Caring for the Caregivers: Take Care of Yourself FIRST, Then Take Care of Your Family – Episode #3

As a Caregiver in a domestic violence shelter you are faced with the challenge of supporting all of your clients at work, then having to return home and take care of your family. In this episode Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie share the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST by setting boundaries and learning to tell your family a “positive NO”.

Episode Time Codes

01:03 Introduction of this episode’s scenario
02:56 Jeremie shares a self-awareness exercise called “Going to the movies”
06:35 Amy discusses the four types of boundaries
14:10 Indrani explains how to deliver a Positive No
20:40 Discussion: you are always setting and breaking boundaries.
25:55 Discussion: supporting others in your life with setting boundaries
29:15 Summary of the three tools

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

BOOK: Coping with infuriating, mean, critical people: The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern – Nina Brown

Caring for the Caregivers Meditation – Using your breathing to deal with difficult conversations – Episode #2

In this meditation Indrani reminds you to breath, and explains why remembering to breath in the middle of a difficult conversation or crisis is the only sustainable way to handle these situations.

Caring for the Caregivers: Six Tools for Building and Maintaining Positive Relationships – Episode #1

Building and maintaining positive relationships in your life, while working long hours at work and then taking care of family at home, is a huge challenge. In this episode learn the six tools (plus one bonus tool) that Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie use everyday with the important people in their lives.

Episode Time Codes


01:00 Introduction
02:35 Indrani shares the definition of a boundary and how to use this definition with people in your life.
05:40 Amy shares how to use empathy when listening.
09:48 Jeremie shares how to use 10 minute breaks to change roles in your life and be more present.
16:25 Indrani discusses how to identify when you are being triggered.
21:40 Amy explains the difference between being self-FULL and being selfish
26:47 Bonus tool: “What story am I making up about this?”
28:00 Jeremie asks the question: “Is what I am about to say or do going to improve this relationship?”
31:10 Summary of all six tools and the bonus tool

Links and Resources mentioned in this episode

VIDEO: It’s not about the Nail
BOOK: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Caring for the Caregivers: Introductions and why ILF’s mission to support Domestic Violence Caregivers is so important – Episode 0

As you listen to the “Caring for the Caregivers Podcast” you might be wondering: What is Indrani’s Light Foundation? Exactly who are Indrani, Amy, and Jeremie? Why are they creating this podcast? You can find the answer to all of these questions and more in Episode 0!

Episode Time Codes


00:59 Introduction
01:45 Who is Indrani? Why is this work important to Indrani?
03:55 Who is Amy? Why is this work important to Amy?
06:30 Who is Jeremie? Why is this work important to Jeremie?
08:40 Indrani’s Light Foundation Mission Statement and history
12:15 The Caregiver Project
15:55 The Caregiver Podcast
20:50 Final thoughts

#TBT Special Interview with Janine Shepherd

Defiant_J.Shepherd_CVRIn 2012, Indrani Goradia hosted her “Unpasteurized Joy” podcast.  She had the honor of interviewing her friend, and author, Janine Shepherd, who is an internationally renowned speaker, and inspired over a million people who watched her TED talk, “A Broken Body Isn’t a Broken Person.”  She’s was featured on “60 Minutes”, “This is Your Life”, and CNN’s “Turning Points”, with Dr Sanjay Gupta.  Since then, Janine has written a book called, “Defiant: A Broken Body is Not A Broken Person.”

janineJanine is also known as the “walking paraplegic,” after a tragic accident stripped her of her Olympic dreams and changed her life forever.  You can watch her TED talk here:  https://youtu.be/bX32U_hfri4

 

Since the political climate in the United States has been incredibly polarizing in recent months, we wanted to share some inspiration and hope with you today.  If you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions of hopelessness, this #TBT podcast is for you!

Please SHARE this interview with a friend or family member if this inspired you.  Also, Janine’s book, “Defiant” gives a detailed account of her story, and it will blow you away. Purchase her book HERE!

“Savor the Season” by Stacie Kenton

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“Tis the season,” so it is said.  For some, it’s a season of joy.  For others, a season of sorrow.  And yet for others, it’s a season of chaos and the feelings of the “unknown.”  At Indrani’s Light, we teach a workshop series called, “Live A Brighter Life.”  One of the modules focuses on self-care.  We talk about daily routines and ways to practice self-care that can be accomplished at a moment’s notice.  One of those ways is using the outdoors as an outlet and release of negative energy, or absorb the beauty of nature to fill your spirit up with happiness and joy.  Whatever your need is in the moment, nature is calling your name!

stacie-kentonOur Director of Relationships & Executive Administrator, Stacie Kenton, wrote an amazing blog this month to get us through the end of the year.  It can many times be a stressful time for us, and we need a reminder to take care of ourselves.

In her personal blog, “Savor the Season,” Stacie gives us 4 tips to connect with nature:

  1. Take it outside
  2. Take full advantage of sunny days
  3. Savor the season’s pleasures
  4. Be present

We encourage you to GO HERE and enjoy Stacie’s full blog.  As Stacie says here …. “I hope you choose to live in this winter and not just through it.”

15 Days of Impact

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This holiday season we are celebrating “15 Days of Impact.”  It’s our way of acknowledging and offering gratitude for all of you who supported and donated to our foundation this year.  Because of your donations, you made an incredible impact on our mission to end violence against women.

So many lives have been touched.
So many women and children have been affected by our Live A Brighter Life curriculum.
So many caregivers who work at women’s shelters are feeling healthier, and navigating their jobs with more confidence, and practicing self-care.

 

“15 Days of Impact”

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15-days-of-impact-finalDay #1 Impact:  Those of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for 9 people to become certified trainers for Indrani’s Light Foundation!

15-days-of-impact-day-2Day #2 Impact:  Those of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for two of our new ILF trainers to teach the Live A Brighter Life Curriculum online to their own communities!

15-days-of-impact-day-3Day #3 ImpactWithout your support and donation, we would not have been able to send our master trainers, Jeremie Miller and Amy Jaffe, to Houston this year to pursue our Caregiver Project, and teach our LABL curriculum to the staff at the Fort Bend Women’s Center, and keep them from burning out of this challenging career.

15-days-of-impact-day-4Day #4 ImpactWithout your support and donation, we would not have been able to continue monthly follow up calls to the women’s shelters who are involved in our Caregiver Project.

15-days-of-impact-day-5Day #5 Impact: Those of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible to complete our summer online Live A Brighter Life course, co-taught by Amy Jaffe and our new volunteer certified trainers.

15-days-of-impact-day-6Day #6 ImpactWithout your support and donation, we would not have been able to send our Director of Education & Training, Amy Jaffe, and our newest certified ILF volunteer trainer, Yvette McIntire, to Houston this fall to teach our Caregiver Project curriculum to the staff of three women’s shelters!

 

15-days-of-impact-day-7Day #7 ImpactThose of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for a Portland, Oregon shelter to sign up for our Caregiver Project for their staff!

 

15-days-of-impact-day-8Day #8 ImpactWithout your support and donation, we would not have been able to provide our new series of “Meditations by Indrani” for people ready to live a brighter life.

 

15-days-of-impact-day-9Day #9 ImpactThose of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible to support other domestic violence awareness campaigns, including Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the United Nation’s “Orange the World” 16 days of activism to end violence against women and girls.

 

15-days-of-impact-day-10Day #10 Impact:   Without your support and donation, we would not have been able to complete a second online fundraiser to raise money to teach the Caregiver Project curriculum to the staff of three women’s shelters in Houston, TX.

15-days-of-impact-day-11Day #11 ImpactThose of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible to share and document the global work Indrani is doing to increase awareness about violence against women.

 

 

 

15-days-of-impact-day-12Day #12 Impact:  Those of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for our Caregiver Project to impact our caregivers by showing:

a) 47% increase in their understanding of personal boundaries and why they are important;
b) 43% improvement on understanding why personal boundaries are important to their well-being;
c) 41% increase in the caregivers’ ability to communicate when their boundaries have been crossed, and taking action to protect their boundaries.

 

15-days-of-impact-day-13Day #13 ImpactWithout your support and donation, we would not have been able to share and support our mission through social media!

 

15-days-of-impact-day-14Day #14 ImpactThose of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for the Caregiver Project to help our caregivers make big improvements in their own self-care, showing:

  1. 43% increase in identifying what activities they can do to keep themselves healthy;
  2. 80% increase in their commitment to making self-care a priority in their lives;
  3. 65% improvement in their ability to deal with burnout.

 

 

15-days-of-impact-day-15Day #15 ImpactThose of you who donated and supported Indrani’s Light Foundation in 2016 made it possible for us to teach, raise awareness, support caregivers, certify trainers, and take action to continue our mission to end violence against women.

 

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If you would like to know more about how you can support Indrani’s Light in making even more of an impact in 2017 you can donate here: http://indranislight.org/15-days-of-impact-2016/

OR DONATE HERE

2016 “Orange the World” Campaign Video Message: Day 13

Here is Indrani’s “Day 13” personal “call to action” video message to you, as we continue to support the UN Women’s “Orange the World” campaign to end violence against women and girls.

Today, Indrani wants to speak directly to those of you experiencing violence in your homes.  You can decide to end violence within your four walls.  #my4walls #brightlife #16days

Please share this video on social media! You can find our Facebook page at “Indrani’s Light.”  You can access all #16days of personal video messages from Indrani.

Let’s END violence against women and girls together!

“ORANGE THE WORLD”

Follow us on Twitter @indranis_light #orangetheworld #16days

 

*Meditate With Indrani *
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Click here to access her FREE meditations

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Live A Brighter Life
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Click here to access our FREE online recordings

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It is a big deal: It happened to me

orange-the-world-w-ilf-logoThe unusual topic of conversation seems to follow me.  At business meetings, dinner parties, and coffee dates, people keep talking to me about their childhood abuse.  It makes sense:  my story of abuse motivates my work, and I don’t stop talking about my mission to end violence in every home {TEDTalk}.  Because I share my vulnerable story, people open up to me; some tell of severe cases, others of the occasional slap or scream.  It must be human nature to diffuse pain and suffering because most say that they deserved the abuse.

Let me tell you this… I did not deserve it.

I did not deserve to be beaten because the baby pooped in his diaper and smeared it on the wall.  The baby was one years old and I was five.  I was told to watch the baby, and I was watching the baby.  Regardless, I did not deserve to be hit.  Nothing a child does merits physical pain and emotional suffering – even if it’s to “teach a lesson.”

This is but one incident of parental anger and rage that was not right.  My life of violence was a big deal to me as a child, but it became even bigger when it reared its ugly head after I became a mother.  In my TEDxTalk , I describe how I had to fight the beast inside me for the sake of my own innocent child. I believed, and still do, that “if we do not claim our abuse, we will repeat it.”  It was a big deal to my son that I never beat him. It was a big deal to me that I saved a new generation from violence.

We all have a Moral Imperative to end violence in the world, the majority of which is done towards women and children.  November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and we must all use our voices to make the issue of Gender-Based Violence a big deal.  I will be using my voice in my home country, Trinidad, during the 16 days of Gender Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, to ensure that the issue of violence is not ignored as part of my work with  Maverick Collective and Population Services International (PSI).  I am Trinidadian and am proud to be.  I am, however, not proud that violence is so pervasive and normalized.  Many Trinidadians are of the opinion that violence is needed to “discipline.”  This is not so.

There is much research that shows children who receive violence suffer not only in the present moment but also long into the future.  According to the Centers of Disease Control  abused children are plagued with a long list of repercussions from depression and suicides, to inability to maintain healthy intimate relationships, to becoming abusers themselves.  So if childhood abuse is so common in Trinidad, no wonder 1 in 3 Trinidadians have experienced physical violence from their most recent intimate partner, according to a PSI-Caribbean study.

Reports of crimes related to sexual assault and domestic violence increased by nearly 50% between 2013 and 2014 according to the UN in the Universal Periodic Review of Trinidad and Tobago.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.  Abuse doesn’t have to keep happening to children.  Relationships don’t have to be plagued with violence.  It starts with you. Determine your Adverse Childhood Experiences Score to understand how your childhood may have affected your physical and emotional growth.  If violence happened to you, it is a big deal.  But you also have the power to end it, in your own home, starting today.

Let’s #orangetheworld together, because TOGETHER WE ARE MIGHTY!

With Love & Light,

Indrani Goradia | Founder
Indrani’s Light Foundation

Are You A Victim of Domestic Violence this Election Day?

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Today is Election Day {Note: This was written on Election Day on November 8, 2016}.  As most of us in the United States know, we have been experiencing an unprecedented amount of stress, anger, and emotion around the Presidential campaign. I have to wonder what this kind of stress has on families inside their own homes.  I wonder if this kind of campaign and political chaos has CAUSED mental, physical, or emotional abuse. Well, I did some research. One USA TODAY news article published in October caught my attention ….

USA TODAY – Presidential race causes spike in crisis center calls
Brittany Horn, The (Wilmington, Del.) News Journal 9:09 p.m. EDT October 18, 2016

My suspicion was correct.  According to the article, “In the weekend following the release of Trump’s comments about how he comes onto women, the National Sexual Assault Hotline saw a 33 percent increase in calls, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.” In the State of Delaware, there was a spike of 42% in hotline calls alone.  That kind of increase has not happened since the 9/11 attack.  This news story seems to directly relate this increase in hotline calls and website activity to the accusations against Donald Trump, his “bullying” style behavior during the campaign, the well-known “secret recording” on the bus with Billy Bush, and multiple other kinds of statements and behavior Trump has expressed.

I can’t even imagine what the TRUE reality of the numbers of domestic violence victims there are on THIS day alone.  I wonder how many women are being emotionally held hostage from voting in the U.S. this year because they wish to cast their vote for Hillary Clinton.  I wonder how many women are being physically, emotionally, and mentally abused by their male partners, after they return from the voting booths.  Are they “taking one for the team?”

I realize I’m writing about the women victims only in this blog.  I’m not ignoring the fact there may be many men in our country who are suffering the same reality.  But I can’t ignore the numbers of women who are the primary victims.  “In Delaware, 75 percent of all domestic violence victims in 2014 and 2015 were women, according to statistics from the Delaware Domestic Violence Coordinating Council. These acts of violence against them come in the form of assaults, rape, threats and emotional abuse and vary in frequency and severity.” (Brittany Horn, The (Wilmington, Del.) News Journal)

The reason for my blog today is to reach the women who are, or will be victims of domestic abuse today.  I also want to reach the women and MEN who KNOW someone who may be a victim of abuse due to Election Day.  I implore you to reach out for help, or support someone who needs help!  TODAY will be one of the most important and historic political moments in history, and who knows HOW many women and their children will suffer tonight as the results of the election start reporting.

There are some things you can today to stay calm:

  • To help with whatever you are feeling today, and remember you get to feel whatever YOU want, watch this video of Indrani sharing a singing-bowl meditation to ease your stress and heal the world: https://www.facebook.com/indranislight/posts/10154740707869048
  • If you are suffering from abuse, or need to seek help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They can guide you to local assistance right away
  • If you are feeling overwhelmed with stress, or need to talk through feelings that have come up during this election, join us for our Live A Brighter Life Virtual Class this coming Thursday, November 10th at 6pm PT.  It is absolutely free, and we will be talking about letting go of shame, the dangers of shame, and acknowledging triggers. Here is the link to join us: http://bit.ly/2dPNEIR

Please know you have help and support out there.  We can teach you tools, and give you support around living a brighter life after the election.  There are professionals at the National Domestic Violence Hotline that are ready to send you help if you need it.  Reach out!  We are here.

With Love & Light,

Amy Jaffe | Indrani’s Light Foundation
Director of Education & Training