes families waiting in the ER take a few easier breathes as they wait for a doctor to see their child.

It’s all in the nose that makes an elderly person get up and dance as if they were young again.
It’s all in the nose that gets that old person to crack a smile.
It’s all in the nose that takes the old lady from feeling lonely to feeling loved.

It’s all in the nose that makes a policeman directing traffic smile and wave.
It’s all in the nose that gets a toothless grin from a woman making tortillas on the curb.
It’s all in the nose that makes men blow kisses to the clown bus as they walk down the street.

It’s all in the nose that gives us clowns strength to see a once beautiful old woman playing with a stuffed toy.
It’s all in the nose that helps us hold back the tears as we see abandoned children in an orphanage.
It’s all in the nose that gave me the strength to watch a doctor siphon fluid from a baby’s lungs, while she was not breathing, and resuscitate her again.

It’s all in the nose that brings all of humanity just a bit closer.

 

I was there…now I am here…

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A few hours ago I was in Guatemala sitting and laughing with a group who came together in a serendipitous and synchronistic way to bring smiles to lonely and hurting folk. That was our ONLY purpose. We searched out second hand shops and costume stores, raided our husband’s closets and searched deep within our hearts to find our inner clown.

We donned red noses held up with thin elastic string and we wrapped feather boas and other decorations in our hair and we clambered onto a bus and screamed and waved to innocent bystanders as we zoomed by them.

We were NOT ourselves and we were our BEST selves.
Patch Adams says,
“Clowning is my favorite me”.

This simple statement made immediate sense to me.
This however is not the only self that I loved on this trip.

I loved the self that:

  • taught the 16 year old new mom how to breast feed.
  • lovingly worked with a small boy who was severely handicapped and
    massaged his limbs for almost 75 minutes
  • held the head of an exhausted mother who waited for her child to wake
    up from surgery. She wept and I sang softly into her ear. Even though
    I sang in English and she only spoke Spanish we did connect at the
    soul level.
  • held a young clown who wept at the injustice of all that we saw and
    did not know what to do with all the emotions that he felt.
  • held an older clown who had just lost her dear four-legged friend to a
    hungry coyote. We screamed and cursed the coyote and then we accepted
    the circle of life and all the pain that it entails.
  • sat quietly on the bus and watched the volcanoes and felt immense
    gratitude for my eyes and my ability to come on this trip.

There are many other selves that I met and that I shared. All of them
had their place. I cannot really say that I had a favorite.

I have learned to like my selves.
I have learned to love my selves.
I have felt the joy of all my selves.

I invite you to begin to release some of your selves. Set them free.
Let them run wild. Allow them to trip and fall and get up again.

Make your nose red.
Get out of your head.
Put a smile on your face.
Make this world a sweeter place

Love & light,

Indrani

Blessed out

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zimbio.comzimbio.com

On 12/24 I was involved in something that will make this Holiday really memorable.

Let me tell you what it was NOT.

It was not something that I have to store.

It will not clutter my life.

It does not sparkle in the usual way.

It did not cost me an arm and a leg.

I did not incur any credit card debt.

Everyone who heard about it loved it and some were even jealous that they did not do it.

 

This is what I did…

I was part of a group that hosted a Christmas Party for a group of homeless folk. I was a part of a team of people who provided gifts and food. I did something a little extra. I created a Book Store background and I set up an author signing table and signed books for anyone who wanted one. The party was magical. It was a blessing to be able to spend part of my holiday with these guys. They showed up with a smile. They relished their food and their gifts and some of them sat down and began to read. One beautiful woman said, “I ain’t never meet me a real author before”. I gave her a huge hug and said I was so glad to meet her.

 

When folks live on the streets or in the woods, their possessions have to be functional. Nothing too heavy, or requires too much care. So books may not be so practical. They can get wet or be too bulky for a bag that is already crammed. My hope is that they read as much as they need and then repurpose it as needed. It may end up as kindling for a fire on a cold night. Some of the pages may become a napkin. It may even be a pillow. The book will disappear at some point in their lives. It will be with them for exactly the amount of time they need it and they will forget it and move on.

 

I will not forget the memories I made giving it to them and the feeling I had in my heart.

I am grateful that they came and shared part of their day with me.

I hope that 2012 will be better for them than 2011.

That is my prayer.

 

Doing something for folks in need is one of the quickest ways to get blessed out.

 

I wish you a blessed out New Year. Dream Large in 2012. The world needs us all to show up to the fullest extent of our capacities.

 

Love and light

Indrani

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 3

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If you missed parts 1 &2, here they are: Part 1 & Part 2 

This week we focus on the Ultimate Principle and the YOU Principle. Let’s just collapse it for this blog as your Ultimate You. The YOU you were created to be. The reason you were born.

Were you born to watch 5 or 6 hours of TV every night?

Were you born to do a job that robs you of your life source and drains you of every ounce of dignity?

Is the life you are living, the life you had hoped to live?

 

Who do you WISH you could be?

Try answering the following questions:

  • If no one would be upset at you, what would you LOVE to be doing with your life?
  • If you knew that you had only 3 months to live, what would you be doing differently?

 Take a moment to look at your answers and answer this next question:

  • If you could accomplish the above listed dreams, how would you feel?
  • What would your life look like?
  • Who would be in your life?
  • What clothing would you be wearing?
  • How would you KNOW that you were happy? In other words, what would you feel?

 

These are hard questions and the answers are quite elusive. I once asked the first question in a workshop and one of the answers was “I would run naked on the beach”. THAT is SO doable! But she would not give herself permission to do it because of the societal voices in her head that she was not pretty enough or skinny enough to run naked on the beach.

What do you wish you could give yourself permission to do?

 I invite you to at least write it down…what could it hurt?

Why not print out these 3 blogs on Confusion and keep it close at hand for easy reference.

The book takes you deeper into the process so here is where you can get it http://indranislight.org/products-page/product-category/the-indrani-principle-inhale-life-exhale-joy/.

 

Love and light

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 2

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If you missed last week’s Unites States of Confusion, here it is… 

Let’s take it from there, shall we?

The only way to get someplace other than where you are… Is first to KNOW that you want to make the journey. I want to journey from this confusion… It is suffocating here. I can barely breathe. My throat dries up when I try to speak my truth. My legs feel too heavy to move and I feel stuck. So clearly this is NO place to be…Even though these feelings are familiar, it is still not a safe place.

But what is the first step?

The first step is to be gentle with myself… Not beat myself up for landing here yet again… Shit happens…Quite frequently… So what?

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

The next step is to know which areas of my life need some care and to use the road map (the 8 principles) to map my way into a different space. These are in my book available at http://indranislight.org/products-page/

Let’s focus of my physical body. I have become quite lazy with my exercise and training. I have used all kinds of lame excuses and have allowed myself to gain weight and had to buy bigger clothing.

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

So I must start on a program of physical health.

How do I feel about getting so off course? Kinda crummy…But my INTUITION has been whispering in my ear to pay attention and to FOCUS more on self-care.

I hear my intuition by making time for silence, prayer, meditation. I also hear it by noticing how my body feels. INTUITION speaks with energy in our physical bodies and instead of labeling the feelings with words like Anxiety, Panic attacks, etc… Try just describing the physical sensations as if you did not know how to label them. That takes you out of the trance of the labels.

The intuitions lead me to register for another marathon… Now the event will determine what my PLAN looks like.

I must run/ walk 26.2 miles next March. My training program when worked backwards will have me starting at 2 or 3 miles a few times per week and gently increasing each week. My PLAN will also include yoga, strength training and weekly massage to help me recover from my workouts.

I started on the plan already and surprised myself by walking faster than I have in a few years and not being winded. I cannot change the plan because my body still has to be reintroduced to the regimen of training.

So what is your plan? How can you work it backwards so that you can begin to take baby steps? Why baby steps? If my marathon were in 2 months, I would be going crazy and I would already have failed. I know that I cannot get ready to 26.2 miles in 60 days. 6 months is my absolute limit. Your end goal and where you are now will determine the time you need to be successful.

Here’s another hint… State the goal and halve it. Now create a timeline and place the end goal at the end, then the half goal at the…you got it…the halfway mark. Half that again and place that at the quarter mark and half again at the eight mark. Now look at how much time you have from the start to the eighth mark and begin to create the small steps to get there. You may decide to shorten the overall time or to lengthen it, your steps will be your guide.

My marathon steps would look like this:

26.2 miles March 2012

13.1 miles December 2011

6.5 miles October 2011

3.2 miles September

2 miles now until September

Now I would work the daily schedule that has me running each of those long distances only once a week, the rest of the week is for endurance, speed work and other disciplines like yoga and Pilates.

Then you have to kick your FOCUS into action. Everything, and I do mean everything you do has to have your goal be the guide post. If, for instance, I need to swim every day and I choose hotels without pools when I travel, then I have lost my focus. Or if I have room for 3 pairs of shoes but no room for my running shoes, then I have lost focus. So my GOAL is my GUIDE.

This whole process is painted with the INTENTION and the PLANNING brush. The whole event, from beginning to end has to be in clear FOCUS and your Intention, your daily Planning principle all over it and is guided by your Intuition and your Intention. Every step you take solidifies your Intention to make your goal your reality.

This could mean that your ENVIRONMENT has to be tweaked, so you can accomplish this goal. If I have to do long runs on Sundays, I cannot go bar hoping on Saturday nights because I have to rest, hydrate with water not booze and eat right the night before. So I may have to give up some of my drinking buddies until my race is over.

The CREATION Principle, begs deeper question…WHY do you care? In other words, why do you want to see this thru? What will you gain? Who will lose if you lose focus?

For me the answers are quite clear. I will lose ME. I will LOSE ME! There is nothing more precious than ME and I will lose that.

So what am I creating?A more powerful and positive me!

Why? Because half of who I am or can become is not acceptable.  I will not settle for less than ALL that I am!

I was not born to live just half of my potential… I was created to live full out. I was created to live completely and to use all of my gifts. All day, every day.

The other Principles are the Ultimate and the You Principles and I will tell you more about those next week.

Come back won’t you?

What will you start today?

 

Love and light