When you want to make an impact on people’s lives, it can be hard to say “no” when asked to help. But what if providing that help will end up hurting you? In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share three tools you can use to say “no” to your supervisor, without feeling guilty, when asked to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing.
00:00 Introduction 01:02 Scenario 01:50 Amy – “I want to be perceived as…” 06:04 Discussion about the “I want to be perceived as…” tool. 08:06 Jeremie – Delivering a “Yes. No. Yes?” 12:41 Discussion of the “Yes. No. Yes?” tool. 16:50 Indrani – Self-care: Press pause and think about your answer. 20:50 Discussion of the “Press pause and think about your answer” tool. 28:10 Conclusion
What happens when a family is in turmoil from domestic violence and a natural disaster hits?
(Photo credit: KPCC Radio 89.3)
An increase in violence
In circumstances like these I have not seen any agencies speak up about the increased violence that is likely to happen. If victims do not seek help before a disaster, there is even less help available during, or after a disaster. The stresses on the victims become more acute and the rage and lack of control of the abuser can skyrocket.
Violence affects one in three women globally and stress can increase the levels and the frequency of domestic violence.
More time at home = More violence
Let’s think about it logically. If an abuser has a job and is out of the home 8 to 10 hours a day, there is a chance that the other household members get a reprieve from screaming, name calling and physical violence. The children may have a few hours after school to feel a little “freer,” and may be able to even forget their circumstances for awhile. Intuitively the kids know when the abuser is most likely to be home. They have an internal clock that turns on when “stuff” is about to happen. The parent at home is likely to give verbal cues such as, “Be quiet, you know your father/ mother does not like noise.”
The children may begin to curtail their childish ways and begin to try to behave in more acceptable ways. It really does not matter what they do as the abuser does not need any reason to explode. The abuser is the explosive and is watching and waiting for any reason to allow the explosion to burst.
If this happens when the abuser is only home for a few hours, imagine what happens when the abuser is home for days on end. Days on end with NO water or electricity, or distractions, and a house of scared children and an equally scared spouse will raise the levels of abuse in significant ways.
(Photo taken by unknown publisher)
How can communities help these families?
We can be vigilant for behaviors that are disturbing in the youngest and most vulnerable.
We can be vigilant for outward signs of physical abuse. We can be brave enough to alert the authorities if we see or feel that things are amiss.
We can live by the adage, “See something, say something.”
Remember, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Will you be the one to step up and be the change you wish to see in your world?
Indrani’s Light Foundation | Founder
There are many events, challenges, and problems causing unsettled feelings these days. Whether you are feeling unsettled at work or at home, listen to this meditation and visualization from Indrani to help you balance these unsettled feelings.
You put a lot of passion, love, and effort into supporting your clients at work, and your family at home. It can be challenging (and very emotional) when the people you are helping don’t say “thank you” or show any gratitude for the support and energy you give them. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share three more tools (in addition to the tools shared in Episode #5) you can use to change your perspective when someone doesn’t show you appreciation.
01:08 Introduction 02:33 Scenario 03:15 Indrani – Bring self-compassion into the formula 06:36 Discussion about self-compassion 14:55 Amy – Practice Critical Awareness 20:46 Discussion about using Critical Awareness 25:48 Jeremie – Find an “Appreciation Buddy” 28:13 Jeremie – Think about a “Future State” 30:24 Conclusion
You put a lot of passion, love, and effort into supporting your clients at work, and your family at home. It can be challenging (and very emotional) when the people you are helping don’t say “thank you” or show any gratitude for the support and energy you give them. In this episode learn three tools you can use to change your perspective when someone doesn’t show you appreciation.
00:58 Introduction 02:42 Scenario 03:32 Indrani – Use the “Going to the Movies Tool” to reflect on your actions and reactions when someone shows no gratitude. 08:08 Discussion of the “Going to the Movies Tool” 12:00 Amy – Use the “How do you want to be perceived” exercise to identify your triggers in this situation. 16:46 Discussion of the “How do you want to be perceived” exercise. 21:54 Jeremie – Use PERMA to focus on your side of the relationship and don’t depend on the other person showing gratitude. 27:30 Discussion of the PERMA tool 31:00 Conclusion and summary of the three tools
As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.
01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario 02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies” 06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries 14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No 20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries. 25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries 29:15 Summary of the three tools
Your donation will be used towards eradicating gender violence, training community leaders and sharing behaviour-change tools with people who are ready to leave violence behind and create a brighter, more peaceful world.