Caring for the Caregivers: Feeling Guilty When Saying “NO” to Your Supervisor – Episode #9

When you want to make an impact on people’s lives, it can be hard to say “no” when asked to help. But what if providing that help will end up hurting you? In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share three tools you can use to say “no” to your supervisor, without feeling guilty, when asked to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing.

Episode Time Codes

00:00 Introduction
01:02 Scenario
01:50 Amy – “I want to be perceived as…”
06:04 Discussion about the “I want to be perceived as…” tool.
08:06 Jeremie – Delivering a “Yes. No. Yes?”
12:41 Discussion of the “Yes. No. Yes?” tool.
16:50 Indrani – Self-care: Press pause and think about your answer.
20:50 Discussion of the “Press pause and think about your answer” tool.
28:10 Conclusion

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

The Power of a Positive No: Save the deal. Save the relationship – and still say no

Natural Disasters Perfect Storm for Domestic Violence

What happens when a family is in turmoil from domestic violence and a natural disaster hits?

(Photo credit: KPCC Radio 89.3)

An increase in violence

In circumstances like these I have not seen any agencies speak up about the increased violence that is likely to happen.  If victims do not seek help before a disaster, there is even less help available during, or after a disaster.  The stresses on the victims become more acute and the rage and lack of control of the abuser can skyrocket.

Violence affects one in three women globally and stress can increase the levels and the frequency of domestic violence.

More time at home = More violence

Let’s think about it logically.  If an abuser has a job and is out of the home 8 to 10 hours a day, there is a chance that the other household members get a reprieve from screaming, name calling and physical violence.  The children may have a few hours after school to feel a little “freer,” and may be able to even forget their circumstances for awhile.  Intuitively the kids know when the abuser is most likely to be home.  They have an internal clock that turns on when “stuff” is about to happen.  The parent at home is likely to give verbal cues such as, “Be quiet, you know your father/ mother does not like noise.”

The children may begin to curtail their childish ways and begin to try to behave in more acceptable ways.  It really does not matter what they do as the abuser does not need any reason to explode.  The abuser is the explosive and is watching and waiting for any reason to allow the explosion to burst.

If this happens when the abuser is only home for a few hours, imagine what happens when the abuser is home for days on end.  Days on end with NO water or electricity, or distractions, and a house of scared children and an equally scared spouse will raise the levels of abuse in significant ways.


(Photo taken by unknown publisher)

How can communities help these families?

We can be vigilant for behaviors that are disturbing in the youngest and most vulnerable.

We can be vigilant for outward signs of physical abuse.  We can be brave enough to alert the authorities if we see or feel that things are amiss.

We can live by the adage, “See something, say something.”

Remember, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Will you be the one to step up and be the change you wish to see in your world?

With gratitude,

Indrani Goradia
Indrani’s Light Foundation | Founder

Caring for the Caregivers Meditation – “Settling What Feels Unsettled” – Episode #8

There are many events, challenges, and problems causing unsettled feelings these days. Whether you are feeling unsettled at work or at home, listen to this meditation and visualization from Indrani to help you balance these unsettled feelings.

Caring for the Caregivers: Dealing With a Lack of Appreciation and Gratitude Part Two- Episode #7

You put a lot of passion, love, and effort into supporting your clients at work, and your family at home. It can be challenging (and very emotional) when the people you are helping don’t say “thank you” or show any gratitude for the support and energy you give them. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share three more tools (in addition to the tools shared in Episode #5) you can use to change your perspective when someone doesn’t show you appreciation.

Episode Time Codes

01:08 Introduction
02:33 Scenario
03:15 Indrani – Bring self-compassion into the formula
06:36 Discussion about self-compassion
14:55 Amy – Practice Critical Awareness
20:46 Discussion about using Critical Awareness
25:48 Jeremie – Find an “Appreciation Buddy”
28:13 Jeremie – Think about a “Future State”
30:24 Conclusion

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

LINK: Episode #5 Dealing with a lack of Appreciation and Gratitude Part One
LINK: Episode #5 A Meditation on Self-Kindness
LINK: Kristen Neff’s Self-Compassion Test
LINK: Affirmation Checklist

Caring for the Caregivers – The Anyway Poem – Episode #6 Bonus Audio

In the Episode #6 meditation Indrani mentions “The Anyway Poem”. Listen to this episode #6 bonus audio to hear Indrani read the poem.

Caring for the Caregivers Meditation – A Meditation on Self-Kindness – Episode #6

In this episode Indrani shares a special meditation to remind you to be kind to yourself when working in, what is often, a thankless job at your shelter.

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

The Anyway Poem Audio

Caring for the Caregivers: Dealing With a Lack of Appreciation and Gratitude Part One – Episode #5

You put a lot of passion, love, and effort into supporting your clients at work, and your family at home. It can be challenging (and very emotional) when the people you are helping don’t say “thank you” or show any gratitude for the support and energy you give them. In this episode learn three tools you can use to change your perspective when someone doesn’t show you appreciation.

Episode Time Codes

00:58 Introduction
02:42 Scenario
03:32 Indrani – Use the “Going to the Movies Tool” to reflect on your actions and reactions when someone shows no gratitude.
08:08 Discussion of the “Going to the Movies Tool”
12:00 Amy – Use the “How do you want to be perceived” exercise to identify your triggers in this situation.
16:46 Discussion of the “How do you want to be perceived” exercise.
21:54 Jeremie – Use PERMA to focus on your side of the relationship and don’t depend on the other person showing gratitude.
27:30 Discussion of the PERMA tool
31:00 Conclusion and summary of the three tools

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

LINK: Find your strengths using the VIA Strengths Survey
BOOK: Flourish by Martin Seligman

Caring for the Caregivers Meditation – Not Feeling Appreciated by Others – Episode #4

In this meditation Indrani shares a meditation to support you when you are not feeling appreciated by a friend or family member, colleague, or your boss.

Caring for the Caregivers: Take Care of Yourself FIRST, Then Take Care of Your Family – Episode #3

As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.

Episode Time Codes

01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario
02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies”
06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries
14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No
20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries.
25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries
29:15 Summary of the three tools

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

BOOK: Coping with infuriating, mean, critical people: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern – Nina Brown

Caring for the Caregivers Meditation – Using your breathing to deal with difficult conversations – Episode #2

In this meditation Indrani reminds you to breath, and explains why remembering to breath in the middle of a difficult conversation or crisis is the only sustainable way to handle these situations.