Tag Archives: you

Stop this wheel…I wanna get off!!!

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It occurred to me this week that I have been on a hamster wheel. I really did not know when I got here, but I know how. Since the beginning of the year when I decided to change my profit business into a foundation, I have been pushing, spinning, looking for what to do next.

The social media has me going crazy. To tweet or not? To Face book or not?  How many blogs are enough to show that I am serious about my cause/ movement? How many newsletters are too little, or too many? I do not want to flood my readers, but I don’t want to lose them either. Can I tell one list about everything or do I have to split my message to fine tune my reach?

What to do when I find out that my newsletter provider, Mail Chimp gets upset and sends me nasty messages? How do I get my blogs out there so that my efforts are magnified without extra work?

If you have a business on the Internet you know exactly what I mean.

What if you don’t?

Does this hamster wheel thing still apply to you?

Well, are you working, inside or outside the home?

Do you have kids or a spouse?

Are you a single mom just trying to stay afloat?

Do you have aging parents who count on you?

Do you have siblings who don’t pick up any slack?

Do you have a job that drains you of your life force?

Do you have a boss from hell?

Shall I go on?

Ok then, do you have to leave your kids while you travel for your high profile job?

Has your husband lost his job and now resents that he is depending on you?

Ok, you get it, you really do get it.

What’s a girl to do?

Let me tell you about a wonderful coaching tool that Martha Beck taught me and uses relentlessly with her own clients.

It is called the 3 B’s:

Bag it

Barter it

Better it

 

Let’s start with bag it.

This simply means to let it go. Let it go if it does not provide anything that is useful to your family. Do you really have to scrub the tub every day? Do you have to fold everyone’s laundry? Do you even have to do everyone’s laundry? What would happen if your teenager had to wear clothes that were strewn on the ground because they did not know if they were clean? Who would care? If the answer is “yes, I would care” I must ask WHY?

Would you care because the school may think you are a bad mom? Would it mean you loved your child any less? Let me float something… would the world come to an end?

 

Ok let’s go to barter it.

Barter means to exchange something for something else. Are you a computer whiz? Do you have a friend who is pitiful with her computer but she is an excellent cook. Can you barter a few home cooked meals per week for some computer lessons? She might be so appreciative if you suggested that. Are you low on funds and cannot get those little perks like a haircut or an occasional manicure?

Can you approach the owner of the Salon and offer to Face Book her services and do some tweets so he can get some exposure? Do you get the picture? The other kind of barter is you exchange $ for a job you cannot do. At Christmas time I pay my wonderful handy man (my house hold husband) to take down the Christmas tree and to retrieve all the boxes from the attic. How does he know where it all is? Easy, he put them away last year. He actually knows more than I do about my Christmas stuff.

 

Now to Better it.

Better it means to make the experience a little (or a lot ) better by playing some tricks on yourself.

Let’s say you have to get a root canal and you hate the dentist. You cannot bag it or you will be in pain and your tooth will get worse and fall out. You cannot barter it, because no one can do it for you. How can you better it? You could take your iPod and make a play list of soothing music to help you through it so you won’t have to hear the sound of the dreaded drill. You could dab some perfume on your upper lip so you won’t smell that burning as much. You could go shopping after, or treat yourself to a massage right after the dentist and you could barter the massage for some social media exposure for the therapist.

I hope by now you are getting it. It just requires a little forethought. This little investment will reap huge results. Now I need to find someone to barter a full blown Thanksgiving Dinner… any takers? I am a really great coach, can you use some coaching for a home cooked meal?

Chew on that a while, no pun intended.

Love and light

Pondering doubt.

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doubt |dout|

noun
a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction

 

My question is:  “Does doubt exist if  you have conviction and  the feeling of uncertainty?”   I say yes and this is why. Conviction is a heart-felt concept.  You feel conviction in your soul.  You just know what is right by you.

 

Uncertainty… ah that is created by the ego.  The ego and the personal identity that goes with it, are uneasy, threatened when the heart convictions don’t go along with the ego-flow.  The ego is concerned about self-importance, stature, power, its about fluff up and puff out your chest, and spread those tail feathers wide.   Hence the cliche “Proud as a peacock”. The ego is about self, “I”. It remembers, evaluates, plans and is the response to the physical & social world.

 

The ego’s entire goal is to drive the bus, to take you to where it thinks you should be.
When the ego and your heart-felt convictions, your truths, do not mesh up that creates uncertainty.

 

Uncertainty is like walking on stair steps in the dark and you are uncertain as you shift your weight on each step.  Do you stay where you think you are stable or teeter down to the next step,  perhaps falling over the step un-sure-footed.  When you shift your weight from the comfort and stability of the ego and move your weight to the heart, the ego is telling you “huh oh, careful, watch out, warning, you could topple over, if you go with your heart you could  _____fill in the blank_____________  and you don’t want that to happen!”

 

This is where faith in your heart comes is.  Faith in listening to your heart, overcoming doubt, to know that next step is not going to take you tumbling.  To follow your heart, your truth, your conviction may cause:  ridicule, despise, anger, resentment, oh and a litany of things, but in the end you can ride out the affects because you know it is your truth, the foundation in which you are firmly planted on.

 

How do you work through your doubt when your ego’s uncertainty teeter-totters with your convictions?

 

The Courage of a Stallion

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How much do you think a stallion weighs? Go ahead…make a guess.

Do you think that a stallion has courage and strength? Do you think the bigger the stallion, the more courageous? Daring? What if I told you that there is a breed of stallions that weight about 28 lbs? Would you believe me? Well here is photo of it and here is the web link to learn more.

I challenge you to step up to your courage and valor in spite of the thought that you may not be BIG enough or STRONG enough. If you could NOT believe that you needed a certain size or a certain societal prerequisite to embody stallion-like characteristics how would you be different?

I was applying for a program one day and they asked my height and I responded “a statuesque 5 ft 1 inch”. I really do feel tall. I forget that people see me as a small woman. My courage is as large as any I have ever met. I invite you to step into your courage.

BTW if you are in Austin,TX or the surroundings on 10/22, come hear me present an exhilarating talk sponsored by O Magazine and Ikea. It starts at 10.30am. I would LOVE to see you. Be sure to say hello.

Love and light Indrani

What I Know For Sure…

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Welcome to a new Monday blog on IndranisLight.org! This blog will be written for Moms by Moms. As always, we would love to hear what you think. Enjoy! 

 

The fabulous Ms. Oprah writes an article in the back of each O Magazine titled What I Know For Sure. This reminds me of when I was younger and was given a task, I used to drive my parents crazy with this rant of “I don’t know what this assignment is!”, “I don’t know where my pencil is!”, and “I don’t know what page to read!” and my dad would respond “what DO you know?” Not in an ugly way, but in a way to remind me to calm down and take the task one step at a time.

Fast forward to this week…my 5-year-old started Kindergarten and we were BOTH nervous. In my head were the same rants “I don’t know this new routine!”, “I don’t know if he is going to be comfortable in his new school!”, “I don’t know if I should send a drink with lunch or if he can buy it!” and the list goes on…

So with my dad’s voice always in my head I ask myself “what DO I know?” What I know is this: my love for my boys is unshakeable; my love for myself is a confident one. I know I have figured out many more difficult and complex issues than this one, and I DO know that we will figure this out together along the way. Will it be easy? Of course not. But nobody said parenting is easy.

So I tied my sneakers and then I tied my son’s and we walked hand-in-hand into this new adventure.

National Women’s Equality Day.

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I know that this applies to more than suffrage. But I cannot help but
wonder how courageous the suffragists were to have stepped out from
the shadows of  ” women are not smart enough to vote”.
I think that for every overt suffragist there must have been 100
covert suffragists.

Yes I did pull that statistic out of my head, but it’s as good a guess as any.
Why do I say that?
I say this because I KNOW many women in 2011 who are still afraid to speak their truth.
They say things like ” Oh, I could never say that! At least not out loud!”  and other women
laugh and shake their heads in camaraderie.

Why are we still afraid to speak our truth? What EXACTLY will happen
if we do DECIDE to speak, and make NO mistake, this is a decision.
How many things in your life are you just accepting because it’s tradition?
The suffragists did not accept tradition as acceptable.
What is no longer acceptable in your life but you are ” waiting for the right time” to speak.

Guess what?
The right time is NOW. The first time you feel pain, or a twinge of
injustice, is THE EXACT RIGHT TIME.

Martin Luther King Jr said ” Our lives begin to end, the moment we become silent about things that matter”.

Gandhi said ” First they ignore you
Then they laugh at you
Then they fight you
Then you win.

I say then the victory is that much sweeter because you decided to speak up and be noticed.

I invite you to speak up today about an injustice in your home or life or church or community.

Use any one of the above quotes as you banner statement or find one you like… But take action.
Unless WE WOMEN do something about gender inequality, NOTHING will be done.

Is that acceptable to us?

What can we change by this day 2013.
Let’s do it, if not for us for our daughters!
Please, the time is now.

Love and light
Indrani

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

Graffiti

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I have been looking back at my life recently and began to see that my life has been like a big wall. Grounded, and in the early days that wall had the potential to become the wall of an office building to achieving success in business; a wall of a home, a structure of nurturing & safety; a wall in a place of worship reflecting spirituality. That wall was blank with the potential of being built into so much.

Over the years the people I have encountered have put their mark on the wall, leaving graffiti.  The wall has names painted on it, initials carved into it, cracks in the plaster.  Some of the paint is faded from time, some paint dripped down the side.  The facade of the wall is caked with life experiences, people and places.  Its hard to even see what the wall was originally, what its intent was.  Like a spray painted subway car, my life and wall have evolved into a montage of other peoples art on my canvas.  I wonder how I had let that happen.  Like any graffiti, some of it is good, creative, and inspiring and some of it is ugly, distasteful and depreciating.

While searching for something deep inside I started peeling off the layers of paint, scrubbing off the dirt and dust of the years, and scratched below the surface to see what was underneath.  What I found was the same foundation of dreams, aspirations, ambitions, core beliefs and principles.  They had not be lost amongst the Jackson Pollock-like splatter of the whos’ who of whose been here.

In my excitement of seeing that my true self still exists I am empowered to apply fresh paint to my wall of life.  The new paint accents my convictions and truths, enhancing the beauty of the work done by others, but removing the old, unloving defacements. I feel a sense of renovation, renewal and inspiration.  Preparing myself to stand strong again to the elements of this lifetime.

 

 

 

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 3

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If you missed parts 1 &2, here they are: Part 1 & Part 2 

This week we focus on the Ultimate Principle and the YOU Principle. Let’s just collapse it for this blog as your Ultimate You. The YOU you were created to be. The reason you were born.

Were you born to watch 5 or 6 hours of TV every night?

Were you born to do a job that robs you of your life source and drains you of every ounce of dignity?

Is the life you are living, the life you had hoped to live?

 

Who do you WISH you could be?

Try answering the following questions:

  • If no one would be upset at you, what would you LOVE to be doing with your life?
  • If you knew that you had only 3 months to live, what would you be doing differently?

 Take a moment to look at your answers and answer this next question:

  • If you could accomplish the above listed dreams, how would you feel?
  • What would your life look like?
  • Who would be in your life?
  • What clothing would you be wearing?
  • How would you KNOW that you were happy? In other words, what would you feel?

 

These are hard questions and the answers are quite elusive. I once asked the first question in a workshop and one of the answers was “I would run naked on the beach”. THAT is SO doable! But she would not give herself permission to do it because of the societal voices in her head that she was not pretty enough or skinny enough to run naked on the beach.

What do you wish you could give yourself permission to do?

 I invite you to at least write it down…what could it hurt?

Why not print out these 3 blogs on Confusion and keep it close at hand for easy reference.

The book takes you deeper into the process so here is where you can get it http://indranislight.org/products-page/product-category/the-indrani-principle-inhale-life-exhale-joy/.

 

Love and light

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 2

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If you missed last week’s Unites States of Confusion, here it is… 

Let’s take it from there, shall we?

The only way to get someplace other than where you are… Is first to KNOW that you want to make the journey. I want to journey from this confusion… It is suffocating here. I can barely breathe. My throat dries up when I try to speak my truth. My legs feel too heavy to move and I feel stuck. So clearly this is NO place to be…Even though these feelings are familiar, it is still not a safe place.

But what is the first step?

The first step is to be gentle with myself… Not beat myself up for landing here yet again… Shit happens…Quite frequently… So what?

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

The next step is to know which areas of my life need some care and to use the road map (the 8 principles) to map my way into a different space. These are in my book available at http://indranislight.org/products-page/

Let’s focus of my physical body. I have become quite lazy with my exercise and training. I have used all kinds of lame excuses and have allowed myself to gain weight and had to buy bigger clothing.

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

So I must start on a program of physical health.

How do I feel about getting so off course? Kinda crummy…But my INTUITION has been whispering in my ear to pay attention and to FOCUS more on self-care.

I hear my intuition by making time for silence, prayer, meditation. I also hear it by noticing how my body feels. INTUITION speaks with energy in our physical bodies and instead of labeling the feelings with words like Anxiety, Panic attacks, etc… Try just describing the physical sensations as if you did not know how to label them. That takes you out of the trance of the labels.

The intuitions lead me to register for another marathon… Now the event will determine what my PLAN looks like.

I must run/ walk 26.2 miles next March. My training program when worked backwards will have me starting at 2 or 3 miles a few times per week and gently increasing each week. My PLAN will also include yoga, strength training and weekly massage to help me recover from my workouts.

I started on the plan already and surprised myself by walking faster than I have in a few years and not being winded. I cannot change the plan because my body still has to be reintroduced to the regimen of training.

So what is your plan? How can you work it backwards so that you can begin to take baby steps? Why baby steps? If my marathon were in 2 months, I would be going crazy and I would already have failed. I know that I cannot get ready to 26.2 miles in 60 days. 6 months is my absolute limit. Your end goal and where you are now will determine the time you need to be successful.

Here’s another hint… State the goal and halve it. Now create a timeline and place the end goal at the end, then the half goal at the…you got it…the halfway mark. Half that again and place that at the quarter mark and half again at the eight mark. Now look at how much time you have from the start to the eighth mark and begin to create the small steps to get there. You may decide to shorten the overall time or to lengthen it, your steps will be your guide.

My marathon steps would look like this:

26.2 miles March 2012

13.1 miles December 2011

6.5 miles October 2011

3.2 miles September

2 miles now until September

Now I would work the daily schedule that has me running each of those long distances only once a week, the rest of the week is for endurance, speed work and other disciplines like yoga and Pilates.

Then you have to kick your FOCUS into action. Everything, and I do mean everything you do has to have your goal be the guide post. If, for instance, I need to swim every day and I choose hotels without pools when I travel, then I have lost my focus. Or if I have room for 3 pairs of shoes but no room for my running shoes, then I have lost focus. So my GOAL is my GUIDE.

This whole process is painted with the INTENTION and the PLANNING brush. The whole event, from beginning to end has to be in clear FOCUS and your Intention, your daily Planning principle all over it and is guided by your Intuition and your Intention. Every step you take solidifies your Intention to make your goal your reality.

This could mean that your ENVIRONMENT has to be tweaked, so you can accomplish this goal. If I have to do long runs on Sundays, I cannot go bar hoping on Saturday nights because I have to rest, hydrate with water not booze and eat right the night before. So I may have to give up some of my drinking buddies until my race is over.

The CREATION Principle, begs deeper question…WHY do you care? In other words, why do you want to see this thru? What will you gain? Who will lose if you lose focus?

For me the answers are quite clear. I will lose ME. I will LOSE ME! There is nothing more precious than ME and I will lose that.

So what am I creating?A more powerful and positive me!

Why? Because half of who I am or can become is not acceptable.  I will not settle for less than ALL that I am!

I was not born to live just half of my potential… I was created to live full out. I was created to live completely and to use all of my gifts. All day, every day.

The other Principles are the Ultimate and the You Principles and I will tell you more about those next week.

Come back won’t you?

What will you start today?

 

Love and light

Surrender

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Surrendering does not usually have positive connotations. Recently I had been traveling a lot, meetings, obligations, running here, running there. Just simply overwhelmed. I would lay in bed exhausted not able to even sleep well.

I decided to start looking at my obligations, my schedule to see what I could eliminate. I started thinking what would happen if I surrendered. Not give up, but give in. Give in to the my mind, body and spirit which needed time to rest, recharge, and be still.

If I kept my hectic schedule and burden load I would only be running myself down more.

What would others think if I postponed my appointments with them? I worried that they would think less of me.

What would my loved ones think if I chose to take time by myself and not rush home to them? I felt guilty wanting to indulge myself in rest and rejuvenation.

I decided to surrender to my body, mind and spirit to get the rest and develop the clarity needed.

Once I made the decision to surrender, to give in, the healing actually began at once.

What can you surrender to, that would be for your well being?

These united states of CONFUSION

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I find myself in one of the many STATES of CONFUSION.

In my piece of the world, these states can look like:

Lethargy

Over excitedness

Needing to shop

Wanting a drink… Real bad!

Needing to eat chocolate, or cake, or the whole loaf of bread

Deep sixing Self Care so that I become a wreck within a short while.

Well it’s been a few weeks and the Confusion persists. I have tried
many of the above coping mechanisms and must report that
THEY ARE NOT WORKING!

they are not working.

So what now?
Here is what I am not willing to do:

  • I will not become an alcoholic…that is just too big of a hole to crawl out of.
  • I will not eat myself out of house and home… Losing all that weight
  • I would gain would be an even deeper hole to crawl out of
  • I do not have the energy I used to have for over excitement… I get tired rather easily these days… Opps… there’s the lethargy!
  • BTW Lethargy is also out… I refuse to become the lazy slob I used to be before I found triathlons and marathons ( at 50 I transformed myself from a lazy slob and became a triathlete and marathoner).

So I will do what I know best… I will follow the simple steps I laid
out in my book, The Indrani Principle, Inhale Life Exhale Joy.

The system that I wrote about in my book, so many years ago, is one that I STUMBLED upon, while STUMBLING thru my life and challenges.

After morphing from couch potato extradordinaire to elite athlete and then to author, life coach, business owner yada yada yada, I find myself stumbling yet again. I seem to be tripping all over my decisions. I am accepting blame for all kinds of accusations. I am
even convincing myself that somehow I have not been ” good enough”.
AND THEN something glorious happened… I was yet again accused of something and I felt my eyes do some rapid fire blinking as if to say…

Wait!
What?

Then I woke up from the known trance of
“This TOO is your fault!”

Ummmm… nOOOOOOO…. I reject your hypothesis. I bear no fault here.

So let me quickly outline the formula that I stumbled upon, 8 simple principles… Simple does not mean easy.
U…Ultimate principle
I…Intuition principle
F…Focus principle
E… environment principle
I…Intention principle
C…Creation principle
P…Planning principle
Y…You principle.

Tune in next Saturday for a guided tour of how to use these simply powerful principles.

Until then… I will enjoy my current state of confusion, knowing well that there are some juicy lessons here for me. The bigger the
confusion the bigger the lesson.

 

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

(photo credit middleastpost.com)